Discovering what it means to be a dad. Building Camelot
Twitter: @buildingcamelot

Helping men become better dads & husbands. The Nordquist Blog
Twitter: @akula

Brett is one of the most underrated Daddy bloggers on the planet.  Sincere and eloquent, he chronicles fatherhood in a way that few can. Dad Labs
Twitter: @dadlabs

Funny, irreverent, and always helpful.  Videos, podcasts, and blog articles about being a dad. Dadomatic
Twitter: @dadomaticblog

Another blog collective started by Chris Brogan. Busy Dad

The only guy I know who is more involved with BlogHer than most women. Frugal Dad
Twitter: @frugaldad

One of the most widely read dad blogs out there, he really knows financial matters. Dad Gone Mad
Twitter: @dadgonemad

A little big intimidating? To be sure.  Cares about his kids?  You bet. The Father Life
Twitter: @thefatherlife

A magazine containing a mix of original content and some of the best from different father related websites.  I should know, you might find some of my work there if you look hard enough! Rebel Dad

Stay at home dad expert, convention organizer, and all around good guy. Mommy Daddy Blog
Twitter: @mommydaddyblog

An eclectic mix of parenting advice, personal accounts, and reviews of interesting products.

Dadcentric
Twitter: @dadcentric

Cheeky, irreverent, and a little crass, Dadcentric tells it how it is with no fear. Digital Dad

Raise your hand if you’re a tech geek.  DigitalDad satisfies the need for gadgets in all of us. DC Urban Dad
Twitter: @dcurbandad

There is a need for more men in the world like this guy.  Good, solid men who care for their kids and share their thoughts and opinions. Dadthing
Twitter: @dadthing

Another great dad blog by another great dad! Daddy Brain
Twitter: @daddybrain11

Fathering advocate, radio host, and speaker. Evolution of Dad Project

An ongoing film project detailing how the role of Dads has changed in our modern society.  Donate to his project! D is for Dad
Twitter:@disfordad Fatherhood.org

The single most complete resource on the web, and an advocacy group for making sure kids grow up with involved fathers in the home.  You won’t find a lot of opinions on this site, but well researched information on social problems and how men can help. Dads.org

An advocacy group for Dads centered on Catholic principles.  Read articles, find local help, and listen to their radio show. Alltop Dads Page

Alltop is a brilliant website that aggregates the best the web has to offer all over the internet.  The dads section has real time updates from the top Dad blogs around the internet. HHS.gov

The US Government’s website promoting the health, social and economic benefits of having fathers fully engaged in their children’s lives. Fathers.com

The National Center for Fathering’s website.  They inspire & equip men to be better fathers & grandfathers.
]]> http://www.sparkplugging.com/the-man-page/24-great-sites-fathers/feed/ 12 http://www.sparkplugging.com/the-man-page/dont-let-work-stress-overwhelm-your-marriage/ http://www.sparkplugging.com/the-man-page/dont-let-work-stress-overwhelm-your-marriage/#comments Wed, 27 May 2009 01:45:17 +0000 Cory Huff http://www.sparkplugging.com/the-man-page/?p=787

When your job interferes with your marriage it causes all sorts of problems. You know what I’m talking about. Too much time at work, thinking and talking about work when you are at home, and getting upset over things at home because of work stress.

With entrepreneurs, this stress is even worse. The weight of your company is on your shoulders. Every decision counts, and you don’t get to quit at the end of the day and let other people make the important decisions. Do you work from home? If you do, good luck separating your personal and professional life. It’s even tougher. Your children walk into your office, your spouse asks if you can take a moment to discuss something just when you are getting some steam rolling on a project.

Here are a few things that I do that help me keep the work stress away from my marriage:

Prioritize.

When things go really wrong and you feel totally overwhelmed remember this: your marriage is more important. Honestly. When your priorities are in the right place that work stress that you were so worried about can just melt away. My wife (like most) is an amazing person and when I treat her well, she in turn helps me feel a lot better about myself. Every entrepreneur needs someone who supports and encourages them, and my wife is my biggest cheerleader. Because of that, I’m willing to put her first.

Exercise

I bike about 10 miles each way 3 – 5 days a week. Besides being a great form of exercise it gives me plenty of time to mentally prepare in the morning, and to cool down after a tough day. I can take all of my frustration out on the bike pedals.

Whatever form of exercise you like, it releases endorphins, and releases stress. This can only be a blessing for your marriage.

Bring the focus.

Much has been made of a woman’s ability to multitask. I really admire that. You know what, though? Guys are pretty good at focusing in on one thing. It’s a strength all to its own. It helps you win in business, turn it loose on your marriage. When you are home with your spouse give them your full attention and ignore the work stuff.

Plan dates.

Going along with focus, planning a date is a great way to get out of work mode. You know that when you leave work on date night that you’ll be doing something fun with someone you really like, and that shared activity allows you to leave the work worries behind.

Plan time with kids.

Just like your wife, your kids are more important than your job. I’m really passionate about organizations like The National Fatherhood Initiative because they teach people that having a father that is intellectually and emotionally engaged with his children is vital. No one ever laid on their deathbed wishing that they had spent more time at work.

Get perspective.

One thing that I like to do when I’m stressed is give a good friend a call. We might just talk for a minute, or we might go out for a drink and a kvetching session. Blowing off some steam with a friend is healthy, and if you trust their judgement you can also get some additional insight into your situation.

Remember: It’s just business.

A company needs all types in order to succeed, including the emotional firecrackers. If, like me, you’re one of those firecrackers, remember that even when it hurts it’s just a business decision. Don’t make important business decisions when you’re angry, and don’t take out your frustration and anger on coworkers – you’ll find yourself less stressed at home if you make decisions deliberately and with care.

