I’ve found one of the best ways to grow your business is by building relationships with other businesses.

In other words, build business allies!

So how do you do this?

We’ll follow along and I’ll show you, OK?

One of my favorite ways to build business allies is by networking.

I try to attend as many networking meetings as I can for groups who have similar or concurrent business needs as my business.

So for example, I do a ton of search engine optimization projects for my clients. So what I do is go to meetings where other website designers are hanging out.

Believe it or not, most website designers have no idea how to properly search engine optimize a website.  They know how to make a website beautiful but they don’t necessary know how to driver traffic to websites.

Now before I get a ton of hate mail from all you web designers out there — I’m not saying “ALL” web designers, but I will say a good amount of them for sure. ( By the way, this is not a slam on web designers, we all need to do what we’re good at and as business owners it is important to know you CAN NOT be all things to all people.)

So what I’ll do is contact other website designers in my community and offer my SEO skills to them as an unbundled service. I’ll explain I need to make “X” per client and they can charge whatever they want for my services as long as I make my fee.

On the flip side, if I have a client who wants a certain type of website and I don’t have the time or the expertise, I’ll funnel my client to the web designer for a predetermined fee.

Make sense?

Can you see how I’ve built a powerful business ally and is mutually beneficial for both businesses?

Try to think of some ways you can build allies in your business. How can another businesses benefit greatly from your relationship.

I’d love to hear your ideas or examples of how you might do this in your business so make sure you leave your comments and thoughts below OK?

Now get busy, Bill Parlaman

As a mother of three, working with her husband and living in New Orleans, Andrea Miles has quite a few interesting stories that she shares at According to Andrea.

My daughter Celina is my first born child. She is 11 years old. She is absolutely beautiful and very smart. I love her to death but she makes me insane.

You may laugh now but all of you readers who have or has had an 11 yr old girl know what I am talking about. I am not here to discuss on how many different ways (over 1 million) my daughter drives me cookoo, I am here to share my “plan” on how I intend to raise Celina to be a confident, assertive young woman. (The word plan is in quotation cause everyone knows things don’t always go as planned.)

Encouragement and Praise

I believe for Celina, she loves it when I show her praise for all the hard work she has done. May it be a test grade, a hard book she has read, or maybe even something simple as making her brothers a snack to eat. I ALWAYS ALWAYS tell her that she did a great job. It is important because it will build her self-esteem to know that I recognize the hard work she has put forth.

Celina is not the one to go out and try something new. So when she does do something out of character, I encourage her to be brave and explore whatever it is. For example, a new girl about her age had moved in a couple homes down while she was at her father’s for summer vacation. I knew immediately that they would be great friends. She was shy at first but with a bit of encouragement from my husband and I, she befriended the little girl and now are the bestest of friends.

I also encourage Celina to try out different hairstyles or clothes styles. She has always worn her hair down and it gets all messy and knotted up. When she shows me a hairstyle that she made up, I make sure I remark about how pretty she looks and how wonderful it is that she tried out something new! I always encourage her to try out something new, at least once.

Positive Reinforcement As Discipline

Now, I am not saying I don’t use punishment such as grounding, taking away phone, etc. I am saying I try and reward her when she is being good and displaying a good role model example. Examples are helping cleaning up after dinner, setting up the dinner table, emptying out the dishwasher, or washing her clothes without me having to hound her about it.

For the time being, these don’t happen quite often. LOL So when it does show, I make a big deal out of it. I reward her with something like an extra 30 minutes of computer time, letting her best friend eat over for dinner, or maybe something like going out to a movie.

There are times when I will use punishment. These are simple things like taking the phone away, no computer time, or no dessert after dinner. She throws a big fit about it when I do punish her. But I know in my mind that if I don’t set an example, she will never learn from her mistakes. The biggest rule in disciplining in my book, is ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH no matter what. Once I set the punishment, I do not back down from it. I want my daughter to see me, as a woman, to be strong and solid not wishy washy and someone that can be pushed over.

Today my youngest son turns 7 years old!

It is amazing (not to mention a little scary as well) that my son is already celebrating his seventh birthday, as it seems like just yesterday that he was a tiny little baby being held in our arms.

Over the years, he has given me plenty of opportunities to reflect on why being a dad rocks and I cherish those moments.

As we celebrate his birthday together as a family (thanks to my flexible schedule I will be home with him all day), I thought that I would share something that we have been doing for both of our boys the last couple of years.

The Birthday Choice.

Two years ago, as our oldest son’s birthday was quickly approaching, my wife and I were dreading the idea of entertaining an army of young children for an afternoon. That was when we thought of presenting our son with a choice.

He could have a party with all of his friends…

Or he could receive a more significant gift from mom and dad.

If you’re thinking that sounds like bribery, well, I guess it is!

As you might imagine, he chose the appeal of receiving the bigger, better, world-changing gift as opposed to spending an afternoon with his friends. My wife and I waited until our son wasn’t looking to high-five that we had diverted the trip to Chuck-E-Cheese and the inevitable need to crawl through the maze of tunnels to find the one child that could not find his way out.

Some might think that a choice like this is encouraging a child to be materialistic.

I like to think that it is teaching them to be realistic.

They learn to evaluate their choices and make a decision that will lead them to the most happiness. The fact that their choice also leads to our happiness as parents is just a bonus. But this lesson will serve them quite well in later life.

Do they spend a few hundred dollars on a party to entertain their friends for an afternoon? Or do they opt to skip the party and enjoy their special gift for many months, if not years?

That really isn’t too different than the decisions that they will have to make many times as they grow older.

