The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and The Really Ugly

Growing up, I was always excited about going on vacation. Where are we going? When do we leave? Are we there yet? All I had to do was hop in the car and count “punch buggies” (Mom! There’s another Herbie!) until we arrived at our destination. Three kids later, vacation is still fun, but getting ready to go, getting there and getting back are almost enough of a hassle to skip the vacation altogether! But since I’m trying to relish their childhood, have quality family time together, and create happy memories, off we go last week on our family vacation. Hmmm. “Off we go” sounds so carefree and simple. Let me re-phrase. After staying up until midnight the night before we left doing load after load of laundry, packing eight suitcases, six carry-ons, one toddler car seat, one stroller, finding and photocopying birth certificates (which we didn’t end up even needing), completing work assignments, paying bills, confirming our flight, reserving a rental car we forgot we needed and checking email one last time, we left for our vacation.

The Good

Once we arrived at Myrtle Beach, we had an absolutely wonderful time! (Thank you again Grammy and Papa!) We went out to eat, shopped, went to the beach, shopped, swam in the pool, shopped, went in the hot tub, shopped, played mini golf, shopped, saw a show and shopped some more! My hubby “sacrificed” some shopping time to go the driving range and play a round of golf. We had such a good time, we hated to leave. And that was before we knew we’d be facing the return trip from hell.

The Bad

Since we definitely qualify as “anyone who needs additional time boarding the plane” with the stroller, three kids, six carry on bags, and oversized toddler car seat that needs to be strapped in, we lined up first when the United Airlines employee announced it was time to board our flight. We handed the employee our boarding passes and were walking onto the tarmac when another United Airlines employee came running over and said there was a “ground stop” in Washington D.C. due to thunderstorms. In retrospect, this is the fateful moment that triggered a series of events that went from bad, to ugly, to really ugly. For those of you unfamiliar with the term “ground stop” it is the lame ass excuse airlines use to avoid taking any responsibility for ensuring that their passengers actually reach their destination.

After waiting less than an hour, we were able to board the plane with assurances that we would all make our connecting flights because those flights were delayed as well. You can see where this is going! After a very turbulent flight where I had to repeatedly open my eyes to look out the window to confirm we really weren’t crashing to our deaths, we landed with me about to vomit from air sickness and daughter number two with wet pants because the flight attendant told her she couldn’t use the bathroom because of the turbulence. We deplaned in pelting rain and hustled into the terminal. My hubby dashed off to check the monitor while I held daughter number three until I felt the warm wetness seep from her diaper up her shirt. Then I promptly put her down and waited for the soaked stroller to be brought from the plane.

The Ugly

The next moments are a blur of swarming people, flashing flight monitors and efforts to change kids out of pee soaked clothes into whatever we had in our carry on luggage, which was not much. After watching my hubby ricochet from flight monitor, to gate desk, back to flight monitor, he reported,

“Our flight was the ONLY one that left on time! We have to hurry and go to the “help” desk to get another flight!” I couldn’t possibly use the word “help” more loosely.

After waiting in yet another line, the first United Airlines employee informed us flatly that there were no other flights that day, that night or the next day! My hubby then said we’d like vouchers for a rental car.

“No, Sir. All I can give you is a discounted rate on a hotel room.”

“Why would I need a hotel room if there aren’t any flights? I want to talk to your supervisor please.”

After my hubby relayed that we missed our connecting flight (by a matter of ten minutes!) because the first flight was delayed, the supervisor stared blankly at him and retorted,

“That’s not United Airlines fault. Air traffic control ordered the “ground stop.” There’s nothing we can do to help you.”

Hearing this, I say “We have three kids and no way home.”

“It doesn’t matter if you have three kids, are an expectant mother or anything else for that matter. There’s nothing we can do.” He didn’t even offer a perfunctory apology!

At this point my hubby says, “You have to be F@#*ing kidding me!”

Mind you, my hubby never loses his patience. Me, not so much. So I say, “Screw you!” and walk away. Not my proudest moment.

With the help of my mom and a very empathetic Enterprise employee, we finally get a rental car around 7:00 p.m.

The Really Ugly

The really ugly part is the seven hour drive ahead of us. While we debated getting a hotel room, we knew from past experience that we don’t get any sleep with five of us in the same room and we didn’t have any of our luggage. (United Airlines told us that it was our responsibility to track it down and pick it up. They wouldn’t deliver it to our home because we missed the flight due to a “ground stop.”) So we decided to take shifts driving and sleeping. However, the shifts ended up being driving and taking care of a screaming baby who vomited twice and refused to sleep. While we wiped off the vomit, we didn’t have any clean clothes to change her into because we used her backup outfit at the airport after she peed everywhere. The stench of vomit just added to the misery. Somewhere on our trek home through five states, we stopped to get gas and use the bathroom. As I was walking in, my hubby yells from the car,

“Get an air freshener!!!”

Since there were none to be found, I bought baby powder and sprinkled it all over her clothes to try and absorb the odor. It actually worked! A little.

At 2:30 a.m. we pull into our driveway.

Do I still like going on vacation? Yes. We all need a vacation from work, routines, and time stress every now and then. Will we go somewhere we can drive to next time? Undoubtedly. Is United Airlines as bad as Sears? Definitely. If not worse.