How to Help Girls Resist the Pressure to be “Supergirls”

I was very fortunate to meet Claire Mysko at the recent BlogHer conference. We both attended the session on how to help children have a healthy self image. When Claire shared her expertise on this subject, I was thrilled when she graciously agreed to write the following guest post for me!

Girls today are told they can do anything. Unfortunately, what they’re often hearing is that they have to do everything, please everyone, and look thin and stylish while they’re at it. The increasing pressure in girls’ lives comes from many different sources—the media, parents, teachers, friends—and it’s all adding up to big time stress. According to The Supergirl Dilemma a recent study conducted by Girls Inc., more than half of girls in middle school reported that they often feel stressed. By the time girls get into high school, that number jumps to 74%. Perhaps even more disturbing is that one third of all girls in grades 3-12 said they often feel sad and unhappy.

When girls get caught up in the quest to be “supergirls,” they are less likely to feel confident in themselves and celebrate what truly makes them amazing. As adults who care about girls, it is our job to help girls confront the pressure they feel to be perfect. Here are a four tips on how to tackle the supergirl dilemma:

1. Teach girls to be savvy and critical media consumers. Ask them what they like and dislike about the movies and TV shows they watch and the magazines they read. Illuminate the difference between fantasy and reality by telling girls what retouching is and how often it is used to make models and actors look artificially flawless.

2. Encourage girls to exercise their bragging rights. Too often, girls are hesitant to talk about what makes them amazing because they don’t want to be seen as conceited or they feel like they’re not perfect enough to be proud of themselves. Turn that thinking around by challenging girls to take pride in all of their amazing qualities, not just their achievements.

3. Discuss the value of making mistakes and taking healthy risks. Many girls are so focused on being perfect and doing things “right” that they miss out on valuable opportunities because they are so afraid of failure. Share a mistake you made or a risk you took in life that helped you get where you are today.

4. When girls talk about the pressures they feel, the best thing you can do is listen. Don’t judge, interrupt, or get upset. Remember that what girls need most of all in their lives are supportive adults who take the time to hear what they’re saying.

Claire Mysko is the author of Girls Inc. Presents: You’re Amazing! A No-Pressure Guide to Being Your Best Self. She has served as the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association, the Executive Editor of SmartGirl, and the Assistant Director of Communications at Girls Inc., the organization that inspires all girls to be strong, smart, and bold. She is also the co-founder of Inside Beauty, an outreach program designed to give girls and women a healthy fashion and beauty reality check. Claire received an Master’s in Gender Studies from The New School for Social Research. Her website is www.clairemysko.com.