Do they spend the money on an elaborate weekend vacation or do they contribute to their Roth IRA and retire earlier? Do they accept the job offer with a higher salary and more hours, or the job offer with a lower salary and no overtime?

As parents, we do not encourage them to make a particular decision and we support them either way. They are welcome to select the party with their friends at the expense of a more substantial gift; however, they have yet to do so since we first presented them with this choice.

For the record, our youngest son did select the more substantial gift this year. In addition to the gifts that we would have bought him whether he had a party or not, he will be receiving Rock Band Special Edition for Nintendo Wii.

Remember how I mentioned earlier that being a dad rocks?

By giving my son a choice on his birthday, I will have an opportunity to rock with him and it really doesn’t get much better than that.

As we rock out this afternoon, I’d like to hear what you think about presenting your child with the choice between a full-blown birthday party with their friends or to have that money spent on a gift for them.

Photo credit: Kevin

According to a report on Overweight and Obesity provided by the American Heart Association, the following statistics might surprise you and should definitely scare you:

Among Americans age 20 and older, the following are overweight or obese (BMI of 25.0 and higher):

• For non-Hispanic whites, 71.0 percent of men and 57.6 percent of women.
• For non-Hispanic blacks, 67.0 percent of men and 79.6 percent of women.
• For Mexican Americans, 74.6 percent of men and 73.0 percent of women.

Of these, the following are obese (BMI of 30.0 and higher):

• For non-Hispanic whites, 30.2 percent of men and 30.7 percent of women.
• For non-Hispanic blacks, 30.8 percent of men and 51.1 percent of women.
• For Mexican Americans, 29.1 percent of men and 39.4 percent of women.

Nearly 3 out of 4 men are overweight, with 1 out of 3 being obese.

There are numerous reasons that we should all strive to be healthy and fit. Among them are the benefits such as of having more energy to play with your kids, reduce or possibly eliminate the risk of certain health disorders, and a longer expected lifespan.

If those benefits are not enough to coax you off of the couch and into the gym, here is something that will interest most men. Being fit can benefit you in the bedroom as well, as overweight men are more likely to have problems with erectile dysfunction. In addition, as you feel and look better, your spouse will likely have a hard time keeping their hands off of you.

With all of that said, I bring this up today because I wanted to share with all of you that I am making strides to adopt a healthier lifestyle for myself. Unlike Jeremy from Discovering Dad, I’m not quite ready to videotape myself on the scale but I would like to share the journey with all of you.

As I begin the process towards a healthier lifestyle, I am taking baby steps; as past efforts have started off strong and then burned out. From an exercise regimen, I am starting with simple walking – both outside with my family and on the treadmill – and traditional situps and pushups. Sounds basic I know, but I want to make it a habit before I begin to increase the intensity.

The most difficult part of a healthier lifestyle for me will be the food intake.

One of my biggest obstacles is thinking of food as fuel for my body as opposed to a source of comfort and enjoyment. Sure, people claim that eating healthy can be enjoyable but a tofu salad doesn’t sound nearly as enjoyable as a pepperoni pizza. With my schedule, I am often up late at night and have a hard time resisting the snacks. Simply cutting out the late night eating – or choosing healthier snacks – should make a big difference for me.

Based on the statistics that I mentioned earlier, I know that I am not alone in needing to adopt a healthier lifestyle. As much as we might know that we need to be healthier and even how to be healthier, we still struggle with following through and becoming healthier.

While each of us is clearly different and needs to find our own source of motivation, I thought that I would share with you my top three reasons that I am adopting a healthier lifestyle.

#1 – Me, Myself, and I

You’ve surely heard the saying that someone will not change until they are ready to change. This holds true for fitness and eating healthy as well. People can talk to me all day about the benefits of having a healthy lifestyle but they best not hold their breath waiting for me to change until I am ready to change.

I am ready to change.

With the small changes that I have begun to make, I have reached the point where I am ready to change. I’m tired of being overweight.

#2 – My Kids

According to The Surgeon General’s Call To Action To Prevent and Decrease Overweight and Obesity, overweight adolescents have a 70% chance of becoming overweight or obese adults. This increases to 80% if one or more parent is overweight or obese.

As an overweight man myself, I do not want to see my two handsome boys grow up as overweight men. By eating healthy and making exercise a visible component of my life, my children will learn good habits and we will have the opportunity to do more things together.

Being a role model for my children, I want them to see a healthy and fit man rather than an out-of-shape couch potato.

#3 – My Wife

As much as I want to be healthy for myself, I want to be healthy for my wife. Not only are there the benefits in the bedroom that I mentioned earlier, but reducing the risk of major health disorders means we will have more time to spend together.

When I think of our retirement years, I don’t want to see either of us being in and out of hospitals with health problems that could have possibly been avoided had we been healthier. By following a healthy lifestyle, we will have more energy to do fun things together and make the most of the time that we have with one another.

Hopefully all of you will join me on this journey as well – even if you’re already leading a healthy lifestyle or are not ready to make changes in your own life. It will no doubt be a difficult change for me and I am sure that the support of the community will help keep me focused.

Who wants to help me change those alarming statistics?

With a handful of days with the house to myself, I had visions of being uber-productive.

Can you guess what happened?

That’s right – with so much time to myself, I kept procrastinating on my list of things to do.

After all, with days of uninterrupted free time, I had more than enough time to get everything done with time to spare. Then I got busy on twitter. Then I spent time catching up on all of my RSS reading. Then I spent time watching the White Sox games out on the west coast.

There I sat on Saturday night, less than 24 hours until I left for Las Vegas and with a long list of tasks still waiting to be completed.

