My daughter has always been a very verbal child. Which is a euphemism for saying that when she wants or needs something, she demands it at the top of her lungs. Everything from getting a drink of water to a barrette falling out of her hair is a matter of the utmost urgency. I’ve always attributed this to her diva-like personality and tried to stress politeness and reasonable decibel levels.
Over the weekend, I did a little babysitting for my niece and nephew (aged almost two and four). My house was pretty much a zoo of giggling children. At one point during the day, the kids were being pretty independent, so I took the opportunity to answer some emails and make a few job bids on my laptop. All was going well for awhile until my daughter came running up to me.
“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” she screamed with her normal, frantic tendency. “Piggy* is stuck. He needs help. Help him! Help him!” I sort of murmured a response, saved the email I was working on, and trailed my eyes to where she was jumping about and continuing her screams.
Lo and behold, there he was. My nephew had worked his way through the dog door and all I could see was his bottom half, his legs flailing about trying to work themselves free.
After I had a quick chuckle (and took a picture), I went to go help the poor little guy. He was calling for assistance, but in a way that I have no framework for understanding. His voice was barely above talking level as he cried, “Aunt Tamara, Aunt Tamara, I need help. I’m stuck.” Don’t get me wrong – he was upset about being stuck – but in a quiet, understated sort of way.
I was suddenly struck with a thought: Why does my nephew make calm demands while my daughter screams every little thing as though it were end of the world? Is it inherent personality that makes them so different, or is my daughter reacting in the only way that gets my attention – by screaming bloody murder?
I’ll be the first to admit that I am really, really good at tuning things out when I’m working. I’ve adapted the way I focus so that nothing but obvious danger can penetrate my productive haze. My daughter is smart. She probably just found her own way of getting my attention no matter what.
By screaming.
I’m curious if other freelancing parents have discovered ways in which their work-at-home status has a negative reflection on their kids. We always talk about the benefits of working form home (spending more time with our kids, saving money on childcare), but we rarely address the potentially negative side effects that surely exist in full force.
Care to share?
* Not his real name. Nor is it in any way a reference to Lord of the Flies.
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Christina Lemmey is the mother of two school-aged girls, a wife, and the owner of 
Ah, the downside of working from home. I agree, there definitely is one. And though the pros significantly outweigh the cons, I do cringe when my girls sometimes tease me and call me “Screen Mommy.” Ouch. That’s always my cue to spend less time at the computer and more time with them.
“Not his real name. Nor is it in any way a reference to Lord of the Flies.”
Just one of the many, many reasons I adore you.
Wow, I haven’t really thought of it that way. Just figured it was a personality thing. For one thing, my older boy panics sometimes, but other times is quite reasonable. The two reactions can happen within minutes of each other – for example, when he wants to call my attention to something on a video while I’m working; sometimes it’s, “Hey Mom. He’s riding on an icthyosaur. Cool, huh?” and then two minutes later: “MOM!!! You HAVE TO SEE THIS!!! WATCH WATCH WATCH!!!” (He seems to be able to time them according to when I need to focus most.)
My younger boy, being pre-verbal, simply hangs off my arm when I’m working. The mouse arm, you know. And he whiiiiiiines. But I think that has more to do with his voice – he’s done that since he was a newborn…
All humor aside, I can always tell when I’ve been working too hard – they both push all my buttons, along with each other’s. I have been known to blow off deadlines just to take them out somewhere to enjoy time together. And you know? Often I get the work done on time anyway. Perception is everything…
“Why does my nephew make calm demands while my daughter screams every little thing as though it were end of the world?”
Partly because it’s her house and she’s comfortable in it. Put her in your brothers/sisters house and she’ll act the same way while her cousins are the ones screeching. My brothers/sisters/in law and I switch all the time and everyone’s kids are angels at everyone else’s house.
As for the REAL question, does WAH have repercussions on my kids? In a way. That’s why I try to keep work time & family time seperate.
One guilt button that always gets me that’s a result of NOT keeping things seperate: everytime the family is going somewhere fun, the kids are in the habit of asking “Is mom coming?” This question resulted from the multitude of times that their dad took them somewhere FUN out of the hosue so I could meet a deadline. So guess what? Now daddy has the reputation of being the “fun” parent while mom has the reputation of being the work a holic- which is nuts cause I’m the one with them 80% of the time!
I simply cannot wait until school starts, and I work 9-3 every day, and no more of this “go away, mommy’s trying to work right now.” I can’t stand it!
My daughter pretends to choke. I have a nearly psychotic preoccupation with the idea that she’s going to die by choking, ever since she was tiny and she nearly did. So she has realized the only way to get me to her side in .5 seconds is to use my worst fear against me. She’s a charmer.
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This is directly related to my absent, “Mmmhm,” when she asks for something and the long waiting time she lives before I acknowledge she’s spoken to me. Not ignoring her – just… absent. Working.
My toddler asks once, politely, asks louder, firmly and marches over to grab my face and haul my head around.
A pair of big green eyes grab all my attention and her little chubby hands grip my face. “DADDY. I *SAID* Come. Help. Me. Put. Dora. On. TV.”
Yes, dear.
I don`t think your daughter yelling has anything to do with you working at home. Some kids are just like that. My older son will ask me quietly for things while his younger brother screeches at me any time he wants attention.
That being said, I think being a WAHM does affect my kids. There are days when I put them in front of the TV to reach a deadline. But I think the advantages much outweigh the disadvantages. Yesterday, for example, we found a cute little kitten and I took the afternoon off to teach the boys how to hold it and just generally having fun. Of course, today I`m paying for this . . . and they are watching Toy Story while I work. :S
I think it’s just personality. I find it to be a plus that my kids are learning pretty early on to be independent and not need me to do everything for them.
We have times the TV can be on and times it must be off. They know that healthy snacks can be had almost any time, but other snacks must be asked for. They’ll play for hours in the back yard if the weather isn’t too hot.
And my daughter thinks that part of the job of ‘Mommy’ is to work on the computer. I can feel bad about that sometimes, but at least she knows there’s work that can be done from home.
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I have a screamer….but I think it’s due to personality rather than working at home. I was the same way and mom did not work in or outside of the home when I was young.
Does working at home have negative repercussions? Probably. But that can be said about most decisions we make as parents. There’s always a downside to the different ways of doing things. Instead of stressing about it, I just focus on the good parts of being able to raise my children on my terms.
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I homeschool three kids (8, 6, and 1.5yrs. old) and manage part-time freelance writing, so I know the demands. My oldest just repeats, “Mom, mom, mom, mom, are you listening, mom?” My middle child just pulls up a chair beside me and does drawing, and my littlest is the pushy one. She shoves my chair aside and climbs into my lap with a board book. Luckily I have them memorized now so I can continue working while “reading” to her. Oh the pleasures of mixing parenthood and writing.
“I’ve adapted the way I focus so that nothing but obvious danger can penetrate my productive haze” – I am totally the same
Sometimes I think no matter what I do I’m wrong. I’m home because I feel best about myself when I’m home. Surely when my kids are grown they will have reasons I have failed. I really don’t care. They are loved, and I am loving it.