We’re all working hard to get somewhere with our blogs and businesses. With lots of my hard work paying off lately, I’m finding that the increased exposure is having some side effects that I’m having a difficult time with. It’s getting increasingly difficult to respond to comments and links – which is really stressing me out because I really miss doing that and I know it’s really important to you. Every week I’m digging myself out of nearly 1000 email messages and sometimes things slip through the cracks.
But the hardest part of all is that I’m getting to a point where people are not exactly always saying positive things about me and the way I approach business and life.
You’re probably saying “Well, you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” And you would be 100% right about that. But putting yourself into a position to actually have to read and hear judgments or attacks is… well, challenging at best and it downright hurts at worst.
A little self-coaching was in order. What would I say to a client with this question?
Try it On – Does it Fit?
As hard as it is to admit it, sometimes people can deliver great feedback in a nasty package. Sometimes the things that bother us the most have a shred of truth to them. It makes it even harder to hear when people say it in a mean or attacking sort of way. But if there IS a bit of truth to hear, it’s far better to acknowledge it and grow from the experience. Otherwise it will come up again. And again.
Pick Your Battles
Ask yourself – is this really a good use of my energy and time? Some nasty comments are best blown off – especially if you “tried it on” and it didn’t fit! Sometimes misunderstandings can spread and become big problems – it’s important to draw a line between potentially damaging information and someone who is just venting or being an idiot.
Spin it Baby
They say that there is no such thing as bad PR. I guess that’s true, but good god, you’ve gotta have a strong stomach to deal with bad PR!! A great example of this is the Heart Attack Grill in Arizona, who spun the spun the controversy around his artery-clogging menu items into big business and press mentions nationwide.
Let Your Brand do the Talking
I was personally attacked (via email) for moderating members of a group who were breaking the TOS. While I sat back and composed myself, friends defended both my decisions and my actions – by the time it was over I never had to say a thing! If you consistently act in a manner that comes from a place of integrity and caring, people who know you will speak out when the trolls act up.
Pick up the Phone
For some reason, the anonymity of the internet can really bring out the worst in people. Remember that body language and tone of voice accounts for over 90% of what we communicate. Sometimes even the most nicely worded emails can be grossly misunderstood without the right visual and voice cues. When things get out of hand, it’s time to pick up the phone and set things straight.
Respond Only When You’re Centered
Responding to negative feedback when it is fresh and stinging is NOT the right time. You may be able to come up with some real stinging comments yourself in this state, but in the end, this doesn’t serve your highest good (nor anyone else’s!). Always take a few moments (or days!) to chill out before you respond to ensure that the message you are sending is the one you WANT to send.
Find the Silver Lining
In every mess there is a gift – and after living through my share of messes, I can safely say it’s ok to trust the process when negativity raises it’s head. Sometimes it’s exactly the shakeup you (or a community) needs in order to get on the right track. Seeking out the lesson always makes the situation brighter.
Stay Focused on Your Outcome
Sometimes, there’s just nothing you can do about the negativity – you can’t address it, and you can’t change someone’s mind. While you walk away, don’t walk away “backwards” while you continue to look at the problem. Look to the future, and at the very least, you can tell yourself, “Well, this must mean I’m getting more famous and closer to my goals!!”.
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Sparkplugging Founder Wendy Piersall is dang passionate about helping people start & grow a business while maintaining life balance (somehow). 
Easton Ellsworth is owner of 
Great suggestions, Wendy. Funny thing is regardless of the love I’ve gotten over the last few months, I’ve had a few critical readers in the last week..primarily regarding my layout. This has spurred me on to “Try It On”, and “Stay Focused”. I’ve been working on a new layout in the last few weeks, but have kinda slacked on getting it done.
I think that you do a great job here, so you shouldn’t bother at all with negative comments. I remember when one of my posts got farked, the comments were incredibly mean. Then I read on other blogs that it happens all the time. So I decided to ignore them. In the real life, we don’t get read by so many people, and yet we encounter negative comments. This virtual world amplifies everything, including the dark face of some people.
“you can tell yourself, “Well, this must mean I’m getting more famous and closer to my goals!!”.
Now, THAT’s the way to end it! Ha Ha!
Did you “tape” our phone conversation on this very subject?
I’ve been taking your advice and now I purposefully let certain emails sit before responding. Then, I reply, and let that sit in my ‘drafts’ folder over night some times too.
