Discipline :: Stick To It
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Being a parent isn’t always easy - as any parent will readily tell those without children. One situation that is often the cause of much parenting heartache is child discipline.
With the many different methods of disciplining your child, it can certainly be confusing as to what is the “best” method for your children. To further the confusion, what works for one child may not work at all for another child. Often times parents want to use one method of discipline for all of their children and expect the children to behave like perfect little angels at all times.
Regardless of what method you choose, one key to success is that you stay consistent when it comes to discipline. If you don’t stick to it and enforce the rules consistently, your child isn’t likely to follow the rules consistently either. Likewise, when your kids have broken the rules and have been disciplined, don’t waver on their punishment and change the consequences.
No video games all week…stick to it.
Sit in your room for one hour…stick to it.
No TV or movies…but The Dark Knight, no…stick to it.
That last point there put me face to face with the dilemma of altering my stance on discipline this afternoon. With plans to wrap up work early today and take my oldest son to an afternoon showing of The Dark Knight, I was faced with the decision to stick to it or bend the rules when he decided to misbehave.
As much as I really wanted to see the movie today - don’t think I didn’t give serious consideration to leaving him home with my wife and seeing the movie by myself - I knew that the right decision was to stick to our consequences for violating the rules. If I were to bend the rules for this “special occasion”, he would quickly learn that whenever we had something special planned for the day that he would not have to follow the rules.
There are times that you will have to sacrifice something that you want to do in order to stay consistent with your method of discipline. As I mentioned earlier, nobody ever said that parenting was easy.
When your children know what to expect if the rules are broken, they will most likely have an easier time following the rules consistently. That doesn’t mean that they will always behave - but they will understand that they will face the consequences should they decide to not follow the rules. In addition, consistent enforcement of the rules will often mean that there is a reduced amount of whining and crying (can I get an “it’s not fair”) when you do have to discipline your kids.
While you continue to praise your child for good behavior, you also need to stay consistent with the rules and consequences for bad behavior.
Don’t take the easy way out…stick to it!
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I don’t have kids yet, but from my experience with others’ children I agree, consistence is key. Kids tend to pick up on inconsistencies and loopholes pretty quick, so the fewer the better.
Oh, and the wait will only make the Dark Knight that much sweeter. =)
Lee McKusicks last blog post..Love Keeps Her In The Air: The Spiritual Parallels of Firefly, Pt. 2
I am obviously reading this from work, because when I looked at the title, I thought to myself, “Oh, the Discipline class has a StickToIt() method”.
Great minds think alike… I posted a similar topic topic on becomming a disciplinarian. Hope you can come by and check it out!
I TOTALLY disagree with you!
On the hard part, that is.
I’m often asked just how I manage to instill the superb behavior my kids show both in public and at home; they proactively look out for one another, never are rude, etc.etc.etc.etc. And of course, it’s because I refuse to send mixed messages. I figure that the teenage years will be soul-searingly-agonizing enough…nip it in the bud as soon as possible is my motto!
I’m known as Mean Mommy Ling but you know something….I’m the mom to whom all my kids’ friends gyrate whenever I show up at their school.
Kids need boundaries and they need to know they can count on their parents to provide them. My role in their life is NOT to be the friend, not to be their buddy; I’m far and away superior. I’m their PARENT. And you can’t get more important than that.
Data points, Barbara
Barbara Lings last blog post..2008 Animal Planet Hero of the Year
I have posted about discipline and spanking before.
Cultural differences aside, I’d have to say it works. It worked on me, and I don’t think I am any kind of psycho. I am on good terms with my folks and society.
And I have spanked my kid before too.
I don’t spank anymore these days. The threat of it gets her in line.
Good decision not only on being consistent but in not going to see the film yourself. Another lesson can therefore emerge: consequences exist not only for ourselves but for others as well. Thus another important variable is shown in the calculus of behavior: whether misbehavior is worth it “for me” isn’t enough; the results will impact others, for whom we’re not authorized to make such calls.
I would like to add one point: Do not issue threat if you had no intention of sticking to it.
Your child will come around to your empty threats pretty fast and not take your words seriously.
In an ideal world, we parents shouldn’t be threatening our children at all, but we don’t live in an ideal world.
In general, I agree with this stance. Children need to know their boundaries and need to know that boundaries exist in order to feel safe and loved. But have you considered the possibility that by being completely unbending with rules and consequences, you might not have as rich a relationship with your children as you could have if those things were more flexible? Certain rules have to be firm–anything that might put a child in harm’s way either physically, mentally, or emotionally must be immediately and consistently dealt with. My concern with hard-fast discipline is that children learn how not to get caught. I would much rather raise my boy to know that, no matter what he does or how badly he messes up, he can come to me than to have a child who appears to be a model citizen, but does whatever he wants once no one is looking and then hides it from me. Children learn pretty quickly that if they mess up, they get in trouble. So they learn to cover their mistakes, hide them, be ashamed of them. Instead, maybe we can teach them that everyone makes mistakes, and messing up isn’t the end of the world. Rather, it is an opportunity to repair something–teach them how to make a wrong right. My 3-year-old already knows when he spills something on the floor he won’t get yelled at, but he is expected to clean up the mess. He doesn’t get grounded or have privileges taken away when he does something that is completely age-appropriate. But we do show him how to repair the damage done. Sometimes that means he apologizes. Sometimes he has to have a hand in cleaning up or fixing something. As he gets older and his mistakes get bigger, he will take on more responsibility for setting things right. And with THAT, we will be consistent.
Just something to think about.