The Business Boxing Match :: Success vs. Failure

The first post in this series:
The Business Boxing Match :: Success vs. Failure

The second post in this series:
Fight the Inner Battle :: Sneaky Tools to Win

The third post in this series:
Go to the Mattresses :: Overcoming Obstacles vs. Untapped Potential

The fourth post in this series:
Claim the Victory :: Embrace your Success

This upcoming weekend I am gearing up to be a trainer at the sales seminar that saved my life. I’m super-duper excited. In honor of this, and the critical material we cover in the live event, I’m going to do a series of posts this week on Values Conflicts.

Huh? Values conflicts? Yes - they are the single biggest destroyer of small business. Values conflicts are responsible for creating the obstacles we must overcome to succeed. Allow me to explain:

We all have good values we hold in high esteem. For most of my readers, I can guess at several of them: Family time. Success. Love. Growth. Connection. Comfort. Freedom. Achievement.
We also have values that we would do just about anything to avoid. Rejection. Fear. Anger. Frustration. Humiliation. Self Doubt. Unworthiness. Lack of Control. Guilt. I’ll call these avoidance values.

Values conflicts arise when we percieive a risk of feeling one of our avoidance values in order to move towards one of our good values. Here’s the important part - we may not even be conscious of the perceived risk. Allow me to give you an example:

I had a friend that was preparing herself to be a Small Business Coach. She found an opportunity to be mentored by someone with extensive credentials, and who also offered to help her build her coaching business. She is the kind of person that would be an extraordinary coach - focused, experienced, well-read, and very influential and admired in her local community.

But she hated to sell.

In fact, it wasn’t just a hatred - it was a downright replusion of the whole idea. Mention sales to her, and she could only think of a used car salesperson with a hard-close rehearsed and at the ready.
Not surprisingly, her coaching practice wasn’t doing very well. As a business owner, whenever she had an opportunity to ‘pitch’ her business, she said the right things, but her voice was timid. And her body language was completely incongruent with the words coming out of her mouth. She would state that she is a great coach that got results. But she sounded like she was a timid mouse, and she would even physically recoil as she spoke.

My friend had values of success, contribution, and hard work. She was enthusiastic and likable. She also had a ton of guts, determination, and a willingness to go the distance to make her business a success. Not to mention talent - loads of talent.

But she had one teensy weensy avoidance value - rejection.

There is one rule that I want you to remember when it comes to values. So important I’m going to shout it out in all caps and bold letters:

WE WILL ALWAYS DO MORE TO AVOID PAIN
THAN WE WILL TO ATTAIN PLEASURE.

My friend had all of the right ingredients for success - she already posessed everything she needed to make it BIG as a coach. But because she had to risk rejection in order to grow her business, she consistently acted in ways that did NOT support her business, sabotaging her own success. Every week she took one step forward and two steps back. And she was suffering emotionally, financially and even physically because of it.

~

This is just one example of how an avoidance value can destroy a business. If you can see even a little bit of yourself in this picture, if you hear a little whisper of recognition, then return all week for some daily insights and even some action items into managing values conflicts :: for your self and for your business.

As momtrepreneurs, solopreneurs, and even dadtrepreneurs, working at home usually means that we don’t have someone else to hold us accountable for our decisions and actions. Because of this, we don’t have someone who can objectively review our business actions and call us on our own bull$#it when we choose to act on an avoidance value instead of a good one.

Think it’s easy to spot in your business? Probably not. But here’s a start:
Action item for today :: List out your top 6 good values (the things you love to feel) and your top 6 avoidance values (the things you hate to feel).

The next post in this series is Fight the Inner Battle :: Sneaky Tools to Win