With all the good…its that one or two stingers that stings ;-(
Brilliant post Wendy! I can’t imagine who would ever say anything negative about your work, you do such a good job always!
I like this post Wendy, I am a big promoter of optimism, especially when it comes to putting a positive spin on a negative situation. I can’t imagine someone talking badly about your work, but every blog fan base has their sour apples I imagine…
My favorite, stay focused, that does it the trick for me more often than not!
I love the last comment because while I was reading this I was thinking ‘Oh to be at a point where people are having an opinion about what I’m doing here’ – then bam we’re on the same page. I’m looking to the future.
I don’t mind someone disagreeing with me, unless it turns abusive. I agree with letting things sit for a while, a little cooling down period. Thanks for the great post!
“Respond only when you’re centred.”
Excellent point, Wendy. It’s like the ‘count to ten’ action.
The internet is an easy way for pathetic people to bitch and moan and it gives you no way of tracking them in a sense. I dont mind feedback from people but its definitely annoying when people say oh blahblah sucks and don’t tell you why they don’t like it. I love to hear feedback even if it is negative why so I can improve on the site for everyone to enjoy it. I know I can’t please everyone but if people have problem with an adplacement, certain ads or whatever. I would be more than happy to fix it.
I was abosolutely shocked when I started getting trolled on my Something Good blog. It just seems so outside the realm of what we do there! As much as I don’t want to admit it, those comments hurt, and I’ve obsessed over them a time or two. What really seemed to make the most difference was giving it some time aka: “respond only when you’re focused.” Once the initial shock wore off (sometimes it took a few days), I could respond much more ratioanlly instead of from a place of hurt and anger. In fact, I often find that after a little time away, I didn’t even want to respond. In the end, I created a “commenting policy” that allows for folks to state their own opinions, as long as they do it in a respectful manner. If you’re just being a jackass, then your comment gets deleted without a response. Having that policy in place made me feel better, and I actually haven’t had to deal with much trolling there since it went into effect.
It’s funny that this morning, I received my most negative comments to date. I was really upset about it and had to give myself a pep talk to feel better. What a coincidence to find your well-written article about this subject today of all days.
Kendra, I swear it’s in the air lately or something. Some of the most (I thought) normal people I know have just been being downright jackasses lately.
My friend Jessica Duquette sent me a great article on the subject as well today. The bottom line? “The higher you climb, the easier of a target you become!”
Thats true. My friend received some nasty comments on her site about her pictures of her family and everything and I felt that was so rude but I told her you must have done something right to have angered someone because if you didn’t spark something in them they wouldn’t have commented, commenting means they care enough to tell you. Its when people visit your site and don’t comment its that disinterest thats worse. I get tons of visitors but its when people comment I know that something said was important. Thats why I always comment to every site I goto. I see sometimes when some popular people visit my site and don’t comment, and it hurts a little. But I make it a point to always return comments and always comment. Even if it isn’t something positive I try to be nice about it. But when someone leaves something nasty I try to see their point of view and construct something good from it.
To anyone who gets negatives thrown your way…
Remember most people see you as “they” are, not as “you” are. What they are most often expressing is an unfulfilled desire that they are not actively creating.
They direct negatives towards you because of something within themselves that they are unhappy with but it’s easier to attack and criticize you than it is to actually do the work inside themselves to change it internally.
Remember that it’s not about you so it doesn’t deserve the energy of letting it upset you. Get to know the delete button and if necessary, unsubscribe them from your list.
Live Your Dreams,
-Jill
http://www.GoalGuru.com
This has to be one of the hardest things to do ever! Sometimes I would rather throw punches or at least snap back.
Great post wendy, I’m sure you have tons of people who will stick up for you
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These are awesome ideas on how to turn negative feedbacks into a positive one..^^..indeed I will always keep these ideas in mind..Thanks for sharing it Wendy!
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Thanks for mentioning the Heart Attack Grill. I appreciate your kinds. Yes it was a scary battle at first, but we got lucky and it turned out well for the “Home of The Double Bypass Burger”. Keep up the good work Wendy!
Dr Jon
Chief Surgeon
Heart Attack Grill
Having been the victim of some negativity lately I can tell you its easy to beat yourself up, especially if it un-warranted . In the end, all you can do is all you can do, and all you can do is enough. Wendy you are correct after the dust settles your goal will clearly be in focus, and its time to “get after it”, thanks for a great post
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