I can still hear the asinine statements that my friends have uttered to me over the last ten years since I veered off the “career fast track” after having my first child.
“I wish I could sit home and eat bon bons all day.”
This gem came from a working woman who didn’t have any kids. A year later, after she had her first child, she came over to our house for dinner one night overwhelmed and exhausted. In a moment of spite, thinly veiled by humor, I asked her if she was enjoying her bon bons.
“What do you DO all day?”
As I tell my kids, it’s not just what you say, but how you say it. In this case, it was the incredulous tone that hit a nerve. What could have been a simple conversation starter translated to “How do you stand staying home all day doing nothing?”
“When I was home with the baby, I didn’t even bother to shower.”
This statement was particularly rude because it was my neighbor’s response when I called to clarify what time I could expect her son to be dropped off because I had agreed to let him wait for the bus at our house so she could get to work. She had originally told me 8:20 a.m., but her son was consistently being dropped off at 8:00 a.m. and more than once I was in my underwear with wet hair.
I don’t think these people intended to be patronizing and insensitive. (Though they definitely were!) However, I do think their statements revealed their perception of the life of a “stay-at-home mom.” *
When a woman decides to stay home full-time to care for her children she gets to lay around all day unshowered eating bon bons.
Why do some people think if you’re not working full-time outside the home that you’re lazy and slovenly?
Can someone tell me?
* I don’t even like the term “stay-at-home mom” and don’t consider myself one, but that is how people perceive me. I’ll get into that in another post!
Shannon Hutton draws on her experience working full-time, part-time and from home with three kids to blog about the universal challenge of achieving work-life balance. She also uses her Master's in Education and professional experience as a School Counselor to address parenting and school issues in her weekly 
Seriously! I’m a new mother and have been freelancing for a few months now. I swear when I heard the words “Well, I’m the only one working” from my Husband, I nearly became a widow.
I think I might do a “day in the life” post about being a freelance writer at home with a newborn!
mercurial scribe’s last blog post..The Labor Saga - part 1
This reminds me of the time the hubby came home and asked me the same question. I went on strike and he learned a lesson:
http://parentingsquad.com/when-mom-goes-on-strike
Shannon, my daughter has been a stay at home mom for 21 years and she’s only going to be 42 in August. In addition when she married her husband he brought two beautiful boys ages 3 and 4 which she shared with their natural mom.
They had a son nine months old.
currently they have 7 children. Sherry to this moment boils when people imply (and they do) her life is easy and she must be watching TV and eating bon bons…life must be great for her…
I sizzle because I know you’d need two maids and a nurse to replace her..However, the perception probably won’t change, just as I’m considered a Bitch because I make my positions clear no matter who I’m dealing with in the work field. When men do the same they are considered great executives. Women they’ll say must be having their you know what….
So, recognize who you are and what your value is… the heck with what everyone else thinks. Work on your own self confidence. I’ve done it for many years. I often go to women’s organizations and inevitably we’ll share similar stories and feelings when we’re just chatting. It is always helpful to know other women feel and have the same thoughts and experiences. I rarely give in to the pressure of what others think. I work hard to establish my understanding of who I am what I’m worth and that I like and approve of myself. It’s not easy, I say it like my mantra.. I’m proud of who I’ve become…and who my daughter is as stay at home mom…
Adding to this a few very good girl friends who have been there for me for over 40 years giving me support during the harder times. So any of you that are stay at home moms hats off to you..and I give you my heartfelt congratulations for a job well done.
Shannon thanks for the recognition of moms at home, who are often not given the credit they deserve..
My best,
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
http://www.grammology.com
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Guest Post from Debbie Lane
I am SOOO with you on this one!As an at home Mom, I get comments like that all the time. There are days I itch to trade places,just temporarily, with my full-time at work friends. No messy house to come home to, adult intereaction, praise for a job well done, etc. But then…my 7yo squeals and jumps into my arms as she gets off the school bus, my 4yo grabs a HUGE blanket and asks me to “cuddle up” with her on the couch, my 18mos old coos as she uses her chubby little hands to play with my necklace when I’m hanging over her kissing her “night-night” at nap-time. Can’t get those moments back no matter how hard we try…
Thanks for giving all of us a voice!
BIG SMOOCHES TO YOU, MY FOREVER FRIEND! LOVE YOU MUCH!!!!
It’s more important how you feel about
yourself than what people who don’t walk in your shoes think.
Love DAD