Comments on: Discipline :: Stick To It

By: agoodhusband.net » Lucky Manival #13

agoodhusband.net » Lucky Manival #13 — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:41:54 +0000

[...] some men are feeling a little need to lay down the law as Derek presents Discipline :: Stick To It posted at The Man Page and Dad of Divas presents Maniverse #9 – On Becomming a Disciplinarian [...]

By: Tamatha278

Tamatha278 — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 13:57:08 +0000

In general, I agree with this stance. Children need to know their boundaries and need to know that boundaries exist in order to feel safe and loved. But have you considered the possibility that by being completely unbending with rules and consequences, you might not have as rich a relationship with your children as you could have if those things were more flexible? Certain rules have to be firm–anything that might put a child in harm’s way either physically, mentally, or emotionally must be immediately and consistently dealt with. My concern with hard-fast discipline is that children learn how not to get caught. I would much rather raise my boy to know that, no matter what he does or how badly he messes up, he can come to me than to have a child who appears to be a model citizen, but does whatever he wants once no one is looking and then hides it from me. Children learn pretty quickly that if they mess up, they get in trouble. So they learn to cover their mistakes, hide them, be ashamed of them. Instead, maybe we can teach them that everyone makes mistakes, and messing up isn’t the end of the world. Rather, it is an opportunity to repair something–teach them how to make a wrong right. My 3-year-old already knows when he spills something on the floor he won’t get yelled at, but he is expected to clean up the mess. He doesn’t get grounded or have privileges taken away when he does something that is completely age-appropriate. But we do show him how to repair the damage done. Sometimes that means he apologizes. Sometimes he has to have a hand in cleaning up or fixing something. As he gets older and his mistakes get bigger, he will take on more responsibility for setting things right. And with THAT, we will be consistent.

Just something to think about.

By: betshopboy

betshopboy — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:00:59 +0000

I would like to add one point: Do not issue threat if you had no intention of sticking to it.

Your child will come around to your empty threats pretty fast and not take your words seriously.

In an ideal world, we parents shouldn’t be threatening our children at all, but we don’t live in an ideal world.

By: Matt Curtin

Matt Curtin — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 17:04:14 +0000

Good decision not only on being consistent but in not going to see the film yourself. Another lesson can therefore emerge: consequences exist not only for ourselves but for others as well. Thus another important variable is shown in the calculus of behavior: whether misbehavior is worth it “for me” isn’t enough; the results will impact others, for whom we’re not authorized to make such calls.

By: JLow

JLow — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 10:49:37 +0000

I have posted about discipline and spanking before.

Cultural differences aside, I’d have to say it works. It worked on me, and I don’t think I am any kind of psycho. I am on good terms with my folks and society.

And I have spanked my kid before too.

I don’t spank anymore these days. The threat of it gets her in line.

By: Barbara Ling

Barbara Ling — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 09:23:09 +0000

I TOTALLY disagree with you!

On the hard part, that is.

I’m often asked just how I manage to instill the superb behavior my kids show both in public and at home; they proactively look out for one another, never are rude, etc.etc.etc.etc. And of course, it’s because I refuse to send mixed messages. I figure that the teenage years will be soul-searingly-agonizing enough…nip it in the bud as soon as possible is my motto!

I’m known as Mean Mommy Ling but you know something….I’m the mom to whom all my kids’ friends gyrate whenever I show up at their school.

Kids need boundaries and they need to know they can count on their parents to provide them. My role in their life is NOT to be the friend, not to be their buddy; I’m far and away superior. I’m their PARENT. And you can’t get more important than that.

Data points, Barbara

Barbara Lings last blog post..2008 Animal Planet Hero of the Year

By: Dad of Divas

Dad of Divas — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:08:50 +0000

Great minds think alike… I posted a similar topic topic on becomming a disciplinarian. Hope you can come by and check it out!

By: Kelvin Kao

Kelvin Kao — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:01:33 +0000

I am obviously reading this from work, because when I looked at the title, I thought to myself, “Oh, the Discipline class has a StickToIt() method”.

By: Lee McKusick

Lee McKusick — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:18:29 +0000

I don’t have kids yet, but from my experience with others’ children I agree, consistence is key. Kids tend to pick up on inconsistencies and loopholes pretty quick, so the fewer the better.

Oh, and the wait will only make the Dark Knight that much sweeter. =)

Lee McKusicks last blog post..Love Keeps Her In The Air: The Spiritual Parallels of Firefly, Pt. 2