Now to be fair, I did spend a good portion of the day on Saturday doing laundry and cleaning the house. Trying to pay attention to my husband balance, I knew my wife would appreciate coming home from her trip to a clean house.

As I raced around on Saturday night, I realized that having a regular dose of family time actually increases my productivity.

The normal schedule of going to work and then coming home to spend time with my family mandates that I make the most of my free time. Without a surplus of time to myself, I am more focused on getting my work done.

It seems counterintuitive that reducing your free time would make you more productive; but this past week I have found it to be true for me.

Maybe I am just a weak man that is too easily distracted by nonsense when I am home alone. Or maybe it was my mind and body telling myself to decompress – yeah, that’s it.

If you find yourself twittering frittering time away, set aside more time with your family and you might just increase your productivity.

For today’s tip, we are going to get back to basics and cover one of the most simple rule of composition: the rule of thirds. I actually like to think of it more as a suggestion, since there will be plenty of times you will take great pictures without following it.

Here are the basics. When you frame up an image, divide the frame like a tic-tac-toe board with 2 horizontal lines and 2 vertical lines. Here’s an example:

To improve your shots, all you have to do is place your subject at the intersection of any two lines.

That’s it. Instant ‘artist’s statement’ with your photos. To enhance this even more, have your subject looking or facing in the direction of the open area. This ‘visual space’ adds even more interest to your photo.

Some cameras (including my 2005-era point-and-shoot) will display the grid pattern for me, so I don’t even have to think about where the exact intersections are! Maybe your camera has this feature as well.

Start using this technique today, and then look at other photographs and see where it’s being used there. And don’t limit yourself to horizontal/vertical shots. Angle your camera for an interesting perspective, and use the rule of thirds on top of that. Your geometry teacher will be so proud (if she remembers your name).

After you’ve used this technique for a while, completely change it up it and try something new like having your subject look away from the open area, or cutting off the bottom of heads so that only eyes peek out from the edge of the frame. After all, it wouldn’t be a ‘rule of thirds’ unless you found creative ways to break it.

Have you found creative ways to use the rule of thirds in your photographs? Let us know in the comments below! Also, feel free to suggest ideas or techniques you would like me to cover for future articles!

Eric Doggett is a photographer in Austin, Texas. He has a site specifically for baby photography tips at ShootTheBaby.com, as well as BoxOfficeBaby.com, a site where you can order custom birth/party announcement posters – it’s a very unique gift newborn children can keep forever. You can reach him at babydaddy -at- ShootTheBaby.com.

The kind people here at Sparkplugging.com have asked me to help start a column on photography, and so I am very excited to give you some tips and tricks to help you get the most out of your camera!

We are going to give you some great advice, whether you have a top-of-the-line DSLR or a crappy hand-me-down pocket digital camera that you received as part of some introduction to timeshares.

We’ll include some example pictures where we can, and I welcome your input on these articles plus suggestions for future articles. You can reach me at babydaddy -at- ShootTheBaby.com.

Let’s get going!

For this first article, let’s talk about when to turn off the flash. ‘What?’ you might say? ‘The camera knows when to use it, so why would I turn it off?’ A good question indeed. The fact is that your camera doesn’t always know when it’s best to turn off the flash. It has a set of rules to follow, and it’s going to stick to them no matter what. And sometimes, you end up with a bad picture. But you can take control and get better shots more consistently.

I can hear the moans now.

Your camera came with a manual that’s written in 32 languages and pops open like a diorama. There’s no way you have the time to figure out all the settings you need to make this work. Actually, it’s easier than you think! All I am suggesting is to turn off the flash and leave everything else on automatic. Usually, for pocket cameras, you can turn off the flash with one button that looks like this:

If your pocket camera is like mine, it probably rotates through a menu like Flash On, Flash Off, and Auto Flash (otherwise known as Sporadic/Inconsistent Mode). For DSLRs that have a built-in flash, you’ll need to look at the manual, but it will probably be something very similar.

What kind of results can you get from doing this? Let’s check out an example. Here’s a shot of my son, taken with a pocket camera. It’s the middle of the day, and there’s a big glass door behind me. However, with all the light coming in, my camera decided to use the flash and this is what I got:

Uggh. So ‘point and shoot’-ish. But, by turning off the flash and leaving everything else on automatic, I can get this:

Much better. The lighting is more even, and you can see the room much more clearly.

So, where should you try this?

Well, you’ll need a lot of light, so trying this while your kid is sleeping at night isn’t going to work. I recommend using window light! Window light is great – it’s soft, slightly directional, and can work wonders. Try having the window to your back so that you are between it and your subject. Have your subject face you, turn off the flash, and take a few shots. The camera will realize that you are putting the smack down on the flash, and it will compensate.

While you are practicing, take a note of the shutter speed that the camera is using. If you don’t have enough light in the room, the shutter speed will be too low, like 1/30th of a second, 1/15th, or slower. If that happens, you will get a blurry mess. I would try to get a shutter of 1/60th of a second or higher. You can shoot with a slower shutter, but you will need to practice being still, and also having your subject still. Good luck with that last one – the only time my oldest is still is when he realizes he’s in trouble. Sometimes he thinks he’s being punished when I take his picture anyways, so it all works out.

Here’s one more example of using window light, this time taken with a Canon 5D:

There are some extra retouching steps I’ve done in Photoshop on this image, and I hope to cover some of those tips in future articles.

There you have it – your first tip to making your images better! I look forward to passing on more tips in future articles!