What do you think? What do you do to keep your work stress from hurting your relationships? Let us know in the comments below.

Cory Huff (@aGoodHusband) is best known online for AgoodHusband.net. He also works for an internet marketing firm that specializes in Search Engine Marketing. Cory hopes to leverage the Sparkplugging internship to help performers and artists make money using the internet.

Alexa (left), Gabrielle (center top) Kirsten (right) Me in the middle!

OK, so in my first post I kind of introduced myself as a husband and a dad of three beautiful little girls trying to find a way to quit my full time job to pursue my dreams of running my own marketing business.

We’ll I’m announcing it here that I have officially left my job and I’m working full time on my business, Radical Marketing Solutions!

Now this was a long time coming for me.

Running my own business has always been a dream of mine and I’ve identified three very important principles that got me to the point where I could leave my J.O.B.

And I’ll be very honest with you, none of this would have happened had I not figured out and implemented these three rules.

So you ready?  Good, lets dive in shall we?

1. You must invest in yourself :  One of the first things I did when  I made the decision to start my own business was to find a course and coaching group for something I was interested in. In fact, the first thing I did was sign up to take a Real Estate Investing Course.  Now I don’t invest in real estate but it opened my eyes to the world of marketing and how to be a business owner.  I spent a lot of money on the course and while I never actually made one real estate deal, I did meet a ton of like minded folks who helped me along the way change my mental mindset from that of an employee to a business owner.  This one course propelled me into other marketing coaching groups, I bought products on how to write direct response copy and how to become a direct response marketer. I turned my car into a rolling library of success and money making education as I had every CD known to man in my car or burned to my ipod. I joined local entrepreneur groups and paid for one-on-one coaching.  It cracks me up how some folks have no problem dropping ten grand a year to get their bachelors degree or finish up their masters degree but will scoff at paying $250 for a course on how to build websites or how to write ads that sell.

2. Find a mentor : Success leave footprints. What do I mean by this?  Well there are countless amounts of people who have gone out on their own and started their own business from scratch. These people have already made the mistakes and figured out what it takes to run a strong business. So why not find some of these folks and either offer to take them out to lunch or offer to pay them for mentoring. I actually have three different mentors I’ve paid at some point to learn different skills from. Each mentor had their strengths and I leveraged each one of them to cut my learning curve tremendously. And here’s the thing, you can always make money but you can never get the hours back in a day.  So learning in a few weeks or months what it’s taken these folks years to learn is huge!

3. Take Action :  It’s not enough to invest in yourself through education and mentors and then sit on your duff. You have to take what you are learning and apply it to your business.  Look, you don’t have to jump right in, you can start small and start applying what you’ve learned and see what happens. The late great copywriter Gary Halbert said, “It’s motion not meditation that gets things done.”  This statement is so true…the trick is to start doing something and you’ll be surprised how fast things start taking off for you!

So there you have it, the three success principles I beleive has allowed me to leave my Full-time job to becoming my own boss.

Look, a lot of people say they would love to run their own business but how many people actually do it?  We’ll I’m one and these are the principles I used to reach my goals.

Now make no mistake about it, my job is not nearly done and now is when all the hard work takes place…getting up and running!

I also realize that not everyone reading this wants to start their own business but I believe these principles can help anyone who wants to improve their career, their marriage or their life!

Now get busy, Bill Parlaman

Our Wedding In Avalon, NJ

First off, I’m very happily married to a wonderful woman, Michelle.  Michelle and I just recently got married in a very private ceremony on the beach in Avalon, NJ this past September.

Michelle is my rock!  She is so supportive and my biggest cheerleader.  I know for a fact I would not be where I am in my life now if it were not for her.

I also have three beautiful little girls, Gabrielle, Kirsten and Alexa.

Kirsten is my step daughter as this is the second marriage for both Michelle and I. ( I’m sure you’re thinking…boy they work fast…they got married in September and now they have 3 kids…sheesh!)

Love This Picture of Our Girls...What A Great Day!

But we really have come together as a strong family and it was a pretty smooth transition blending our two families together.

Now in the middle of all this madness, I work a Full-time job and I’m building a business as a freelance web designer and marketing consultant.

So what I really want to write about and share with you are all of my trials and tribulations and hopefully “WINS” as I get my business ramped up.

You see, as a husband and a dad I just want to give my family the life they deserve.  I know my current situation is not going to allow me to give my family all the things I want them to have.

But I also think as a Dad and a husband, just making an extra $500 a month to take the family away on a long weekend or to take your wife or girlfriend away to reconnect is huge!

So if you have ever wanted to start your own business or just make a few extra dollars and really have some freedom in your life– you wont want to miss my posts!

But before we really dig in I will warn you…you need to come into this with an open mind and be willing to get rid of all that mental trash you might be carrying around with you. What do I mean by “mental trash.” Well you know, stuff like money is the root of all evil, rich people are mean and money doesn’t grow on trees.”

Got it?  Good…let’s keep going…

The fact is money gives you the freedom to live our lives to the fullest.

So, if you want to discover how to change your mental mindset and uncover some cleaver ways to make some money online ( or offline)  and maybe start your own business, than this will be a very exciting blog for you to read!

Now get busy,

Bill Parlaman

P.S. I wont just be writing about business and making money either…I am a huge sports fan and have a very sick sense of humor so if this sound like it’s something for you I encourage you to leave a comment.  I really want to know what’s going through your mind.  I really appreciate your feedback and maybe let me know what you would like to see me right about ok?  So dont be shy and make sure you send in your comments

While I agree with her, I do think there is some validity to having access to work. Is it possible that taking your work with you on vacation helps your work life balance?

