Strategies if You Think Your Teenager is Smoking Marijuana

Vanessa Van Petten is the teen author of the parenting book You’re Grounded!: How to Stop Fighting and Make the Teenage Years Easier. She writes a parenting blog from a teenager’s perspective to help parents understand what is actually going on in the minds of teens today. Her awesome parenting tips as a Family Peacemaker have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Daily News, Fox 5 New York, CBS 4 Miami and much more. I highly recommend you check our her site OnTeensToday.com! Vanessa was kind enough to share the following post.

Guest Post from Vanessa Van Petten

This is a tricky subject and different for every family, but I truly believe that every teenager who wants to get marijuana, can.

Therefore, I always tell parents, it is extremely difficult to try to shield a teenager today from being exposed to marijuana because it is so prominent. I believe parents need to spend their efforts trying to equip teenagers to make the right choices, so when they are exposed to it, they will choose not to smoke marijuana.

To be very honest, no matter how strict a curfew you have, how often you drug test your teenagers, or whether they are an athlete, a scholar or a jock (see Teens Dealing Urine Post), your teenager will always find a way to smoke marijuana if they want to. They key is making sure they do not want to.

1. Ask Questions

Before you dive into trying to equip them with the power to “just say no” try to gauge their level of involvement. Ask the tough questions. I am not saying to grill them before they go out, but showing them you are paying attention and are very involved is important and you can get an idea of how much or how little you know about their social life.

2. Listen to their Answers

Most times, when I hear parents talk to their teenagers, parents do ask questions, but then answer the questions themselves. A question, and then silence will get you a long way. For some reason, even after we have already given a one-word answer, if we feel you are still waiting for more, we either get nervous (a sign we are hiding something) or splurge and let our mouths go. Also look at your teenager’s immediate facial response as soon as you ask a question. We are not as good at hiding our emotions and you might be able to gauge a lot by watching our reaction.

3. Look at Their Friends

I constantly hear the “well, it’s not my teenager because . . .” response when I do speaking engagements on this topic. If you feel your child is either an angel or unreadable, look at their friends’ behavior. Have they gotten in trouble? Are they the ones who make the decisions where to go on the weekends? Friends’ behavior means everything in the world of marijuana.

4. Talk to Your Friends and Other Parents

Get informed about the marijuana culture in general and in your specific community. I post frequently on this topic and what kids are doing right now, so you can stay a step ahead. I highly recommend getting together with parent friends and talking about what your kids are doing and sharing notes about what they think is going on.

5. Don’t Lecture!

If you think we are smoking marijuana, seeing it at parties or just want to talk to us about it, please talk, don’t lecture! I promise, we have heard all of the negative sides to smoking marijuana in health class. As soon as you start lecturing us, we stop listening. So, instead of approaching it like a health teacher, ask questions and let us come to our own conclusion, usually we know what is right and wrong, and if we feel like you are talking to us, not at us, at least we will come to you if we have questions or problems down the road.

6. Find Out Why:

This is tricky, it is important to understand that, today, marijuana is not only for ˜the stoner” kids. All different kinds of teenagers are doing it and it has become a sort of social unifier. A drama kid and a jock might not hang out at school, but if they get to the party and share a joint, they are friends. It is really important to understand this new social aspect and that it permeates all kinds of peer groups.

For more strategies to use if you think your teenager is smoking marijuana, click on page 2.