Eric Doggett is a photographer based in Austin, Texas. He recently launched a site specifically for baby photography tips at ShootTheBaby.com. This month he is also launching BoxOfficeBaby.com, a site where you can order custom birth announcement and birthday party movie posters. You can reach him at babydaddy -at- ShootTheBaby.com.

He also writes on his blog, deguia.net about current events, life in Sonoma County and the West Memphis Three.

As a parent, often times it’s hard to remember that your childhood was vastly different than your own child’s childhood. This was something that was driven home, abruptly, this past week for me.

For ages now I’ve been trying to teach my 7-year-old daughter how to ride a two-wheeler bike. Every time I try to start the process, it inevitably gets interrupted by common colds, broken bones, bad weather, or life in general getting in the way.

The latest reason: She has outgrown her bike.

After each unsuccessful attempt, without fail, I am left feeling guilty and ashamed as though I’m a bad father for not having it done by now. This is especially true when I remember that I was riding on two wheels around the neighborhood, making jumps off of the dirt ramp at the end of our street, when I was younger than my own daughter.

I’ve spent time thinking back on my own childhood, to see what was different than the childhood I’m observing now. The reasons are numerous and vary in complexity.

Here is one example…

When I was younger, my parents both worked full-time jobs. Starting in second grade, I was responsible for getting myself ready for school in the morning. My dad would leave for work shortly after waking me up and I was the one to dress myself, brush my hair and teeth, get my own cereal, gather the things I needed for the school day ahead, and so forth. After school let out, I would walk home, let myself into the house on days when my mom was not yet home from work, and begin playing or doing home work.

With my own children, their childhood is drastically different.

Chief among those reasons is that we are a one car family. As such, a daily strategy meeting is held to figure out how we will accomplish all of the tasks and errands that need to be done.

Sometimes that requires the kids to ride along with us and spend more time in the car than at home playing in the backyard. I work full time 14 miles away from home. With traffic, it can easily take 45 minutes to drive home. On school nights that leaves little time for playing.

While we have more family time together than I had growing up, they have fewer hours to play each day.

Does that mean that I’m doing a bad job as a dad?

I don’t think so.

I think it’s important to remember that using your own childhood as a guideline for determining your value and success as a parent, rarely works out for the best.

Parenting is something that should be based on actions born of the heart and honesty in the present, rather than on fragments of your memory from decades past.

Unfortunately, even though we know this, we still struggle to buy a gift for the woman that we love. Over the years that my wife and I have been married, I’ve made just about every gift buying mistake that you can think of.

Lingerie (to which she asked if I thought it was my birthday)…guilty.

Truffles when she was dieting (ouch, the ensuing guilt trip may scar you for years)…guilty.

Clothing of the wrong size (ouch, don’t do this one either – and don’t trust the labels inside their current clothes as there are no guarantees that is still her size, trust me)…guilty.

I could go on and on but I think you get the point.

With today being my wife’s birthday, I have recently gone through the process of buying her a gift and thought that I would share with you the lessons that I have learned on how to buy the perfect gift.

In all honesty, you’re going to kick yourself when you realize how easy it really is to buy the perfect gift.

Prepare yourself.

Are you ready for the Unofficial Guide to Buying Your Wife a Gift?

Step #1 :: Listen To Her

Did the lights just dim?

I know that is an Earth shattering revelation but I guarantee you that a few weeks to a few months before the special occasion, your wife will be dropping you hints left and right in casual conversation. Unfortunately, we are usually trying to listen to SportsCenter while trying to make it look like we are listening to every last word.

More often than not, we miss these hidden suggestions and end up buying a gift that we think she wants. Only on the rarest of occasions did your wife actually mention that she has been wanting to purchase a new vacuum – and even if she did that doesn’t mean she wants it for her birthday.

Traditional advice is to never buy your wife a tool or appliance for her birthday. If it is associated with her doing more work, it is probably not the best gift.

However, a few years back I purchased one of those fancy, colorful, do-everything kitchen blender mixer magic maker things as a Christmas gift and it went over very well.

Yes, I know that I just said that tools and appliances don’t make great gifts but the reason that this gift went over well is because I followed the second step of the Unofficial Guide to Buying Your Wife a Gift.

Step #2 :: Ask Her

Again, such a simple thing to do yet we often overlook in the desire to purchase the perfect gift.

While some might say it lacks romance or creativity, I would ask them how romantic or creative it is to see your wife in the customer service department returning the gift that you thought she would love as much as you did.

I don’t know about you but when it is my birthday, I truly enjoy getting something that I want and I don’t enjoy it any less if I had to tell someone that I wanted it.

By asking your wife what she would like for the special occasion, you will avoid the risk of misunderstanding the hints she had been trying to give you for the weeks preceding the special day and save yourself from the panic of rushing around the mall on the night before as you rack your brain trying to remember anything that she said to you.

When you ask your wife what she truly wants for the second time, as the first answer will likely be that she doesn’t want anything (yeah, don’t do this one either…guilty), you will ensure that you buy a gift that she does in fact want.

George Foreman Guarantee

Following the two steps of the Unofficial Guide to Buying Your Wife a Gift comes with the guarantee that you will purchase a gift that makes your wife happy.

If she isn’t happy with the gift, then you did something wrong.

In recent years I have followed these two steps with fantastic results, whether it be the time the two of us escaped for a long weekend in Boston and Salem or more recently when the long-awaited little blue box from Tiffany & Co arrived under the Christmas tree.

The next time you need to buy your wife a gift, refer back to this guide and let me know how it goes.

Now, it is just about time for my wife to open her birthday gifts – if you don’t hear back from me, ignore this Unofficial Guide to Buying Your Wife a Gift and buy her that lingerie!

Have you ever told the boss no?