Before you cast this idea off as rationale (an excuse) to stay connected to your Crackberry, as my wife likes to call it, give it some thought.

The last time that you took a vacation, what was waiting for you when you returned to the office?

If your work is anything like mine, you likely had a stack of issues on your desk that needed immediate attention. In an effort to dig your way out of the backlog of work, you end up working overtime – thus defeating the original intent of getting away for a vacation.

Wouldn’t it be better to spend 5 or 10 minutes of otherwise down time on your vacation dealing with some of those issues?

It sounds good to me.

Obviously, one needs to be careful as technology can hurt your work life balance just as easily as it can help. However, with proper moderation, you might find yourself returning from vacation knowing that there aren’t any fires waiting to be extinguished at the office.

So, while I plan to pack my laptop and Blackberry for my upcoming vacation, I will be limiting their usage such that it does not take away from our family time.

There will be no need to log in to write blog posts, as I am working on lining up guest authors. There will be no need to log in to moderate comments, as this time I am not running a contest during my vacation (I recommend avoiding that).

When the family has crashed for the night, I don’t see anything wrong with answering a few email messages. When the kids are riding Space Mountain for the 44th consecutive time and I am trying to hold down lunch, I don’t see anything wrong with returning a few phone calls.

What do you think – should you take work on vacation or let it pile up until you return?

With fuel prices reaching new highs, more and more people are striving to work from home and many claim they would even be willing to take a pay cut to telecommute.

But how much can you really save by telecommuting?

There are a variety of factors that will influence how much you can personally save by telecommuting but I thought it would be interesting to use my current situation as an example.

The first thing we need to do is look at how much it costs to commute each day. For now we will only be looking at the immediate costs of commuting such as fuel and tolls. Other costs to consider are the wear and tear on your vehicle, such as replacing tires and routine oil changes.

My cost to commute to work each day breaks down as follows:

• Distance: 130 mile round trip commute
• Fuel Economy: 31.5 miles per gallon
• Fuel Consumption: 4.13 gallons per day
• Fuel Cost: $4.23 per gallon (price paid this morning)
• Tolls: $2.50 per day (six tolls, thank you Illinois Tollway Authority)
• Total Cost: $19.97 per day

At a cost of $19.97 per day, commuting to work is not cheap and adds up quickly – $99.85 per week or $4992.50 per year assuming a 50-week working year.

In order to get a flavor for how much we can actually save by working from home, lets assume that we are able to telecommute only one day per week. Using our 50-week assumption, we can save $998.50 over the course of a year just by telecommuting once each week.

How much would that translate to if we saved that money?

After punching a few numbers into a financial calculator, we see that saving $998.50 per year could result in a nest egg of approximately $35,000 after 30 years assuming a somewhat conservative (historically) 6.00% savings rate.

Telecommute two days per week…$70,155 in savings!

Telecommute five days per week…$175,387 in savings!

When you bump the savings rate up to a slightly more aggressive 8.00% you would have over $215,000 in savings if you were to telecommute every day of the week. Add in the savings realized as a result of fewer oil changes and fewer tire purchases and you will soon be pushing $250,000 in savings.

That is a nice chunk of change!

At first glance, taking a pay cut in order to telecommute sounds like a silly idea and you might be wondering whether or not you can afford to take a pay cut.

After running the numbers, can you afford not to take a pay cut?

If you had asked me this question last year, my answer would have been a resounding “no”; today I would have to give it serious consideration. With the cost of gasoline continuing to rise, commuting to work is becoming more and more expensive.

With a 65-mile commute to my office, being able to work from home saves me not only time but also a considerable amount of money. However, my current position already has a great deal of flexibility – I am working from home twice this week – so it would be difficult to take a pay cut.

When you really examine the option to work from home, I have a hard time justifying the need to take a pay cut in order to take advantage. The reason for this is because when setup properly, telecommuting can benefit both the employee and the company.

As an employee, the list of benefits include things such as:

• Cost savings – fuel, parking, tolls, wear-and-tear
• Increased productivity
• Reduced stress

Employers stand to benefit as well, including:

• Increased employee satisfaction
• Increased productivity
• Cost savings – office space, supplies, etc.

If telecommuting were a one-sided affair, I could understand the necessity for a pay cut. However, with the assumption that the quality of work does not change by telecommuting, an employer requiring a pay cut for an employee to work from home is simply taking advantage of the situation.

As mentioned earlier, I already have the flexibility to work from home, as well as the luxury of a compressed work week, so my opinions may be slightly jaded. Therefore I am interested to hear what you think about this question.

Assuming that your job lent itself to telecommuting, would you take a pay cut to telecommute?

However, after reading a post from Gary Jones over at John Chow’s blog covering twitter 101, I was compelled to sign up and am now proud to be a twit.

The purpose of this post is not to explain why you need to sign up for twitter if you haven’t already – trust me, you do – or how much fun it can be – trust me, it is – but rather to try and assemble an ultimate list of dads and husbands that are twits.

Here is a list of outstanding dads/husbands that you can find and follow on twitter.

