Are We Too Busy for Friends?
Read more about: Family and Friends, Time Stress, Work-Life Balance
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It’s crazy how busy we all are.
- Busy working part-time and full-time inside and outside the home.
- Busy parenting, chaperoning, disciplining, spending time as a family.
- Busy driving to soccer games, girl scouts, music lessons and field trips.
- Busy doing laundry, yard work, housework and grocery shopping.
- Busy checking homework, signing permission slips, packing lunches and doing school projects.
- Busy volunteering our time and talent to help others.
I get it. We’re all busy.
But are we too busy for friends?
Sadly, I’m beginning to think so. Two days ago my close girlfriend and I could not find a date we could go to a movie together until July because of our kids’ extracurricular schedules. Yesterday I played phone tag yet again with another close girlfriend because our available times to talk aren’t coinciding while we both try building our businesses while raising three girls.
But today was the kicker that really drove the point home.
Another close girlfriend and I got into an argument. Our first in 18 years. What could possibly trigger an argument after all this time? You guessed it. Our busy schedules. Or more precisely, her busy schedule and me not being sensitive to the demands placed upon her time. As the mother of three girls, who’s working part-time outside the home, building a business inside the home and who spends five nights a week at a soccer field, the irony is painful.
But instead of being mad, I’m sad. Not because we don’t talk once a week like we used to. Not because she told me today that due to the “direction her family is moving in” she won’t be able to continue our annual visits that we’ve maintained for more than 15 consecutive years. Not because she told me months ago she wouldn’t be able to come to her God daughter’s First Communion because she didn’t want to miss any of her kids’ extracurricular activities. Not because the gift she sent for my daughter’s first birthday was more than three months late. (She said she didn’t forget and that it had been sitting on her counter the whole time.)
I’m sad because I’m no longer a priority for her. In her defense, she’ll say that’s not true. But actions speak louder than words.
So while I understand that we’re all busy, I still think it’s important to keep friendships a priority.
Take five minutes to call and say “Hi” even if you don’t have time to fully catch up.
If you don’t have five minutes, take one minute to jot them an email.
And if you buy them a birthday gift, make the effort to get it there reasonably close to their birthday.
These days, it’s not the thought that counts. It’s the effort.
Shannon Hutton draws on her experience working full-time, part-time and from home with three kids to blog about the universal challenge of achieving work-life balance. She also uses her Master's in Education and professional experience as a School Counselor to address parenting and school issues in her weekly 
Here;’s the funny thing…sometimes I think that blogging has taken too much time away from other things, but as far as MY friends are concerned, I have actually kept up better with them since they all have blogs. I guess it’s getter than nothing when we are all so busy. I hope you can see your friend soon.
Kristis last blog post..St. Louis…still?
Oh Shannon, you do sound so sad and hurt. *hug* If it’s any comfort my college girlfriend and I are also having a heck of a time finding a weekend to connect - a free ticket nonetheless! You are not alone kiddo. What a bummer.
This is an age old problem. In 1979 I got a phone call to say that a girlfriend of mine had died about 3 months earlier. She’d committed suicide at the age of 21.
I had recently given birth to my first child and hadn’t seen Andrea for about 5 months. Life had just gotten too busy and there were times when I’d thought I should pick up the phone to see how she was. No-one told me when it happened because I was pregnant and they didn’t want to cause me to miscarry or give birth prematurely.
It took me many years to get over the guilt of not being there for her when she needed someone. She was my best friend at that time. I wasn’t even given the opportunity to say goodbye at her funeral.
If ever you’re prompted in your mind to call someone or reach out to them, do it - it only takes a few minutes. And it may just be that they have a need at that very time and something has caused you to think of them and reach out. Call it spiritual, the universe, intuition, whatever, but there is often a reason someone enters your mind and it is up to you to act on it.
“These days, it’s not the thought that counts. It’s the effort.”
I’m all ears - thank you for the reminder, Shannon!
Lizs last blog post..PBN Blog Blast: All I want for Mother’s Day
Hint gotten LOUD AND CLEAR! I just left you a message and will sit by my phone as often as possible until we both connect. I LOVE YOU!!!!
ME
I agree that it’s hurtful when our friendship is no longer a priority for someone. I’ve been on both sides of that, I have to admit. I find that sometimes I have to make hard choices about how I want to spend my time - and that sometimes my friendship with someone isn’t worth the sacrifice to my family life. (But I’m talking about newer friends/acquaintances I would like to get to know better, not my child’s godmother!) It is, like the title of this blog says, all about balance!
Chief Family Officers last blog post..The 29-Day Giving Challenge: Day 23
this happened recently with a long time friend…however, not in exactly the same way. I had made a comment about being in different places and how time and distance can influence how a friendship grows apart..this hurt her feelings and things have never been the same. Great post.
Danielle Says Hellos last blog post..Better Living Through Chemistry
This is a great post about a difficult situation made even more difficult because it happened so close to Mother’s Day.
Thanks for having the courage to share your experience.
Girl, I feel your pain. It’s hard when you drift apart. I had this happen a few years ago, and it was so painful. Friendship sometimes ebbs and flows, and sometimes ends. I remember my friend with great fondness of the good times we had. You can do, no matter what happens.
All the best…
Brandie Kajinos last blog post..Embrace Your Uniqueness
Shannon, I’m so sorry that you’re losing touch with such a close friend. It is so hard to keep in touch with busy schedules, but I try to make it a priority with my closest friends so that we don’t drift apart. I’ve found that it’s more difficult to make new friends though, just because I don’t have the time to put into getting to know someone.
Deb - Mom of 3 Girlss last blog post..Happy Mother’s Day!
this is sooo true. great post. thanks for sharing, kathleen
ps. i popped over here from danielle’s blog.