When your boss calls you with a request to work a late night or come into the office over the weekend, many times you will clear your schedule in order to accommodate the needs of your boss and company.

Do you consider the true cost of such a decision?

Often times the reason that we accept these assignments from our boss is due to the fear of losing our job or being seen in a negative light by our superiors. Fear of losing your job is a very real thing, unfortunately it is not the motivational force that will propel you to success.

At the end of the day, most of us are working in order to provide a comfortable and secure living for our families. Think about that for a minute…

We’re working to provide for our families, yet we cast them aside at a moments notice to please our boss.

A few months back, I shared with you the idea that you can say no at work. Now that doesn’t mean that you should refuse every request at work – particularly from your boss. However, you cannot be a doormat either and always drop your life in favor of work.

As the article from The Juggle mentions, one solution is to agree to the extra work but to revise the schedule such that it doesn’t have a negative impact on your family time.

When I was working at a Dot Com startup company years ago, we were in a mad push to get our product completed and ready for the launch. After devoting many long nights – the kind where you head home just to grab a shower and come right back – to the company, we had a meeting where the CTO demanded that everyone come in over the weekend.

In what I thought was a rather tasteless maneuver, he then proceeded to go around the room asking each person to guarantee that they would be present at a specific time.

When he got to me, I told him that I could not guarantee that I would be present at the specified time as I had prior commitments with my family but that I could come in to complete my work. At this point he questioned me and indicated that I was not committed to the success of the company. Obviously I had a very different opinion.

It should come as no surprise that this startup fell apart with the burst of the Dot Com bubble.

Ever since that day, I have had a new appreciation for putting my family before my work – although there are times that my wife might dispute that with all of the work I do on these blogs.

I’m going to share a secret with you – telling my boss no has certainly not resulted in career suicide.

Jobs come and go but your family is there forever.

The next time that your boss asks you to share the time that is devoted to being with your family, give serious consideration to the potential disappointment and hurt that your family may feel if you were to miss something special and don’t be afraid to discuss the issue with your boss to see if there is a better solution.

Have you ever told your boss no? Did it impact your career?

Self-promotion – or tooting your own horn – can feel a little strange.

Chances are that you were taught as a child that being humble about your accomplishments was the proper way to act.

Gloating about what you have done or how great you might be at something was a sure-fire way to turn people off and make you come across as full of yourself.

There is certainly a fine line between self-promotion and being pompous – but it is essential that you learn how to toot your own horn from time to time.

As I noted last week, there was a situation at work where I had done enough self-promotion with my direct boss but had fallen short on casting a wide enough net while sharing my accomplishments.

You might be tempted to believe that your hard work and dedication will not go unnoticed. While that is true to a certain extent, there is no sense in taking the risk that people are not aware of your achievements. This is something that I have been guilty of in my career as I prefer to keep my head down and get the work done – ahead of schedule and with the highest of quality. Once the job is done, it is nice to hear the praise that comes with a job well done but it has never been something that I have solicited by promoting my own work.

Not only will this approach put you at risk of people not being aware of your accomplishments, but you also run the risk of other people receiving – or taking – the credit for the work you have done.

When you dedicate yourself to a project and bring in great results while saving the company a considerable amount of money – will you be recognized for being the person to get the work done or will your boss be recognized for running a “tight ship” and getting the team to deliver?

Do you want to take that risk?

I don’t know about you but that is not a risk that I am willing to take any longer. There is more at stake than just the recognition for a job well done. It is feasible to say that you may be passed over for the next promotion or you might have to fight harder for a raise when people are not aware of what you have done. That has an immediate impact on your livelihood and your ability to provide for your family.

Now that we have an appreciation for the importance of self-promotion, I’d like to share a few things with you in an effort to toot my own horn a little bit.

Over the weekend, my personal blog passed the one-year milestone and I am proud of everything that has been accomplished in the first year with that blog.

To celebrate this blogging milestone, I am running a contest on my celebration post to give away one year of free web hosting courtesy of BlueFur.com to a lucky reader. My hope is that by providing someone with free hosting for one year that they will realize what is possible just by taking the first step to get started with their own website or blog.

The tooting doesn’t stop there – ok, that sounds kind of bad.

Earlier today I discovered that Dad Balance has been included in a list of the Top 100 Freelancer Blogs over at Bootstrapper. Dad Balance is included in the section on Freelancing & Parenting – which is quite an honor given the other quality blogs/sites listed in that category.

It is with all of your help that this has been possible and I appreciate the contributions that all of you make. Now…

Get out there and toot your own horn!

Photo credit: dave_apple

Work.

Finances.

Work.

There are plenty of things in our day-to-day lives that can introduce a considerable amount of stress. Just the other day I had an experience at work that resulted in a temporary source of stress – which was resolved with a quiet evening spent with a good friend.

Regardless of what may be causing the stress in your life there is a surefire way to forget about everything and enjoy the moment.

Play with your children.

It is amazing to see how spending some time goofing around with the kids can eliminate stress. While kids are not immune from stress by any means, they have an uncanny ability to move past the stressful situation and find something new to occupy their attention.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been mildly stressed about work recently but last night had the pleasure of experiencing a healthy dose of stress free time with my son. Our oldest son plays basketball and their season comes to an end this coming weekend. For the last practice, his coach pulled all the parents off the sideline to participate in practice with their kids.

While it was evident that the basketball skill abandoned many of the parents quite some time ago, you could literally see the stress melt away from the parents as they enjoyed playing with their kids. The competition kicked into gear with a game of horse between the parents and kids – by the way, it is amazing to see how these young boys have already mastered the art of talking smack on the court.

