When to Tell Your Kids You’re Planning to Divorce

When To Tell

Choose a time when the conversation will not be rushed and both parents will be around to answer any additional questions the children may have. I suggest telling children on a day they do not have school, so they can process their feelings in the comfort of their own home, and on a day that neither parent has to work or go out of town soon thereafter.

The timing of the conversation also depends on the ages of the children. For children 5 years old and younger, it is best to tell them one to two days before one parent moves out of the home. When parents tell young children earlier than that, it confuses them because they continue to see both parents living together.

For elementary and middle school children, it is best to tell them a few days to a week before one parent moves out, in order to give them time to process what’s happening and ask additional questions while both parents are still living at home.

If your children are in high school, it is best to tell them at least two weeks before one parent leaves so they can talk about it with their friends and figure out how the divorce is going to affect them. However, regardless of how old your children are, it is important that they hear about the divorce directly from their parents and not from someone else. Therefore, be careful if you tell others about your decision to divorce before you tell your children.

I’m a certified school counselor who works with students on various issues including anger management, social skills, anxiety, divorce, self-esteem, study skills, impulsivity and bullying. If you have any parenting or school issues that you would like me to address, please leave me a comment. I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have in my weekly Ask the School Counselor segment.