Ultimate List of Twitter Dads & Husbands

• dereksemmler
• BuildingCamelot
• rileycentral
• SepiaBand
• aimclear
• shoemoney
• derrich
• problogger
• chrisgarrett
• byosko
• Scobleizer
• bluefur
• JohnChowDotCom
• guykawasaki
• copyblogger
• Frauenfelder
• mommydaddyblog
• AGoodHusband
• Xbox4NappyRash
• Akula
• TimFerriss
• jnbammer
• sagar13d
• khylek
• fuadar
• deguia
• theratingblog
• noahdavidsimon
• rcyork
• lasthome
• RuudHein
• cc_chapman
• EdRoberts
• mfleig
• mdoeff
• gnomedad
• scrabbler99
• smashingred
• jaywop
• dedmond29
• Devon_O_in_CO
• technosailor
• radix33
• papamike
• CPeterC
• bpolensky
• sitelogic
• nowsourcing
• waugaman
• msh2006
• rtkmusic
• abbysbooth
• liveonmars
• nlbctim
• Jinfinite8
• busydad
• rudecactus
• annoyingboring
• gunfighter
• zoesdad
• joeprah
• mitchmcdad
• stshores24
• mattpetty
• GrantGriffiths
• struglas
• jasonrothlv
• mrbigdubya
• LOD
• chiatt
• augnix
• jchenard
• Corruptor
• DadGoneMad
• sac_
• sceptre95
• jhcuatro
• tvsmike
• benandwyattsdad
• dvs
• arriflex
• shap
• djwanson
• jspiewak
• teebery
• brianifoster
• beelerspace
• greenergrad
• RaggedEdge
• jimbrayton
• joshglid
• RsGunther
• CyberCerberus
• roadhacker
• MrVersatal
• BrooklynBeast
• Ramshackle
• ceatSOFT
• ovpaul
• twazi
• neilalbrock
• keebo
• kobak
• edchapel
• tjstankus
• DStoneburner
• chriseppstein
• chrismorgan
• m_2
• mkarol
• fiorelli
• Zencore
• jkersley
• dmooreintersect
• sampsa
• niczak
• crimsonl
• stevenbristol
• jimiray
• thinkreferrals
• christophergray
• DaddysToolbox
• waynesutton
• shermanhu
• bikegeek
• motherbumper
• 19thHole
• menwithpens
• livecrunch
• eMarv
• SeanHannigan
• kevinthoule
• billpennington
• dwescott1
• wbaustin
• nlbctim
• smc2911
• gcoates
• e_man
• RoyMontero
• swoodruff
• claynewton
• lloydgomez
• minmax2k
• betshopboy
• RyanEs
• fitzwillie
• velociped
• savvydaddy
• MikeRalph
• simplyChuck
• DarinRMcClure
• tszcheetah
• childsplayx2
• hoopadoo
• Bobzilla
• nevali
• markbaillie
• bruncleubba
• maxgladwell
• superk696
• chriswebb
• PacketRat
• martyj
• andycaster
• TheFitB
• shellen
• cechastain
• wingbuilder
• leroykmay
• thatrobguy
• TaxMan45
• DavidWise
• davidbullock
• chrisbrogan
• doughenderson
• ChrisBatDell
• aeroG
• Homeschooling
• ThirdHyphen
• shawnjooste
• justinhartman
• stii
• marioOlckers
• bradshorr
• edstoffel
• flanimation
• Zeitnehmer
• matthewSBOC
• DaveTaylor
• FilmBuzz
• PopDaddy
• knightsicre
• TheMadHermit
• PecanCtMichael
• yafd
• unscripteddad
• Steve_Adams
• BuckDaddy
• jimbo10
• _tomsk
• rbucich
• colepierce
• rywhee
• DaddyJoe
• menRsmart
• iGoByDoc
• DerekMarkham
• SeanDaily
• CraftyDad
• thezendad
• TwinToddlersDad
• jt_topics
• solargroupies
• tomkimmerer
• croncast
• Bullhunter
• TheBusyBrain
• CCSeed
• marlonbroussard
• tonyfarley
• JBMovies
• campingblogger
• randog
• steveouch
• writerdad
• 3rblogging
• SaintJer
• joegerstandt
• easton
• johnmorgan
• idibs
• Paisano
• aaronmccall
• jefftippett
• GregKnottLeMond
• iaindodsworth
• zen_habits
• TheDigitalLife
• stephenkruiser
• ZachInPhilly
• PaulsHealthBlog
• tombeardshaw
• aeioux
• dad_info
• odadeo
• louisgray
• hightechdad
• TheFatherLife
• daddyclay
• daddybrad
• thedadjam
• dadcentric
• BackpackingDad
• geekycyberdad
• MrBabyMan
• divorceddadwkly
• gadgetvirtuoso
• orlund
• adadslife
• joedawson
• jamesatbabyspot
• ladaddy
• LookyDaddy
• SoulShiner
• 5646569
• johnfairley
• FitAndBusyDad
• jasoncrouch
• JasonFalls
• mikevmusic
• JiMpiSh
• MathewButka

This will be a living list as I continue to search through twitter looking for the men that I know are dads, but if you’re a dad/husband not on the list above please leave a comment below or send me a tweet “@dereksemmler add me to the club” and you will be added to the list.

One of the goals for this blog is to promote the role of fathers and the importance of finding a balance between the demands of your career and the needs of your family.

As more and more dads invade the Interweb, I’d love to see this list of dads and husbands on twitter become a resource to help you connect with like-minded people and become a better man, husband, and/or dad.

Have you ever told the boss no?

When your boss calls you with a request to work a late night or come into the office over the weekend, many times you will clear your schedule in order to accommodate the needs of your boss and company.

Do you consider the true cost of such a decision?

Often times the reason that we accept these assignments from our boss is due to the fear of losing our job or being seen in a negative light by our superiors. Fear of losing your job is a very real thing, unfortunately it is not the motivational force that will propel you to success.

At the end of the day, most of us are working in order to provide a comfortable and secure living for our families. Think about that for a minute…

We’re working to provide for our families, yet we cast them aside at a moments notice to please our boss.

A few months back, I shared with you the idea that you can say no at work. Now that doesn’t mean that you should refuse every request at work – particularly from your boss. However, you cannot be a doormat either and always drop your life in favor of work.