Let me tell you that there is nothing that can eliminate stress like the sight of your child smiling from ear to ear as you spend time with them in an activity that they enjoy.

The next time have a situation that is causing you stress, stop what you are doing and spend some time playing with your children. If you don’t have children, don’t let that stop you as you can still spend some time playing like you were a child.

However, I recommend an activity a little less demanding than basketball – as the wind sprint relay race really killed all of the parents while the children were barely breathing hard!

Just when you start to lose sight of this bond, you’ll share a moment with your child where you realize just how much it rocks to be a dad. Times like these are something extra special, life-changing perhaps.

1. You get to be there for your child as they conquer their fears.

Photo credit: flattop341

2. You get to teach your child the value of a hard day’s work.

Photo credit: DrStarbuck

3. You get to share the power of a hug – in both good and bad times.

Photo credit: .tatiana.

4. You get to act like a kid and play, play, play.

Photo credit: Caprica2006

5. You get to show your child that they are important to you.

Photo credit: losiek

6. You get to help your child reach new heights.

Photo credit: Hamed Saber

7. You get to be a role model – whether you see it or not, your child is watching and learning.

Photo credit: *clarity*

8. You get to show your child that anything is possible as long as you try your hardest.

Photo credit: mikebaird

9. You get to see your child experience something for the first time.

Photo credit: Orin Optiglot

10. You get to help shape your child into an adult and watch them take on the world.

Photo credit: stevebrownd50

The battle between parents and kids over a clean bedroom has been raging since before the last time the Chicago Cubs won the World Series – sorry, I’m a Chicago White Sox fan and just had to get a dig in on the Cubs as spring training gets underway.

When you think that you have won the battle as your child begins to clean their room, you quickly get a dose of reality when 45 seconds later your child exclaims that they are done cleaning.

Humoring yourself, you peek your head into their room and you think one shirt might have been picked up off the floor.

Our oldest son usually resorts to the following routine when he is told to clean his room:

• All of the clothes on the floor are rolled into a ball and shoved into the corner of the closet.
• Toys are crammed into his “junk drawer” in one of the dressers.
• Once the junk drawer is full, everything else gets crammed under the bed.
• All done.

There is no doubt that parents and children have very different definitions of what it means to clean a room. When our children are cleaning their room, they will usually ask if it has to be “Mom clean” or their version of clean.

Think back to the last time you had this battle with your children and tell me if the following sounds familiar:

Did you notice the real problem during that conversation? Hint, it happened right there at the end.

Ownership.

This battle is less about actually cleaning the room and more about ownership of space. Parents feel they own the entire house while children are trying to claim ownership of their room. After all, they are regularly told it is their room.

As a parent it can be hard to relinquish complete control to your children, but eventually it has to happen and giving them the ownership of their room can go a long way towards helping them gain a sense of responsibility.

When we constantly demand that they do what we want with their things – their room in this case – aren’t we really saying that we don’t respect their ability to make their own decisions?

There are valid arguments as to why your child should have to clean their room, including:

• What is that smell? Dirty underwear piled over the heat vent doesn’t always smell the best – trust me. If you allow your children to have food in their room, there may be things growing somewhere in there and that is not healthy.

• Being messy can be expensive. When a bedroom looks like a disaster area, it is easy to step on – and break – the Nintendo DS that is buried under Legos and dirty clothes. Games are lost, CDs are scratched. Trying to replace the damaged items is not cheap.

• @#*$! You only need to have a G.I. Joe gun lodged into your foot once to appreciate the ability to walk in a clean bedroom.

Unfortunately, the “because I said so” argument isn’t very valid here – or anywhere to be perfectly honest, hopefully my kids won’t be reading this post.

While I would love to tell you that we have conquered this age-old battle in our house, it is one that has been acted out far too many times. Our kids despise having to clean their room. The mess really drives my wife crazy and while the mess usually doesn’t bother me, I support my wife’s effort to have the kids clean their room.

Ding…ding…ding!

Before this battle has a chance to enter another round, my wife and I are going to explore the idea of having the kids’ bedrooms truly be their space to do with as they see fit.

There will be a couple of ground rules though, as otherwise I would fear for the safety of anyone that steps into our house.

• Every six months their rooms will need a thorough cleaning. This will ensure that they don’t somehow find a way to clone dirty socks that eventually take over the world.
• We reserve the right to not enter their room if we feel it is too messy – see @#*$! above. This means that they might miss out on a bedtime story, at least in their room, if it is too messy.

With the bedroom battle waging on no matter what methods have been used, it is time to transfer ownership of the bedroom and respect the right for our children to have their own space.

Am I being too optimistic?

Please share your stories of how you have approached the battle over a clean bedroom in your house.

Photo credit: Jono Rotten

Over the last month or two that desire has been getting stronger as my wife and I browse through the real estate listings online and research various parts of the country. Both of us have lived in the same general area for our entire lives and cannot deny that it would be nice to explore other areas – although there is also a good deal of fear involved in making that type of change.

One area of fear – or at least uncertainty – is what that would mean for our children.

As a parent, one of your goals is to provide your children with an environment that will allow them to explore every possibility and living in a major metropolitan area means there are resources available to you that may not be there otherwise. However, with the higher cost of living often comes the need for both parents to work or at least one parent to work more and that can have a negative impact on quality family time.

While evaluating potential locations to live within the United States, most parents will agree that it is important to live in an area with relatively low crime that also has a positive economic outlook.

The other day there was an article published by Kurt Badenhausen on Yahoo! Real Estate that examined the most miserable cities in America.

