My daughter recently turned three. And I have a confession to make. Until last week, she still used a binky to go to sleep each night.
Feel free to chastise accordingly (goodness knows I’ve done it), but no matter how many times I tried to extricate the thing from the vice of her determination, I caved. She looked so pathetic with those big crocodile tears and shuddering breaths – all she wanted was a little bit of comfort to help her get through the night. So time and time again, I extended the deadline of its banishment and shouldered a little more mommy guilt.
Then, last week, I was in a bad mood. A. Bad. Mood. Work wasn’t going well, I was feeling deprived of caffeine, my husband was still in the midst of two full-time jobs, and I was just plain crabby. So when my daughter started to cry before bedtime because she couldn’t find her binky, I just told her, “Sorry. We got rid of them. You can’t have one anymore.”
She tried all her usual tactics: crying, begging, telling me she loves me. But I wasn’t budging. (Because in my house, when Mommy ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.) So she gave up and went to bed. And slept sounder than she ever has before. Since then, she’s asked for it twice, given a little sigh when told “no,” and moved on.
What? It was that easy?
My husband has decided that Evil Mommy is really good at laying down the law in ways that Normal Mommy is not. Evil Mommy makes her daughter eat what’s served or nothing at all, she turns off the television with nary an apology in sight, and she doesn’t take any crap. She’s hardcore.
So, we’ve decided that, like the Hulk or Niki Sanders, I must learn to channel Evil Mommy when the situation calls for it rather than simply being prey to my emotions.
I like this idea, because I can’t help but think that Evil Mommy would be really good at certain parts of our business. Bill collecting, for example. We currently have about $1,000 in outstanding payments from several clients. Normal Tamara is not good about pushing them. She listens to apologies and takes them at face value, she offers much-too-generous time allowances, and she politely backs off. I get the sensation that Evil Tamara won’t take “no” for an answer. She’ll get her money, no matter who she has to threaten to get it.
She might come in handy at other times, as well. She’d be great at negotiations, hard-headed sales tactics, and responses to mean comments on our blogs. She’d get what she needs from the people she hires without feeling bad about it. I kind of like her.
And now that I’ve discovered her lurking deep inside, I’m excited to get to know her a little better. I think she’ll be a great asset to our team.
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Christina Lemmey is the mother of two school-aged girls, a wife, and the owner of 
I charge my clients 1.5% of the invoice when they are past due. This is usually enough to light a fire under them to get the bill paying process going. No need to get hostile with any of them.
Marvyns last blog post..My Favorite Christmas Movies
Maybe you’re ready for Ford’s “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers”? I used to hide my snarl under a huge bushel basket until I read the book and started to get that hiding it meant the snarl was in control of me and not the other way around.
And when the credit card company processes your payment for $3 instead of the $300 and charges a fee and smashes your credit report a well-placed and modulated snarl gets results and apologies very quickly.
bah, my son had his binky til 2ish, which is officially too late, but whatevs!
anyway, I just got word from a magazine that they’re having financial problems and won’t be paying last issue $ until January. Sigh.
Allena Tapias last blog post..PitchFest- No Baseballs Required
Myeh, no need to feel guilty about prolonged binky use. If it bought you some peace and quiet when she was using it, that’s nothing to feel guilty for! (Me, I tried to get my daughter to use a binky with no luck. Now she insists that I am her binky. This will get interesting when she is older.)
And yes, one’s evil side does come in quite handy for business
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Michelle, don’t worry about your daughter using you as a binky. I had a similar problem and my pediatrician raised a good point: They all give it up at some point. Who ever heard of a 16 year old who still wants to sleep in their parents bed?
Yes, I think I have that person hiding within me too and I have the same difficulties you do. (i.e., requesting payments, etc.) You’re right, there has to be a balance established.
Loved this post.
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Don’t worry – you’ll REALLY get to know Evil Mommy as your child ages. By the time she’s six, Evil Mommy may even take complete possession.
You can send Evil Mommy over here any time, my kids have a far worse habit than a binky at bedtime, bottles.
I think it`s a great idea to start using that power in business, though. Maybe you could give us all lessons once you`ve figured out how to balance?
That’s not even Evil Mommy behavior–that’s just Firm Mommy. Or Asssertive Mommy. You’ve got a looooong way to go to be Evil Mommy!
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I don’t have children but evil me comes in quite handy when the dogs nibble on the couch.
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Michelle,
My daughter had hers until she was 2 and I had to throw them all away in the middle of the night. I totally understand the Evil Mommy! It can be hard to balance the roles of parenting and friends to our children.
http://motormouthmandi.blogspot.com/
Don’t worry about the binky. If she faces the world with courage and a binky in her knapsack, then good for her. As for evil Mommy, there are some of those and let’s reserve the word for its proper place (as in beating kids, prostituting them, etc). But by all means call upon your inner Strict Mommy. You know, when there is an unbearable tone of insolence directed at you and “EXCUSE ME!?!” comes out of your mouth? That will also do for collecting bills. Earning a living is a challenge for writers, freelancers and women. Combine all three and you really need your inner SM.
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I used a binky until I was 3 also so there is nothing to be ashamed about
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