Does Working from Home Get You Out of Daycare Costs?
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I’m ready to come clean. I’ve been feeling guilty for quite a while, but I’m ready to tell the world.
I work from home. And I am a mom. But I am not a work-from-home-mom. My son goes to daycare while I work.
There. I said it.
In this world of accessibility, a trend has developed of mothers working from home so that they can spend time with their children. It may work for some, but not for me. My son is two, which means that he is the center of his world, and doesn’t let me get anything done if he is at home with me. It’s hard to run a marketing firm when Elmo and Dora are my biggest (non-paying) clients.
So I send him to school. We’re both happier for it. He’s learning three languages and developing social skills I couldn’t provide him, and I am able to focus 100% on growing my business. The perk comes when I am able to quit work at 3 and pick him up for a fun afternoon, or attend his school parties. I don’t have to ask off work when he has unidentified bumps all over his body for a week.
But I don’t keep him at home, which is a common misconception to people I meet. When I say I run a marketing firm out of my home, the inevitable response is, “Oh, that’s great! So you get to stay home with your son?â€
And this question has made me feel guilty every time. Until now. I am certain there are other mothers out there, for whom being a parent and running a business are mutually exclusive. It’s time to be proud of your situation and stop cowering from mothers who choose to work and keep their children at home. Your situation is unique, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. If you are able to devote all of your energy to one project at a time, everyone will be happier.
Find the situation that works for you. If you have an infant, you will probably find it easier to get work done, as they tend to be in immobile mode most of the time. If you have a toddler as I do, don’t feel guilty if you send them off to school. They will learn more than you can teach them there, and you can make your schedule fit around their activities so that you can be more involved.
My situation works for me, and yours should work for you. Be at peace with the decision you make, and know that your child is happy too.
Author Susan Payton is a Managing Partner of Egg Marketing and Public Relations, and also is the author of the book 101 Entrepreneur Tips
Sparkplugging Founder Wendy Piersall is dang passionate about helping people start & grow a business while maintaining life balance (somehow). 
Dawud Miracle has one focus: to help you get it. The it? How your website, and blog, can change the way you do business. You can find out more at 
Teresa Morrow manages online book publicity and event promotion for authors, speakers and writers with her company 
Hey Susan - I am so glad to read your entry today
not that I am in a similar situation, but it is refreshing to see, read and hear about people’s struggles and their positive attitudes.. there is nothing more important to you at this time than to provide him with the care he needs, whichever way he gets it AND grow yourself.. best of both worlds 
so kudos to you…
that’s really great! if I was at a point financially where I could do the same, I would… you are absolutely right that it makes for a much happier fmaily this way! My kids at home are 3 and 1, and it’s really challenging. thanks for writing about this
Sounds like the perfect situation to me. There really are great benefits for toddlers who have time away from their mommies. (For one, it makes the first day of kindergarten easier for both of you.) And there is still plenty of one-on-one time in the day for the two of you.
I’ll chime in and add that when my first two kids were little, both of them went to a sitter or preschool from the time they were just a few months old - at least part time.
My third child used to go to Montessori and LOVED it so much that she frequently let me know she would rather be there than with me while I worked at home (and could I blame her?!
).
Now she’s used to being home with me, but she’s grown very shy around other kids. I can’t wait until this fall when she can be ‘herself’ again once she’s in kindergarten!
Susan - thanks for reminding us that one-solution does not fit all! I have done a combination approach through out the years depending on the ages of my kids and the time of the year. You have to go with what works for you, your child and your finances.
Like Wendy, I am eagerly awaiting this fall when my youngest goes to Kindergarten. As of tomorrow, I am no longer the parent of a preschooler as all my kids will be considered “school age”.
I think you just saved me from wasting precious energy feeling guilty. i am currently laid off and working to restructure my life and career. We have the kids in daycare to ’save their places’ but I’ve been thinking that at some point I’ll need to pull them out if I do nto get called back to my ‘real job’. Now my gut has been telling me that I need those days even if I’m not back to my ‘real job’ because I’ll have created some new exciting career for myself. The cost is a bite but its almost easier to keep paying and adjust our budget.
me = jealous. I often dream of daycare so I can get things DONE.
Sigh. Preschool, two years away.
