The Vicious Cycle
Read more about: Marriage, Sleep, Time Stress, Time for Myself, Work-Life Balance, Working at Home
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I need my sleep. Unlike my hubby who can get five to six hours of sleep without any obvious physical or emotional repercussions, I need at least eight hours, preferably nine! So for the bulk of our marriage, I’ve been going to bed around 10:00 p.m., while my hubby has been staying up at least a couple more hours to get his “I time.”
This pattern all changed though when I started working from home. Now I’m stuck in a vicious cycle that goes like this . . .
- I work later and later doing work I want to do or doing work I have to do because I can’t get it all in between the hours of 8:30 a.m. and 4:00 p.m., which is when two of my kids and my hubby are out of the house.
- From 4:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. I’m in mommy / drill sergeant mode to get the kids to do their homework, finish their chores, eat dinner, practice music, get to soccer, shower, brush their teeth and get to bed.
- Instead of sitting down to relax at 9:00 p.m., I either go back to the computer, move the laundry along, or attack the clutter on the counter, sometimes all of the above.
- 10:00 p.m. is quitting time these days. My former bedtime is now when I get off work. And I’ve learned the hard way from many a sleepless night, I cannot go to sleep without some “down time.” For me, that means watching T.V. and reading before bed. I have to do both to get my mind to stop reeling from all the details ricocheting around my skull.
- 11:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. is now my bedtime.
What’s so vicious about this cycle?
I still desperately need those eight to nine hours of sleep! So when the alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m., I’m incapable of getting out of bed. A few snoozes later, I’m sufficiently late to trigger a succession of stressful moments for me and everyone around me.
So what can I do to get out of this vicious cycle?
Work less? No, then I’m stressed because I’m not getting enough done.
Go to bed earlier? No. Not only can I not sleep well without down time, I need to have some part of my day that I’m “off duty” before I get up and do it all over again!
Get up earlier? While my hubby desperately hopes I will do this, I have such a sleep debt that I cling to every second of sleep I can get and do not have the will power to get up even a millisecond earlier than I need to.
Thus, the vicious cycle.
I know something has to give and I have the power to relieve myself of this self-induced stress and exhaustion. The question is when will I come to my senses?
Shannon Hutton draws on her experience working full-time, part-time and from home with three kids to blog about the universal challenge of achieving work-life balance. She also uses her Master's in Education and professional experience as a School Counselor to address parenting and school issues in her weekly 
What is it about men that they can survive with so little sleep? My husband is the same and I find myself in the same situation as you . . . except my kids are home all day since they are still little.
I don´t know that there is a one size fits all solution. Getting up earlier works for some people. For me, I take a nap with my little ones in the afternoon and that gives me the boost needed to make it through till late.
Genesiss last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Guilty as Charged
Believe I know that feeling.
But I have learned that the work will
ALWAYS be there.
Sometimes you just have to let it go.
It will pay dividends in the long run.
Love DAD
Hmm, that cycle sounds eerily familiar… In fact as I sit here yawning at my desk, it sound way too familiar.
Deb - Mom of 3 Girlss last blog post..Over at my other site…
I’ve realized that when my body says WAKE UP! KIDS ARE SLEEPING, YOU CAN WRITE WITHOUT THEM VELCROING THEMSELVES TO YOU!….I had better get up.
Just can’t train myself to fall back to sleep.
Thus, when I’m up, I’m up, when I’m comatose, I sleep. Luckily, my eldest kids are of the age they can help out with their siblings when Mom has officially deemed herself A Rebel To Whom Sleep Is Due.
Data points, Barbara
Barbara lings last blog post..Today’s Words of Wisdom - A Bird In The Hand Is Really Dumb If…
Hi Shannon
There are two possibilities here. 1)Become more efficient during 8:30-4:00 - what really needs to get done?
and 2)From 4:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. I’m in ?mommy / drill sergeant mode - can you make this from 4:00 -8 pm? with dad taking over as drill sergeant at 8 pm? He might need a little training - do a shift change at 7:45. This is what is left to do - hand over the list and head for the office.
Tom(TRCoach)
Personal Development by TRCoachs last blog post..Visualizing success by keeping it real
I needed 8 - 10 hours myself, especially when my kids were little. I use to nap when mine napped. I’d be the first to also admit that when my youngest went to school full day - I’d crawl back into bed - simply because I could. Those were the days! I slept like a rock those mornings. As if I was catching up from years of not sleeping - There is this whole brain chemistry thing that needs to happen when you sleep, if you use all that chemistry during the day it needs to recharge while you sleep 100%, when you start the cycle that you are in - it never has a chance to fully charge and is actually harmful to your health. I know this because I completely crashed. Physically and emotionally. I would never wish that on any mom - we all know how much our families rely on us. I’d aslosuggest delegation and reevaluation of tasks. For example I don’t do dishes after each meal, I do dishes once a day. I might have a messy counter, but I clean it all just once a day. Also even during prime time - pause - mini deep breathing is very rejuvenating - oh my gosh this comment got long - I’m sorry but I went through this and I really feel for you
Hello Shannon, It is your long lost twin from MA. I have been reading your blogs and just amazed that we yet again are having the same issues. Your blog the other day about being in the moment and the struggle about playing with your kids but needing to get stuff done, i feel is my daily battle as well, no matter what i am doing i feel guilty, guilty when i do house chores that i am not with the kids and guilty when i am with the kids that i am not getting house chores done.. and what you said about really being in the moment when you are with them and there is a difference really hit home for me, since that is so hard to do. Regarding todays message,, so with you, i feel like my house work begins at 9pm, my alarm also goes off at 630 and we are off and running, i do work out of the home and we all return around 315 to dinner and homework and baths and bed and the same run around, and i like you love sleep and have a hard time getting our of bed,,, i think that last poster about delegating to your husband is great,,, now if we could only get them to do things exactly as we would,,,, thanks again for making me feel so not alone, Missy