When to Tell Your Kids You’re Planning to Divorce

Last week I talked about how to tell your children you are getting a divorce. Now, let’s talk about when.

Before I provide this type of guidance, I want to reiterate the importance of having both parents present during this pivotal conversation.

When both parents sit down to tell their children about the divorce, it demonstrates to children that the decision to divorce is a joint one, even if that is not the case. Although I understand it can be very difficult, it is crucial that parents maintain a unified position on getting divorced as opposed to blaming one parent for the life-altering decision. However, before even considering when to tell children about the divorce, parents must be absolutely certain the decision is final. Since most kids hope their divorced parents will reconcile, it is detrimental to children if their parents engage in an on-again, off-again relationship because this contributes to children maintaining false hopes of a future reconciliation.

It is also imperative that both parents be present when telling children about the divorce so they can reinforce firsthand that although they will no longer be married, they will always be parents and love their children. Parents also need to emphasize together that their decision to divorce is not their children’s fault in any way because children often blame themselves when their parents divorce. Finally, both parents need to tell their children that they are available to talk anytime.

If it is impossible for both parents to talk to the children at the same time — maybe one spouse has left unexpectedly, or there are safety issues involved — explain to your children that the decision is a joint one, but the other parent was unable to take part in the conversation.

Click on Page 2 below to read more about when to tell your children you’re getting a divorce.