Susan, I was in your situation ten years ago and felt HORRIBLE sending my daughter to daycare when I was actually at home. But I found, that no matter how many distractions I created for her, her attention span would not let me focus on project work and she was always just more interested in being with me than in playing by herself. She went to half-day daycare, and then half-day afternoon kindergarten, which at least gave me predictable blocks of time to get my work done. Do what works for you, and do not feel guilty about it! ~ Janet
Wow! My husband just sent me this link and it certainly hits home. I have a home-based business I am trying to grow. My 3 yo goes to Montessori 3 days per week and my 2 yo daycare for 2 days. I can’t seem to put my youngest in daycare more than 2 days per week without these horrible, gut wrenching, feelings of guilt! But… I’m going crazy trying to run my business during his naps. And boy, do I get grumpy when he doesn’t take a 3 hour nap, because that’s it, my workday is over. Unless it continues after 9:00 pm.
I’ve even lied about how much my kids go to daycare. Why do I do that? Is it because I really don’t NEED to grow my business? I just WANT to so that makes me selfish? I could stay home full time and drop my business and daycare all together and we’d be fine financially but I’m sure I’d go insane.
Anyway, thanks for the great post. I will re-read it for a few days and maybe I’ll get that toddler in for a third day of daycare. I did take a one step in the right direction… I hired a housekeeper to come every other week! Hurray for me!
I completely support both moms working at home and the use of daycare in that situation. I telecommute and all summer, my daughter will go to day camp. It’s better for her; better for me. There’s no use pretending I can be as focused when my kids are at home, or that I’m going to pay attention to them while I’m trying to get work done. There’s time for both; just not at the same time.
Hello,
i am not an ‘emom at home’ (because i am male and have a regular work at an office), but i had lots of conversations with moms about daycare (including my wife).
My kids are 2 and 5 years old. They are both visiting a Kindergarten for kids aged 1 to 6 years (in Germany school starts when you are 6). They both started as soon as they were able to walk (1 1/2 year old). The 2 year old is in the kindergarten from 08:00 am until 1:00 pm, my 5 year old daughter comes home at 5:00 pm. The kindergarten has 2 groups with 18 kids each and 7 professional kindergarten workers.
We and our kids absolutely love that concept. My 2 year old son had been ill the last week. As soon as he felt a little bit better, he gave us hell, because we would not let him go to the kindergarten for two more days (just to be sure he is really O.K.).
You do not have to feel guilty because you are not “caring” for your child. That is b*&%s#%&. In the kindergarten, there is always a friend to play with, there is always someone to hug you (even if it is an older child), the kindergarten workers are never distracted with something more important, because this is their job. And at the end of the day, you are happy because you got your work done, the kids are happy because they had a great day, and both of you have still enough time to do something together before it is time to go to bed. And don’t forget the weekends!
Sometimes my kids have the urge to not go to kindergarten and stay at home instead. We both have to posibillity to do our work at home in these rare situations. Let me tell you, this never lasts more than two days!
We have friends where the mom stays at home, ‘only’ taking care of her kids, and we have friends where the mom has a job and the kids are in kindergarten. The only difference between the kids of both groups is, that the kindergarten kids have a lot more social competence and more friends to spend their time with.
And then there is a last advantage, especially for us men: our kids are not as ‘momy centric’ as are the kids that spend 100% of their time with their mother. They do not have the reflex to run into momy’s arms if they got hurt, daddy is also O.K..
What is the bottom line? Do something for your self-esteem, for your soul, for your intellect. A good daycare is something your kid will profit from. And your partner - if he/she is not a complete idiot - will love it if you have something to talk about that has nothing to do with diapers, cooking, baking and the next little pink princess party you have to organize.
Shame on you, Susan!!!
Great read.
I am a young women joining the fulltime workforce and it always seems a little daunting to think of family and career as coexisting. Its wonderful to hear about strong business women who aree sucessful at both lifestyles.
I liked the last two sentences best:
“My situation works for me, and yours should work for you. Be at peace with the decision you make, and know that your child is happy too.”
It would be nice if others didn’t make us feel ashamed of our decisions.
Stay at home moms that keep their children at home, have the same problem in reverse. They get to hear, “Don’t you feel like your wasting your life, staying home with your kids when you could be doing xyz”…
I get away without using daycare as such, but my inlaws do help out by taking the kids overnight once a week. Those are wonderful, productive days.
Other days I get by without any sort of childcare help. One of my favorite tactics is to have one of my daughter’s friends over. Amazingly enough, the extra child can leave me with less work to deal with. They just have too much fun playing together to care what I’m doing. Little extra work when they need something, but on the whole I get a lot more at those times.
Great post! I wish we moms didn’t do guilt so well. It is just silly.
Thanks, Steffan for a dad’s point of view. Very well written and heartfelt comment.
I used to have a brick-and-mortar business, and my daughter came to work with me every day. As an infant, it worked great. Then she got mobile. It was stressful beyond belief. I was also a single parent.