As the article from The Juggle mentions, one solution is to agree to the extra work but to revise the schedule such that it doesn’t have a negative impact on your family time.

When I was working at a Dot Com startup company years ago, we were in a mad push to get our product completed and ready for the launch. After devoting many long nights – the kind where you head home just to grab a shower and come right back – to the company, we had a meeting where the CTO demanded that everyone come in over the weekend.

In what I thought was a rather tasteless maneuver, he then proceeded to go around the room asking each person to guarantee that they would be present at a specific time.

When he got to me, I told him that I could not guarantee that I would be present at the specified time as I had prior commitments with my family but that I could come in to complete my work. At this point he questioned me and indicated that I was not committed to the success of the company. Obviously I had a very different opinion.

It should come as no surprise that this startup fell apart with the burst of the Dot Com bubble.

Ever since that day, I have had a new appreciation for putting my family before my work – although there are times that my wife might dispute that with all of the work I do on these blogs.

I’m going to share a secret with you – telling my boss no has certainly not resulted in career suicide.

Jobs come and go but your family is there forever.

The next time that your boss asks you to share the time that is devoted to being with your family, give serious consideration to the potential disappointment and hurt that your family may feel if you were to miss something special and don’t be afraid to discuss the issue with your boss to see if there is a better solution.

Have you ever told your boss no? Did it impact your career?

In the event that you missed the recent discussion that Wendy started the other day, we here at eMoms are currently looking at a considerable change that involves the rebranding of eMoms in an effort to more accurately target our audience.

There is no doubt that a decision like that can leave you scared and excited all at the same time.

In addition to the changes that are on the horizon here within the eMoms family, I recently learned that the wind of change is blowing at my day job as well.

The company that I work for is a long standing joint venture between two companies, who have recently decided to end the joint venture with each parent company acquiring different components of the company where I work.

While we have been informed of how the restructuring will take place, there are no guarantees when it comes to company mergers and only time will tell how this plays out.

As I mentioned on my personal blog, during a time of change it is very important to leverage the power of networking and reach out to people that you know.

When Wendy decided to explore the idea of rebranding the site, she turned to the people in her network for feedback on her ideas. This ability to reach out to people that you know and trust is truly priceless; and the fact that they know that they can do the same is when the real power of networking is realized.

Throughout my career, I have had numerous instances where my professional network has opened the door of opportunity and for that I am truly grateful. Likewise, there have been occasions where I have been able to return the favor to someone in my network and that is a feeling that I cannot describe.

With the changes that are taking place in my professional life, I am reaching out to my network – as well as looking to expand the reach of that network through the people that I have met blogging – to explore the hidden opportunities that might exist.

Change is not easy and has an uncanny way of making the surest person have a ball of nerves sitting where their stomach once resided. When it is all said and done, you look back and realize that not only was the change necessary but those nerves were nothing more than the excitement of new possibilities.

The world is closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers
The future’s in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change

– Scorpions : Wind of Change

Self-promotion – or tooting your own horn – can feel a little strange.

Chances are that you were taught as a child that being humble about your accomplishments was the proper way to act.

Gloating about what you have done or how great you might be at something was a sure-fire way to turn people off and make you come across as full of yourself.

There is certainly a fine line between self-promotion and being pompous – but it is essential that you learn how to toot your own horn from time to time.

As I noted last week, there was a situation at work where I had done enough self-promotion with my direct boss but had fallen short on casting a wide enough net while sharing my accomplishments.

You might be tempted to believe that your hard work and dedication will not go unnoticed. While that is true to a certain extent, there is no sense in taking the risk that people are not aware of your achievements. This is something that I have been guilty of in my career as I prefer to keep my head down and get the work done – ahead of schedule and with the highest of quality. Once the job is done, it is nice to hear the praise that comes with a job well done but it has never been something that I have solicited by promoting my own work.

Not only will this approach put you at risk of people not being aware of your accomplishments, but you also run the risk of other people receiving – or taking – the credit for the work you have done.

When you dedicate yourself to a project and bring in great results while saving the company a considerable amount of money – will you be recognized for being the person to get the work done or will your boss be recognized for running a “tight ship” and getting the team to deliver?

Do you want to take that risk?

I don’t know about you but that is not a risk that I am willing to take any longer. There is more at stake than just the recognition for a job well done. It is feasible to say that you may be passed over for the next promotion or you might have to fight harder for a raise when people are not aware of what you have done. That has an immediate impact on your livelihood and your ability to provide for your family.

Now that we have an appreciation for the importance of self-promotion, I’d like to share a few things with you in an effort to toot my own horn a little bit.

Over the weekend, my personal blog passed the one-year milestone and I am proud of everything that has been accomplished in the first year with that blog.

To celebrate this blogging milestone, I am running a contest on my celebration post to give away one year of free web hosting courtesy of BlueFur.com to a lucky reader. My hope is that by providing someone with free hosting for one year that they will realize what is possible just by taking the first step to get started with their own website or blog.

The tooting doesn’t stop there – ok, that sounds kind of bad.

Earlier today I discovered that Dad Balance has been included in a list of the Top 100 Freelancer Blogs over at Bootstrapper. Dad Balance is included in the section on Freelancing & Parenting – which is quite an honor given the other quality blogs/sites listed in that category.

It is with all of your help that this has been possible and I appreciate the contributions that all of you make. Now…

Get out there and toot your own horn!

Photo credit: dave_apple

For many people living the life of the 9-5 office job, one of the common complaints is that their job is not overly enjoyable but it pays the bills and keeps a roof over their head.

But you know what? It can also suck the life right out of you.

My profession, or career if you want to call it that, is a programmer – Senior Software Engineer if you want to get technical. Day in and day out I sling code, until recently anyway.

