Now, if I feel the tears coming on, I would excuse myself immediately and tell them I have to continue the meeting at another time–and then bring my department head or union rep with me.

Now I’m a freelancer and telecommuter, though, so it isn’t as much of an issue.

I still get angry at what they did when I think about it, though.

Thank you for your post. If I had read it before that meeting, I would have been more prepared for what happened when my emotions welled up.

But, like I said, I’m also one of those who eventually reaches a point where it’s either scream, pummel something, cry, or fight to hold it back until I just completely melt down, which is seldom pretty. (This is why I shall never work tech support again, other than the fact talking eight hours a day seems like the ninth ring of hell to me.) Taking up martial arts helped a bit, because I could punch and kick away my frustrations on the big punching bag hanging in the corner. But you still get caught in situations when the reaction is immediate, and there’s no other outlet for stress, embarrassment, anger, or what have you other than shedding a few tears. (Screaming does tend to attract unwanted attention, and pummeling a client is usually a very bad way to go.)

Honestly, I have to say that it has been a long time since I’ve cried at work. I think that’s partly because I don’t have any face-to-face situations since I’ve started working at home. When I was in a traditional office, though, I can remember a few instances when (to my horror) I burst into tears.

Good post!

have a try with EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. It is simple, and it works. I am using it with my clients all the time (I am psychologist).
Go to emofree.com

Ida

Good for you guys to come to Tamara’s defense on this one. I don’t know what kind of a benefit anyone receives by saying something unnecessarily combative in a situation like this. Tamara used a lot of courage to detail an emotionally vulnerable situation, something we all can learn from. The person who responded negatively isn’t even going to get any traffic from her comment since her URL doesn’t work. What on earth was it for, then?

Tamara, you go ahead and cry if you need to. People of both genders have been yelling and screaming because of stress for years. Some people get drunk or high or emotionally absent – I think a little cry every now and again is a pretty damn good way to cope.

You are not responsible for other people’s interpretations or reactions.

In high school (don’t ask how long ago that was) a teacher defined stereotype as shorthand for shallow people. Maybe she met your commenter.

Lulu Island, you’ll be happy to know that I didn’t tear up at your comment!

Before becoming a freelancer, I worked in retail and food service for years. I have been yelled at by irate customers more times than I care to remember. And each time, it got to me emotionally.

It has taken me years to disover that this is just the kind of person I am, and I’m pretty sure that this discovery will continue for the rest of my life. I feel things pretty deeply, and I have a physical reaction to emotional stress. As I said in the article, I’m sorry if it feeds into stereotypes. But it’s who I am.

This is going to come out all sideways so take a couple of deep breaths and read it twice.

You have a gift you don’t know how to appreciate because our society has deemed it a failing. Emotions and tears, because they are so defined by culture, make us feel unprofessional and out-of-control. But that is not the truth. Emotions and tears are red-flags and safety valves, and they are also our connection to ourselves and each other.

This client is disrespectful. You do not need to allow anyone to continue to treat you disrespectfully regardless of differences in professional opinions. You are a person of worth and dignity. Even though crying (whether he saw it or not) might feel at the moment like a victory for him try to hold on to the notion that he is doing this regularly and eventually will have no one left to bid on his work because he can’t really hide behind email anymore.

You used the term “confront back” and to a point (undefined) that is not a bad stance to take, maybe not the first option but anyway. But even Seth Godin acknowledges that some customers are too expensive and it’s okay to fire them. Whatever it costs to get rid of them is going to be a bargain over trying to make a bad relationship work.

This one may have been a male but I personally have found women to be more insidious in drawing blood in a disagreement. Chin up.