eBay Feedback: Who Says “I Love You” First? Buyers or Sellers?

I insist that the only way to become an outstanding eBay seller is to be a consistent eBay buyer first. As such, you learn how it feels to participate in transactions from both sides. You learn what is important to both the buyer and the seller. What qualities make the biggest impressions. What to look for in future transactions.

One of the most interesting conundrums when viewed from both sides? Feedback.

Who says “I love you” first?

Ever since becoming an eBay seller, I’ve been interested in the “who should leave feedback first– buyer or seller?” debate. An endless debate, I assure you.

Initially, I left feedback for my buyers as soon as they paid for their item. It demonstrated trust and gratitude, in my opinion. But as my sales began to go up, so did my problems. Mo’ money, mo’ problems, indeed.

Evolution of My eBay Seller Feedback Policy

The beginning of the end of my eBay feedback naivety honeymoon began with a misunderstanding in terms. Not surprisingly, my first negative feedback came from a rather confused and confusing buyer.

My buyer was a woman who paid immediately and I left positive feedback immediately. I promised to ship her item within three business days of payment, clearly stated in the listing and in follow-up emails, and did so. However, on the third day after the auction ended, she left negative feedback because her item had not yet arrived.

First of all, had I shipped the item the moment the auction ended, it still would not have arrived on her doorstep, yet. Second of all, what?

The negative feedback was the first time I had heard from her since receiving her payment. I was completely blindsided and utterly crushed, as I saw my feedback as vital to my reputation as an eBay seller. I emailed the buyer and explained my shipping procedures again, took her step-by-step through what “business days” are, and explained the logistics of the postal system. All in a very friendly way.

She replied with a simple, “Oops. Sorry. Hope that negative doesn’t hurt your rating too much.”

Deep breath. Remind myself that, as sellers, we must work with the lowest common denominator, and just move on. I tried to broach the option of a mutual feedback withdrawal, although I had not left her negative feedback, but that was a lost cause before I even started. She was so confused by the entire process and genuinely felt that the feedback system could be used as a message system, blindly clicking past all of eBay’s warnings before you are allowed to leave a negative.

Nevertheless, I chose to remain optimistic and continued to leave feedback for my buyers immediately upon receiving their payment. I was doing so with some trepidation, though, as I was quickly learning that a buyer’s responsibility to contribute to a fair and honest transaction does not end with their clicking the “Pay Now” button.

I would soon change my approach to eBay feedback.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I routinely offer bonuses to my buyers as thanks for their choosing my auctions. I call them “lagniappe,” which means “something extra and unexpected.” When a buyer purchases multiple auctions or is particularly pleasant to work with, I will often upgrade their bonuses, sometimes to a duplicate of the item they have purchased. This is always met with surprise and gratitude, not to mention repeat business.

Except for one buyer that would be the catalyst for my feedback policy change.

The buyer was a man who had purchased some bath items for his wife. I knew that he was excited to have found her favorite discontinued bath goodies, so I decided to double the amount of bonuses that he had earned. Since this resulted in quite a few little travel-size bath items, I wrapped them all up in a little reusable plastic toiletry bag. My, what a thoughtful seller am I! He will be thrilled.

Um, no. Not so much.

The day he received his items, he emailed me and said, “Everything arrived as promised, but you only sent one bonus. I should have received three. Please rectify immediately.”

Hmmmm. Well, he must just be confused, because I actually sent six bonuses plus a gift bag. And is he really complaining about free gifts? Yes, he is. No good deed goes unpunished.

I emailed him and explained that what he must be considering “one” bonus was actually one gift bag full of double the bonuses. He had not, in fact, earned three gift bags full of bonuses. I then redirected him to the achingly clear language in my listings, explaining what the bonuses entailed.

His response? “I understand that I misunderstood when I saw the gift bag. However, if you see fit, I would appreciate two more gift bags of bonuses. I particularly like such and such scent. I’ll leave feedback once those gift bags arrive.”

I immediately changed my feedback policy.

Who is the feedback hostage here?

From that auction forward, I began noting in each transaction that I will happily leave feedback for buyers once they have acknowledged receipt of their items. I was very specific that I was not withholding feedback until I had received feedback from the buyers, however. A simple email letting me know that they had received their package was sufficient.

I felt this protected me from several bad buyer habits. Most notably, it ended the free-for-all that I had created by leaving feedback immediately upon payment. Instead, I made it more evident that I expected my buyers to do more than just pay on time: they should also honestly acknowledge that I had fulfilled my end of the bargain. No funny business.

If I had not fulfilled my duties as a seller? I would more than make it up to them and negative feedback would not be disputed. However, I could no longer allow myself to be held hostage by my buyers’ feedback. As I had been handling feedback, there was nothing stopping buyers from scamming me once their packages arrived. And yes, there are plenty of ways to cause havoc long after you have paid for an auction.

Which I think I have illustrated.

Still undecided.

But am I right in my decision to withhold feedback until I have at least received acknowledgment that the buyer has received his package? Is not being an honest and diligent seller enough to protect me? Does it not set a positive tone for the remainder of the transaction when I demonstrate good faith by leaving positive feedback upon receipt of payment?

Would a buyer be more or less likely to take advantage of me once they have secured positive feedback?

That last question is of particular interest right now. eBay has recently implemented a change to their feedback policies: Sellers may no longer leave negative or neutral feedback for buyers. Buyers are the only transaction participants enabled to leave negative feedback, as of May 2008.

A can of worms for another day, in which I ask you, “Who is the feedback hostage now?”

In the meantime, what is your approach to feedback? As both a buyer and a seller? I’ve shared my approach with you, but I admit that I am still open to change. How do you handle eBay feedback?