Over the last few months I have been asked to take on a role as a technical manager on a project, and now as a more traditional project manager on another project. While this might be a logical step to continue moving up the rungs of the corporate ladder, I have been drained.

As I sit down at my computer each day, I feel like I am abusing my keyboard by using it to write project documentation instead of a totally cool (although possibly useless) application that makes people “ooh” and “aah” with amazement.

Until today.

With a need for a quick fix to a production issue, I dusted off the keyboard and hammered out a nice solution. While I admit it didn’t get too complex from a programming standpoint – a little batch file to hook into a shell script, execute a few Oracle queries, spool out to a file, and send via Blat mail – it certainly had my blood pumping again.

After rolling over in my chair and looking for the proverbial “after-programming” cigarette, I realized just how much I have missed writing code – which is something that I really love to do.

If you want to make your work as good as an orgasm, you need to really evaluate what it is that you love to do and what gives you that rush of excitement.

While you should not do anything drastic like quit your job to pursue your true love, you should begin to plan the steps that can lead you towards the work that will truly make you happy. There is a good possibility that the work you love might not pay the bills at first, if ever. Maybe you can begin to pursue your passion part-time, as I have been doing with my blogging and other online initiatives, until you are earning enough to make it your full-time passion.

The important thing is to start taking steps right now to change your life for the better.

As convenient as it might be to believe that the job you despise is necessary to provide for your family, life is too short to allow your job to deplete your motivation and enjoyment. Not only that but there is a good chance that a job lacking true enjoyment will carry into your family life and impact your relationship with your spouse and/or kids as well.

Don’t delay any further – start thinking about what it is that you truly love to do and then take action to make that a reality!

And the best part is that your spouse won’t even accuse you of cheating.

Today my wife transitioned from being a preschool teacher back to being a full-time SAHM.

As much as she enjoyed the time she spent with the children in all of her classes, the fact of the matter is that this job had become a source of great stress in her life and considering that we do not need the income (pay at this preschool took “low paid” to a whole new level) it was the right time to make a change.

With both of our kids now in school full-time, one may wonder why she needs to stay home. To be honest, I questioned that myself at one time. However, since my wife has been working I have a much fonder appreciation for everything that she used to take care of when she was at home and understand that being a SAHP can easily be a full-time job.

While my wife currently has visions of cleaning the house every day and participating more in our kids’ classrooms at their school, I’m hoping she will also return to one of her passions. Before my wife went back to work, she really enjoyed making hand-made bead jewelry but put that on the back burner when she began working.

Now that she will no longer have to spend countless hours preparing lesson plans, craft projects, and all of the other tasks that are often expected of teachers, there should be time to explore the possibility of pursuing her jewelry making again.

I’ll admit that I am being somewhat selfish in my desire for her to pursue her passion for jewelry, as it very well could result in me pursuing one of my passions.

One of my passions is web development (although more on the programming side than design) and I had originally secured a domain in the hopes of using it to feature her jewelry. When that was put on hold, BeadInsanity.com sat idle and eventually became the generic website it is today. With her making jewelry, there would be a need for the website to be developed as well as a few other projects that I have already thought about to help her with a few things.

The best part about this is that it could present an opportunity for the two of us to pursue our individual passions together and that is very appealing to me.

Photo source: Photo-Mojo

Damien Riley is a teacher, dad, and blogger based in Southern California.

His primary blog: PostCards from the Funny Farm includes articles on inspiration, teaching, psychology, and blogging. He plays guitar and recently got an REM album that is wearing out the CD player in his jeep.

Reaching your goal is a process. Along the way you learn what you are made of.

One example of a person who reached a phenomenal goal is Charles Schultz.

His life is a model for any person to follow. In presenting his life here, I break down the process of achieving your goal into 6 steps.

First: Decide on your goal.

Schultz decided in elementary school that he wanted to draw for a living. We think of Charlie Brown as something that always “was” but it wasn’t until an elementary school kid decided to make it so that it came to pass. We have power to influence what the fads and fashions of the day become. Schultz shows us in his success, which I will illustrate more in a bit, that the decision of what goal to set is the beginning of monster success.

Second: Decide if your goal is something you really can do.

In High School, Schultz submitted his cartoons to the yearbook and when it was printed he was shocked to find his work was not there. The editor told him there were too many submissions and there was no room for his. Schultz could have become discouraged at this point and gave up his dream as impossible, but he didn’t. I am so glad he persisted! Eventually his cartoons would become the #1 most sought after comics in the world. He decided to press on even more after that rejection. He decided his goal of making a living cartooning was something he really could do.

Third: Decide on the first thing you must do.

After the rejection from the yearbook, Schultz decided to pitch his art to some commercial names. He was hired by a St. Paul newspaper that published his comic Lil Folks once a week. He decided he must ask them to publish it every day and as a result they fired him. Every one of my heroes bios contains rejections like this. Schultz’ story shows us to pay no attention to success or failure at first. Instead, decide what you are going to do and follow through.

Fourth: Decide on the second thing you must do.

Schultz was not one to give up. He put his best cartoons together and mailed them to United Feature Syndicate in New York City. They decided to put his cartoons in eight newspapers across the country. That was in 1950. Here’s what was happening with Peanuts stats when he died a few years ago:

[Peanuts] reached readers in 75 countries, 2,600 papers and 21 languages every day, made Mr. Schulz very rich. The ”Peanuts” strips, merchandise and product endorsements brought in $1.1 billion a year. And Mr. Schulz was said to have earned about $30 million to $40 million annually. (New York Times)

Fifth: Start right away.

Schultz started early on in his 77 years of life to make his cartoons. When opportunity came, he was ready because he started right away.

Sixth: Keep telling yourself "I can do it."