The article builds on the Misery Index, created by economist Arthur Okun, and the Misery Score to create a unique ranking of the 150 largest metropolitan areas. The Forbes Misery Measure includes the unemployment and personal tax rates used in the Misery Index and Misery Score while also adding a look at commute times, weather, crime and the number of toxic waste sites.

According to the Forbes Misery Measure, the top ten miserable cities include:

1. Detroit, Michigan
2. Stockton, California
3. Flint, Michigan
4. New York, New York
5. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6. Chicago, Illinois
7. Los Angeles, California
8. Modesto, California
9. Charlotte, North Carolina
10. Providence, Rhode Island

Unfortunately we currently live in a suburb of one of these cities and had considered another as a potential destination if we were to leave our current home.

We came very close to moving to the Knoxville, Tennessee area – which is too small for this list – about a year and a half ago but after numerous trips to the area we were not able to find the house that we loved enough to move.

More recently, we have looked at areas such as Columbia, South Carolina as a place that might be nice. Last night I was chatting with Cory from A Good Husband and he mentioned Portland, Oregon as being very nice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on cities that are great for raising a family while also not breaking the bank in terms of the cost of living.

And if you happen to live in such a city and have a need for a programmer with technical management experience that can also blog, be sure to let me know!

One of the features that All Pro Dad has on their website is the Play of the Day – which is the daily email service written by Bryan Davis that provides tips to help you be a better dad. Before we go any further, I would recommend that you sign up for the Play of the Day as Bryan delivers some outstanding tips.

The tip from today is an example of what you can expect to receive – incentives for your children.

Whether you work for yourself or for someone else, you likely have a variety of incentives that encourage you to put forth your best effort – with one of the primary incentives being the opportunity for a salary increase and/or promotion.

The same should hold true for your children.

Children have many things competing for their time and attention – not all of which are beneficial – and it can be easy for them to lose their motivation to be responsible and well-behaved.

Think about it – if you worked your ass off at work and did not receive any reward or recognition for your effort, it probably wouldn’t be long before you weren’t always giving your best effort. Children are not any different. When your kids work hard to get good grades in school and keep up with their chores at home but are not rewarded, how long will it be before they start to slip?

To provide incentives for your children, create an “evaluation” – not much different than your annual performance review at work – where your children can receive a predetermined number of points for giving their best effort. It is entirely up to you to decide what is worthy of a reward, as you may not wish to reward your children for performing basic tasks that are expected of each member of the family.

All Pro Dad provides the following suggestions,

• Room cleaned up :: 100 points
• Dressed and ready to leave for school on time :: 120 points
• No fighting with siblings :: 150 points
• Homework done :: 150 points
• Every A on a report card :: 1,000 points
• Every B on a report card :: 500 points

Once you determine the list of responsibilities that will be rewarded, sit down with your kids and agree on how they can redeem their points for rewards. Try to create a variety of rewards at a wide range of point levels – and keep them realistic. If your kids need to accumulate 200,000 points for a dinner at the restaurant of their choice, they may lose their motivation.

You might be thinking that this sounds like a system based on bribery but in fact it is a means of recognizing your children for doing their “job” well – much like you are rewarded at work for doing your job well.

What do you think of providing incentives for your children?

This week the focus will be on the intangibles that help guide us towards success in all our endeavors.

Life’s a stove; cook on all four burners.

This is a tip that I may look at a little bit different than some, as I like to consider the size and power of the burners as well the need to use all four burners. In the recipe of life, we have the ability to juggle many things and for some the four burners may represent your physical health, mental health, spirituality, and relationships with others.

At times one aspect of your life may require more attention, which is when you move that “pot” to the largest burner with max power. As that “pot” begins to cook, you can move that to a different burner and focus on another area that needs attention. If you only pay attention to one burner, you will find that the other components of your life suffer.

Measure your wealth by the things that no one could buy at any price.

There are countless things that can provide you with great wealth yet you will never be able to purchase – family, confidence, integrity, and honesty are just a few.

It is very easy to get caught up in the belief that your wealth is measured by material possessions or the size of your bank account. However, true wealth is often found in the hidden treasures that many of us take for granted on a regular basis. Embrace these treasures and enjoy the wealth in your life.

Hope and ideas are two things that always matter.

Examine any successful entrepreneur and you are likely to find a strong sense of hope and an abundant source of ideas as key components of their success.

Challenge yourself to constantly let your mind explore new ideas and possibilities, as you never know when you will discover the next great idea. As you come up with ideas, maintain the belief that you will achieve a positive result and do not let anything stand in your way.

Good character is not hereditary or permanent. It needs to be created every day.

Think of someone that you consider to be a role model. Chances are that person is one with good character – but that doesn’t mean it is effortless. While it may not always be apparent to the outside observer, being a person with good character does require hard work and the conscious decision to make the right choices.

Remember, hard work causes most everything to grow.

There will certainly be times in your life where the seeds that you plant will not grow no matter how hard you work. However, more times than not your hard work will be rewarded with personal and professional growth.

Success does not come easy. It requires commitment, determination, and hard work – don’t let the fear of failure prevent you from working hard to reach your goals and plant the seeds of success.

In the weeks preceding the Super Bowl, people are abuzz with where to watch the game and planning Super Bowl parties. This is great if you’re not a sports fan and are one of the people that says you thought Eli Manning played for the Indianapolis Colts.

For true sports fans there is only one way to watch the Super Bowl – alone in the comfort of your own home!

