Working at Home and the Two-Foot Buffer Zone

Remember the Seinfeld episode when Jerry’s parents phone to announce their plans to move in with him?

Jerry: They’re not going back to Florida. They’re moving here.

George: What? Why?

Jerry: Because your parents are going down there. My buffer zone just went from twelve hundred miles down to two feet! You gotta do something.

George: Hey, I’m sorry, you had your buffer zone for many years. It’s my turn to live, baby. (Seinfeld, The Shower Head)

When I started working from home after 25 years in a corporate office, I quickly learned the value of an ample buffer zone.

One of my first freelance gigs was a series of press releases for a European software firm. I was thrilled to have the work, but it was a tough assignment. The software was complex, so there was lots and lots of research involved.

The day of my deadline rolls around, and I’m chomping at the bit. Luckily, my wife is out running errands with her friend Michelle, leaving me blissfully alone with my research notes, hot Genmaicha tea, and a blank Word document. I’m so excited - after all these years I’m actually a professional writer. I can almost see the finished press release now, and the congratulatory emails pouring in from the client.

A half hour later I’m still staring at a blank Word document. Can’t think of a headline. Can’t think of a lead. I’m staring at my notes and all of a sudden I see a thousand keyword phrases and I can only optimize for three. I brew more tea. Feed the cats. Take out the garbage. Return to my computer and play a game of Hearts.

And then as I smell the oaky, popcorn aroma of my Genmaicha tea, everything falls into place. I have the headline. I have the lead. The whole structure of the release is clear as a bell.

I’m typing the word, “The”, and my cell phone rings.

It’s my wife. “Honey,” she says. (I know I’m in trouble already. My wife never says “honey” unless it’s for a reason.) “Honey,” she says, “Can you come over to Michelle’s for a sec? We’re trying to move her TV.”

What can I say? From the office, with that nice buffer zone, I could have said a number of things. I don’t have time. I’m heading into a meeting. I’m wearing a tie. But from home, what can one say except, “I’ll be right over, dear.”

For the next 45 minutes the three of us muscle Michelle’s immense plasma TV from the living room through her ridiculously narrow front door and into her SUV. I’m sweaty, aggravated, and completely preoccupied with my press release. They say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Brad.” I flash a charming smile and get the hell out of there as fast as I can.

I rush back to my computer where the word “The” is still on the screen. But I can’t remember the rest of the headline. My brilliant lead - gone. Everything’s a blur, and the deadline is four hours away.

I brew more tea. Play Hearts. Wonder if CareerBuilder has any sweet job listings for a marketing executive. Finally understand why a king built a moat around his castle. It wasn’t to keep other people out, but to keep himself in. Those medieval guys knew the value of a buffer zone, that’s for sure.

Brad is a regular guest contributor to Sparkplug CEO and is an Humor Marketing expert. Here’s more samples of Brad’s business cartoons. You can email Brad about using cartoons in your business or call him at (630) 845-1778.