I also send my young kids to a childminder because there is I can’t work productively and have them home. I cringe with shame when I read about saintly mums working from home so they can BE with their kids…because I just couldn’t do that.

“It’s time to be proud of your situation”

Others’ reactions make me feel guilty for working at home in the first place (e.g. “well some of us HAVE to go to work!”) and then when you don’t even have your kids WITH you…double whammy of guilt. So much so, I’m starting to want to hide what I do, when I should be proud.

For me, working at home is about complete flexibility and reduced stress…which benefits both me and my kids.

Thank You!

When my granddaughters were younger, both their parents worked everyday and I worked out of my home. I had the girls all day until they were old enough to go to daycare. Then I picked them up afterwards and kept them until their parents were off work.

I was able to do my online ebiz, as well as my brick and mortar company in between their naps and needs.

It is wonderful that women today have the options, that our parents and grandparents did not have. We’ve come a long way!

I admire your courage for getting things done and hope that I will overcome my guilt at some point and manage to work out a solution for both my kids and my work.

It always did amaze me how many people assumed that because I was working from home, I had my kids with me.

You’ll be glad to know that my two oldest children are now teenagers, and they are absolutely wonderful children. Parenting them has been a dream, and they have always told me, on a regular basis, that they love that I work from home.

I also have a preschooler now, and while my husband and I intend to homeschool him, we’ve been sending him to nursery school for the past few years for a few mornings a week. The only reason this arrangement is compatible with my working at home is because my husband teaches at night, so he’s home during the day, too. It’s different when there’s someone else around to share in the childcare with you.

Having done it both ways, I definitely have to say that what works for you is really the best. I was a far less stressed person with my two older ones because I didn’t worry as much about juggling work and having them around (especially when talking with clients). And I’m happy with my current arrangement too!

Belle

I’ve done it two ways: I’ve hired a mother’s helper to come into my home for the past 3 years but the most recent girl didn’t work out so I tried a local daycare that does “drop off” babysitting/preschool. I really like the girls who run it and they are professional and my girls nap well there and play well there…but if I have a choice, I do prefer my kids to be with me with a mother’s helper. I like it when I can hear them playing (even with someone else) and I like it when I don’t have to say goodbye/hello. I am more productive when my mother’s helper was at my house and part of her job was to also do light cleaning so my house looked great. But, even if I hire another mother’s helper soon, I’ll keep using the drop off daycare center because it’s perfect for a lunch mtg. etc. when I can’t rely on family or a friend.

I tried babysitters, babysitters at work… then I found freelance work to do from home. I played time zones, worked for a British company 5 hours ahead of me, and a company in California three hours behind me. This way I could work at night when she slept, in the early morning… I was so tired, it was insane.

Then I started her in preschool, and felt guilty beyond belief. I still worked from home. But preschool was fun, she was engaged, she was busy doing her thing. When she was at home and I had to work, she was bored and felt ignored.

My daughter is seven now, and I still work from home. I pick her up for lunch and after school each day, and sometimes I still have work to do, and she has to entertain herself. But I can also go on class field trips, I’m home if she’s sick, etc.

Going to preschool and then school was the best thing for both of us, and far better than her being at home while I struggled to get work done and keep her amused, not doing either very well.

Don’t feel guilty in the least!

Thanks, Steffan for a dad’s point of view. Very well written and heartfelt comment.

Other days I get by without any sort of childcare help. One of my favorite tactics is to have one of my daughter’s friends over. Amazingly enough, the extra child can leave me with less work to deal with. They just have too much fun playing together to care what I’m doing. Little extra work when they need something, but on the whole I get a lot more at those times.

“My situation works for me, and yours should work for you. Be at peace with the decision you make, and know that your child is happy too.”

It would be nice if others didn’t make us feel ashamed of our decisions.

Stay at home moms that keep their children at home, have the same problem in reverse. They get to hear, “Don’t you feel like your wasting your life, staying home with your kids when you could be doing xyz”…

i am not an ‘emom at home’ (because i am male and have a regular work at an office), but i had lots of conversations with moms about daycare (including my wife).

My kids are 2 and 5 years old. They are both visiting a Kindergarten for kids aged 1 to 6 years (in Germany school starts when you are 6). They both started as soon as they were able to walk (1 1/2 year old). The 2 year old is in the kindergarten from 08:00 am until 1:00 pm, my 5 year old daughter comes home at 5:00 pm. The kindergarten has 2 groups with 18 kids each and 7 professional kindergarten workers.

We and our kids absolutely love that concept. My 2 year old son had been ill the last week. As soon as he felt a little bit better, he gave us hell, because we would not let him go to the kindergarten for two more days (just to be sure he is really O.K.).

You do not have to feel guilty because you are not “caring” for your child. That is b*&%s#%&. In the kindergarten, there is always a friend to play with, there is always someone to hug you (even if it is an older child), the kindergarten workers are never distracted with something more important, because this is their job. And at the end of the day, you are happy because you got your work done, the kids are happy because they had a great day, and both of you have still enough time to do something together before it is time to go to bed. And don’t forget the weekends!

Sometimes my kids have the urge to not go to kindergarten and stay at home instead. We both have to posibillity to do our work at home in these rare situations. Let me tell you, this never lasts more than two days!

We have friends where the mom stays at home, ‘only’ taking care of her kids, and we have friends where the mom has a job and the kids are in kindergarten. The only difference between the kids of both groups is, that the kindergarten kids have a lot more social competence and more friends to spend their time with.

And then there is a last advantage, especially for us men: our kids are not as ‘momy centric’ as are the kids that spend 100% of their time with their mother. They do not have the reflex to run into momy’s arms if they got hurt, daddy is also O.K..

What is the bottom line? Do something for your self-esteem, for your soul, for your intellect. A good daycare is something your kid will profit from. And your partner – if he/she is not a complete idiot – will love it if you have something to talk about that has nothing to do with diapers, cooking, baking and the next little pink princess party you have to organize.

I’ve even lied about how much my kids go to daycare. Why do I do that? Is it because I really don’t NEED to grow my business? I just WANT to so that makes me selfish? I could stay home full time and drop my business and daycare all together and we’d be fine financially but I’m sure I’d go insane.

Anyway, thanks for the great post. I will re-read it for a few days and maybe I’ll get that toddler in for a third day of daycare. I did take a one step in the right direction… I hired a housekeeper to come every other week! Hurray for me!