I tried babysitters, babysitters at work… then I found freelance work to do from home. I played time zones, worked for a British company 5 hours ahead of me, and a company in California three hours behind me. This way I could work at night when she slept, in the early morning… I was so tired, it was insane.
Then I started her in preschool, and felt guilty beyond belief. I still worked from home. But preschool was fun, she was engaged, she was busy doing her thing. When she was at home and I had to work, she was bored and felt ignored.
My daughter is seven now, and I still work from home. I pick her up for lunch and after school each day, and sometimes I still have work to do, and she has to entertain herself. But I can also go on class field trips, I’m home if she’s sick, etc.
Going to preschool and then school was the best thing for both of us, and far better than her being at home while I struggled to get work done and keep her amused, not doing either very well.
Don’t feel guilty in the least!
This is very interesting! Thank you…for writing this. I’ve had very similar concerns/guilt/peace–I am more productive when I have help with my 1 and 3 year olds!
I’ve done it two ways: I’ve hired a mother’s helper to come into my home for the past 3 years but the most recent girl didn’t work out so I tried a local daycare that does “drop off” babysitting/preschool. I really like the girls who run it and they are professional and my girls nap well there and play well there…but if I have a choice, I do prefer my kids to be with me with a mother’s helper. I like it when I can hear them playing (even with someone else) and I like it when I don’t have to say goodbye/hello. I am more productive when my mother’s helper was at my house and part of her job was to also do light cleaning so my house looked great. But, even if I hire another mother’s helper soon, I’ll keep using the drop off daycare center because it’s perfect for a lunch mtg. etc. when I can’t rely on family or a friend.
I honestly wish I could afford daycare for my son. I’d like to think I’d get more done plus he’d learn how to get along with other kids and stop being so mean. Maybe someday though.
Susan, I was in the exact same position as you with my two oldest. I started my legal practice at home a year after my second child was born. My son went to Montessori and my daughter to a friend who did day care. Then when my daughter turned 18 months, she joined her brother at the Montessori too.
It always did amaze me how many people assumed that because I was working from home, I had my kids with me.
You’ll be glad to know that my two oldest children are now teenagers, and they are absolutely wonderful children. Parenting them has been a dream, and they have always told me, on a regular basis, that they love that I work from home.
I also have a preschooler now, and while my husband and I intend to homeschool him, we’ve been sending him to nursery school for the past few years for a few mornings a week. The only reason this arrangement is compatible with my working at home is because my husband teaches at night, so he’s home during the day, too. It’s different when there’s someone else around to share in the childcare with you.
Having done it both ways, I definitely have to say that what works for you is really the best. I was a far less stressed person with my two older ones because I didn’t worry as much about juggling work and having them around (especially when talking with clients). And I’m happy with my current arrangement too!
Belle
Thank you all for your support! Wow! We really pop out of the woodwork, don’t we? It should make everyone feel great to know that you are not alone in being torn between being a parent and working/running a business. We’re only human.
My husband has been trying to get me to hire a mother´s helper since the birth of my second son two weeks ago. I feel so guilty if I am not the one looking after my kids, but really, it is impossible to get any work done with a toddler and a newborn in the house!
I admire your courage for getting things done and hope that I will overcome my guilt at some point and manage to work out a solution for both my kids and my work.
Wow! I loved reading how everyone is finding what works for them.
When my granddaughters were younger, both their parents worked everyday and I worked out of my home. I had the girls all day until they were old enough to go to daycare. Then I picked them up afterwards and kept them until their parents were off work.
I was able to do my online ebiz, as well as my brick and mortar company in between their naps and needs.
It is wonderful that women today have the options, that our parents and grandparents did not have. We’ve come a long way!
I’m so glad I opened this in my reader
I also send my young kids to a childminder because there is I can’t work productively and have them home. I cringe with shame when I read about saintly mums working from home so they can BE with their kids…because I just couldn’t do that.
“It’s time to be proud of your situation”
Others’ reactions make me feel guilty for working at home in the first place (e.g. “well some of us HAVE to go to work!”) and then when you don’t even have your kids WITH you…double whammy of guilt. So much so, I’m starting to want to hide what I do, when I should be proud.
For me, working at home is about complete flexibility and reduced stress…which benefits both me and my kids.
Thank You!
I for one can not wait until September. My daughter is going to Kindergarten and I’m putting my one year old in a mother’s day out preschool for 10 hours a week. Ahhh, 10 hours of working without interuption. No doubt I will be able to write a book and mucho grow my blogs on how to empower women http://www.blogfabulous.com and girls http://www.sosiouxme.com .