Top 5 Reasons to Watch the Super Bowl Alone

• Best seat in the house. There is nothing worse than attending a Super Bowl party and having to sit on the hard folding chair positioned behind the couch, or worse yet have to stand for the entire game. If you decide to host the party, you’ll have to battle with people stealing your seat when you do get a break from playing host. By flying solo for the big game, you will not have to fight for your seat and can kick back and relax.

• One word – TiVo. Need to hit the bathroom? Is your beer empty and you have an urge to make a sammich? No problem – pause the game and don’t worry about missing a thing. When you are at a Super Bowl party, you cannot demand that the game be paused so you can walk the dog. Don’t relinquish the power of the remote control during the ultimate sporting event of the year.

• Flatulence. Speaking of having to go to the bathroom, nothing detracts from the enjoyment of the Super Bowl like having to worry about a fart escaping after you’ve stuffed your face with hot wings and jalapeno poppers. Trust me – you cannot beat having the freedom to let one rip as needed.

• You can actually watch the game. When you’re at a Super Bowl party there is a good chance that the game itself is not the primary attraction. There will be quite a few people in attendance that are not interested in the game at all – yet they will be the people sitting in the prime viewing seats (see #1 above) so they don’t miss a commercial. If you’re at all interested in watching – and enjoying – the actual game, do yourself a favor and watch it at home.

• Control the game. This may come as a surprise but true sports fans have the ability to control the outcome of the game. When your team is playing poorly it is likely a result of the fact that you were sitting in the wrong chair, wearing the wrong jersey, or watching on the wrong television. You’ll lose the ability to influence the game if you’re at a party or have a house full of people that don’t understand why they all have to huddle around the 15″ TV in the garage.

Bonus Reason

There is nothing more frustrating when your team – or the team that you have bet on – is losing and you have to listen to morons your friends babble about the game being over or your team being terrible.

When it comes to sports, nobody is allowed to say your favorite team sucks except you. Avoid the risk of beating someone senseless for proclaiming the game over in the 2nd quarter when your team is down by a touchdown.

If you attended a Super Bowl party this year, I guarantee that you found yourself muttering about at least one of the issues that have been mentioned above.

Next year, do yourself a favor and watch the Super Bowl at home by yourself!

My level of expertise with regard to cooking can basically be summed up by saying that if you spend enough time in the kitchen, eventually you will produce a meal that is edible – by someone or something.

Although my kids will tell you that I make the best box of macaroni and cheese within a 5,000 mile radius.

After a recent bout with an unidentified virus that would have killed the average man, last night seemed like a good time to punish reward the family with a home-cooked meal from dad.

Ok – I’ll be honest here – I was really just heading out to buy myself something for lunch since I finally felt like eating and thought that I better make dinner before my wife really does kill me.

A quick stop at the grocery store – since I had no idea what we had in the refrigerator or freezer – and I was ready to dazzle the family with grilled chicken breast, green beans, and some pasta.

Did I mention that almost all of my cooking involves the grill?

As I plowed a path through the snow drifts on the patio to reach the grill, I began to think that I should really go all out and do something a little different than the standard grilled chicken.

Turning to my friendly computer, I soon – defined as thirty minutes after being sidetracked by email – stumbled upon a great list of recipes for a variety of meals that appeared to be easy enough that even I could not screw them up.

It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to the Recipe Center at Tyson Foods.

Thank you…thank you…please note the tip jar on the far counter.

Within mere minutes I had found the recipe that I would use for our meal – brown sugar rubbed chicken – and it even recommended the grill!

As a tip to all of you dads that are more the style of Chef Boyardee – such as myself – than the style of Chef <insert French name here/>, all you need to do is search for a recipe that has no more than five or six ingredients.

When you see a long list of ingredients just keep on moving – trust me.

Roughly 35 minutes – and one cut thumb – later, our family sat down to a nice meal that included brown sugar rubbed chicken, green beans, pasta, and some lightly baked Italian bread sprinkled with mozzarella and shredded parmesan cheese.

Of course the kids asked that next time I just make the macaroni and cheese!

We all enjoy spending time with friends and family – most of the time anyways – and the following tips will help you create a stronger bond between you and your loved ones.

When you believe in someone, tell them.

This tip is of particular importance for all of the parents, as telling your child that you believe in them can be one of the most rewarding things that you can provide to your child. So many of the things that our children do are intended to gain our approval – or test the existence of that approval – and hear the words of encouragement from one of their role models.

Take every opportunity to express to your children that you believe in them. It will go a long way towards creating a confidence in them that nobody will be able to take away.

Today, compliment someone you’re not particularly fond of.

There is a good chance that you interact with someone on a regular basis that you don’t mesh with all that well. Sometimes that tension between two people is simply the perception that neither party is particularly fond of the other. By stepping out and extending a compliment to such a person, you may open the line of communication and discover a new relationship worth building. Of course, it is possible that the compliment will not change anything between you but that doesn’t mean you should not try.

When you particularly enjoy a book, buy an extra copy to send to a friend.

More and more it seems like reading is a lost art. People have less free time to sit down and enjoy a book, or maybe they just have yet to find a book worth reading. When you share an enjoyable book with a friend, not only will you be encouraging people to read more but you will be sharing a little insight into your personality and interests.

Some of the best books that I have read have come as a recommendation from a friend or family member, where I likely would not have read the book otherwise.

Remember that who you’re with is always more important than where you are.

Being a motorcycle rider, this reminds me of the quote that it is not the destination but the journey that is important – as it is the time spent with people that are close to you that helps create the unforgettable memories. A good situation to remember this tip is on your next vacation, rather than be disappointed if everything is not perfect you should take the time to embrace the opportunity to be with the people you care about.

No matter where you are or what is happening, being with people that you love is priceless.