I remember every Halloween watching the Great Pumpkin with Charlie Brown. It seems almost mythic, as if it always existed. The fact of the matter is that if Schultz did not believe in himself, I would have never experienced the joy of that show and countless comics I have read by him through the years. None of these six steps mean anything without this last one. Remember the value of believing in yourself.

I see connections here to my job as a dad, to blogging, to teaching, and anything which requires persistence. For me, these six steps are crucial for taking everyday visions and making them a reality the way Charles Schultz has done. Put him down as one of my heroes!

Which step do you think is the most important?

Photo credit: Wikipedia

The quote from Jobs, given at a Stanford University commencement address, gives the following perspective on how you know when you might need a change in your life:

I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

The other night I had the good fortune to hear another great quote that gave me some perspective on how to tell if you are in the wrong career.

While I was working on the computer into the wee hours of the night, I had the television on for a little white noise and it was showing the 2nd or 3rd repeat of that night’s episode of The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch.

For those that might not be familiar with the show, Donny Deutsch – who built a multi-billion dollar advertising and media business – interviews various men and women who have taken their big idea and turned it into millions or in some cases even billions. It really is a great show and can provide a great deal of inspiration for any entrepreneur.

So on this night, Donny Deutsch was talking to people that have made their fortune designing and/or creating pants. I’ll admit that I wasn’t paying very close attention but happened to hear Donny share this nugget of wisdom:

If Sunday night feels different than Friday night, you’re doing the wrong thing.

When I heard this statement I had to stop what I was doing and begin watching the show. This was pure genius, at least in my opinion, and unfortunately I could relate to what he was saying.

Think about it.

The time of the week that people typically dread the most is Sunday night. The weekend is coming to a close and the next morning brings a fresh week of work. I’ve had salt poured in the wound as well because Monday morning is garbage day in my neighborhood so I have to gather up the trash before calling it a night.

Why is going to work so dreadful?

If you love your work, you would assume that the prospect of beginning a new week of work would be just as fulfilling as the beginning to a new weekend. That sounds a little ridiculous to me – I mean, who really likes Monday mornings – but maybe that is because I am doing the wrong thing.

When you examine these statements from Steve Jobs and Donny Deutsch as they relate to your career, are you doing the right thing?

But what about when you get home?

I don’t travel for business too often but when I do, I always try to schedule it so I can take the day after I return home as a day off. With this trip I unfortunately had a meeting scheduled for the morning on the day after I returned.

To try and make up for the fact that I would have to go into work, I decided to get on an earlier flight so I would make it home before the kids went to bed for the night. Unfortunately, there was a mechanical issue with the airplane and bad weather that resulted in me getting home later than anticipated.

If I were to head into the office for my scheduled meeting, that would mean another full day before I had a chance to see my kids awake. Rather than do that, I contacted the participants of the meeting and asked them if they would prefer to reschedule the meeting or have me call in as I would not be in the office.

While the perception was that I had to physically be there for this meeting, the true reality is that calling in for the meeting was more than sufficient. I’ll admit that I am very lucky to have this flexibility at my job as I know this is not an option that everyone can enjoy.

But by working from home today, the day after my business trip, I was able to share breakfast with my kids and take them out to the bus before school. When the bus arrived home, I was there waiting for them. I had the time to sit down and help them with their homework and have a conversation about their day at school. Although I think the part they enjoyed the most was receiving the little gift that I brought them home.

So what is the lesson here?

When your work keeps you away from your family on a business trip, you should do whatever you can to schedule some time to be there and reconnect with your family once you return.

In many cases, you will spend the day after returning from a business trip simply catching up on emails and work that has been waiting for your attention. That is a perfect opportunity to have a quiet day working from home so you can share a few moments with your spouse and children.

Do you do anything special after a business trip?

Get an office outside the house if you do not have one already. That was really key for me.

Do you agree or disagree?

When trying to decide whether an office inside the home or outside the home is the best place to work, I am not so sure that there is a clear cut answer and it could be a situation where the grass is greener on the other side.

Many people that are not able to work from home likely long for the ability to work from a home office. Likewise, a good number of people that are working from home may desire an office away from all of the distractions often associated with working from home. In my situation, I am able to do a little bit of both and I typically prefer working from home.

However, a few readers seem to feel that Shoemoney is on to something.

30 Day Man mentions, “I have only just worked it out, and getting so much more done away from the homefront.”

TDave said, “I definitely agree with the part about getting an office away from the house…or at least detached from the house. If I am at the house my family just does not consider me at work….and I can’t get the time I need.”

Earlier I mentioned that I typically prefer to work from my home office.

Lately, I have really been enjoying my time at home because my sons are both in school most of the day and my wife is at work as well. The house is quiet all morning and afternoon which provides me with plenty of uninterrupted time to focus on my work. When my kids get home from school, I am there to greet them and take a break to help them with their homework – which is time that I really enjoy.

Another huge benefit for me is that my office is a considerable commute away from home and that is essentially lost time as opposed to walking down the stairs and being at work.

However, when my wife and kids are on vacation or throughout the summer, I find that being able to leave the home and work at an external office to be essential. Overall my family is outstanding about respecting the fact that I cannot be interrupted while working from home. But given the fact that I do not have an office that can be closed off from everyone, it can be difficult when the kids have friends over or they are running in and out of the house while playing.

If my office were closer to home, I think that I would agree that having an office outside of the house would be very attractive. For the time being I am enjoying my hybrid situation where I have the ability to work from home as needed but can also escape to an office outside of the home.

Do you prefer to work from home or at an office outside the home?

I’ve mentioned before that my current position as a software engineer comes with a great deal of flexibility – including my regular 4-day work week as well as the ability to work from home whenever I have the need.

