Confessions of a Natural Born Follower

I do not consider myself a natural born leader.

In fact, I’m the exact opposite - I was a natural born follower. I spent my childhood and teenage years doing what everyone else was doing, and believing and behaving as I thought people expected of me. By the time I was 18 years old, I had a bit of an awakening. I realized that there was not one part of my personality that wasn’t an imitation of something or someone else I wanted to be like.

Even while I was in college, I struggled to find myself in the midst of all of the facades I had built. But it came to a head when I had to plan my senior project in order to graduate. I was forced myself to take a leadership role with a group of friends I considered my peers. I still cringe when I think about it.

Being a leader was so NOT natural for me. Any time I found myself having to make decisions, I naturally sought guidance from outside sources to figure out what I needed to do next. I didn’t trust myself, didn’t trust my experience, and just desperately wanted someone to tell me where I should be headed.

What if I led people in the wrong direction?

What if I made a mistake and hurt someone?

What if I wasn’t enough to handle the job?

What if, what if, what if???

You may not believe me, but still today I sometimes have to force myself to be the leader. When I was a follower, I saw leaders as confident, powerful, and popular people that seemed to naturally gifted in the art of perfect words and actions. What I am finding more and more as I get to know other entrepreneurs, is that most of the time, even with a plan, experience, and even guidance, we sometimes feel like we are free-falling off of a cliff.

While at BlogHer last week, I had the honor and privilege to be in a room with many women entrepreneurs at all levels of experience. It was led by the inspiring Susan Mernit Co-founder & CEO of Peoples Software Company and Patricia Handschiegel, founder of StyleDiary (sold for a tidy sum to StyleHive in 2007).

Being in the room was like finding my long-lost tribe - and I realized that perhaps none of us are the kind of leaders that I assumed existed.

None of them were perfect.

None of them found success easily.

All of them were scared - even terrified - at one point.

All of them had faced and had to overcome their own What If’s.

Some quotes from the session (thanks to Ann Corriston!)

Sometimes what holds us back is not the glass ceiling but the sticky floor. (My new favorite quote!)

Success is about persistence. Keep fighting your way through. Figure out how to keep going no matter what.

Your recovery strategy is what’s important; avoiding mistakes is not.

Combine believing in what you’re doing with riding through the absolute fear.

Entrepreneurship is like a soccer game – sometimes you’re running, sometimes you’re kicking, sometimes you’re sitting on the bench.

Failure is in the eye of the beholder. You’re in charge of how you’re going to view what’s happened.

And I added:

Inner challenges are the hardest to overcome. You shouldn’t ask, “Who am I to do this?” but rather, “Who am I not to do this?”

A great entrepreneur is someone who can live in chaos and uncertainty. Entrepreneurs say, “I think there’s a better way.”

Most of all, what I got out of this session was the realization that it doesn’t matter if you aren’t born and bred to be a leader. In fact, most people aren’t.

What does matter is how much you are willing to face your fears to do what you are put on this earth to do.

Thank you Susan, Patricia, Li, Gwen, Susan, Tara, Laura & Laurie, Micah, Catherine, Barbara, Kira,  Corinna, and everyone else in that wonderful room full of fuel for the entrepreneur’s soul.

Just by continuing to show up, you have inspired me.