So what is the decision that I see looming in my future?

In the time that I have been at my employer, I have moved up the ranks and am essentially at the top end of the technical career track as it stands today. While there are efforts underway to develop a more robust technical career track, I am facing the decision of moving into management.

Shudder.

When I first started working, I did not think that I would ever be interested in a management position but I am beginning to see some appeal into becoming a group manager – managing a team of technical employees. However, being promoted to a management position would likely have a negative impact on the flexibility that I enjoy today.

While not impossible, it is more difficult to manage a team of people when you are not in the office. Plus, we all know how much management likes to spend time in meetings and the common perception is that you must be physically present at said meetings. Compared to my current position, this lack of flexibility is quite concerning.

If you are faced with this situation, I think you need to ask yourself why do you want the promotion?

There are many reasons one would want a promotion, but generally speaking it boils down to the following key reasons:

• More money. When you receive a promotion, it typically includes an increase in salary. Who doesn’t like more money? As much as I like money, I honestly cannot complain as I earn a respectable wage right now and am not sold that the extra money is worth the potential decrease in flexibility.

• More responsibility. As you move up the ranks within your company, you will be challenged with additional responsibilities and expected to become more of a leader. Not being challenged at your job can make for a very long day, as it can be difficult to maintain a proper level of motivation when you are simply going through the motions.

• Prestige. People like fancy titles. When you mention that you are the Director of Product Development it carries a higher sense of prestige than mentioning that you are a Programmer – at least in some people’s eyes. Personally, I have never been all that interested in the title. My employer can refer to my job however they wish as long as I am compensated fairly.

Out of these three primary reasons to desire a promotion, I am interested in having more (or at least different) responsibilities and certainly won’t turn away an increase in money. The prestige doesn’t really do anything for me and would not be a deciding factor in my decision.

Are these reasons truly worth what I may be sacrificing?

The 4-day work week might be a thing of the past, meaning an extra two to four hours commuting to work each day. While it may still be feasible to work from home on occasion, I might not be able to do so with the same frequency. With different responsibilities, my work may not be suited to working remotely late at night so I can cut out of the office early to make it to my son’s ballgame.

On the surface, being promoted doesn’t sound quite as appealing when you weigh the potential costs involved. For the time being, I have not yet reached this crossroads and am happy with my technical position but this will be a decision that is going to present itself sooner or later.

Have you ever taken a promotion that cost you your flexibility?

Would you do it again?

In order to help facilitate this initiative, all of the conference rooms were artificially booked after 2:00pm on Fridays to make it a little more inconvenient for those that insist on meeting.

The reasoning behind this plan was to help prevent the late afternoon meetings on a Friday that tend to keep people in the office and away from their family. Rather than sit in meetings on a Friday afternoon, they would prefer to see employees wrapping up their tasks for the week in order to get out of the office at a reasonable time to work on the life side of work life balance.

I mention this policy because the other day I was attending a meeting and a few people were discussing this idea. They commented that while they thought it was a great idea, it does not accurately reflect the reality of doing business and Friday afternoon meetings could not be prevented.

When I heard this comment, I thought that it is not the reality of doing business that requires Friday afternoon meetings but instead it is our perception of reality. The true reality of doing business is what we make it – if we do not schedule meetings, the business will adapt and most likely continue to hum along without missing a beat.

Sure, there might be times where an emergency meeting is necessary. But as anyone that works in an office will likely confirm, the majority of meetings in the corporate world are a waste of time where very few decisions are actually made.

Have you ever experienced this at your place of work?

The perceptions that these people have about Friday afternoon meetings has become their reality. They don’t believe it is possible to do business without having meetings on Friday, therefore their reality is that they will still conduct meetings. Regardless of the fact that the company is encouraging people to avoid meetings – the true reality – the perception of reality is keeping people in the office.

Is your perception of reality keeping you unbalanced?

There are more and more examples that make me really think this is true. Earlier today I was reading a few articles about work life balance over at Yahoo! hotjobs and noticed something interesting.

In the screen shot above from the Yahoo! hotjobs site, I highlighted a few terms that I found interesting. Three of the seven featured articles are intended for working moms.

One of the articles mentions the following,

Working mother may be a redundant term because all moms work hard, whether it’s in the home or out. But mothers with jobs face unique challenges every day. Thankfully, there are many employers who offer a supportive environment to help these women shine, personally and professionally.

This made me think about the term working father.

Have you ever heard of a man with children and a career/job referred to as a working father? I cannot recall a time that I have ever heard this term used.

Why is that?

I believe the reason that men aren’t referred to as working fathers is because American culture believes that a man is expected to work. That isn’t to say that there aren’t expectations for the mother as well but often times the father continues to work while the mother may stay home with the children for a period of time before returning to the work-force. Obviously there are exceptions to this but I think this is the expectation of the American culture.

Think about a scenario when two men meet for the first time.

Often times one of the first questions asked is, “What do you do?”. The status of the man is immediately equated with his profession. It is not uncommon to see a man’s status questioned if they aren’t working at least 50-60 hours per week or if they focus on their family more than their career.

When I read the article about five hot jobs for working mothers, I thought I would do a quick search to see if I could find a similar article about five hot jobs for working fathers.

A quick Google search didn’t provide very encouraging results. As a matter of fact, it was rather alarming to see that four of the top ten results referred to an article about a sex offender. While the other search results were at least related to jobs, none of them seem to deliver a list of hot jobs for working fathers.

You might remember in my very first post here about the quest for dad balance that I mentioned how my local library had numerous books written for the working mother looking to find work life balance yet there was nothing for the working father.

Are men not interested in both their family and their career? I don’t believe that to be true for one second.

What do you think?