Allow Her To Make Mistakes / Responsibility
This bit here was the hardest thing I learned with Celina. How do I let my own daughter fail? It isn’t easy. I am in no means setting her up for failure. I am simply letting her learn from her own mistakes. For the longest time, I sheltered her from her bad mistakes and decisions. When she would forget her book at home, I would run it up to her school so she wouldn’t get in trouble.
It took me a lil while to realize that she was being irresponsible because of me. I warned her one afternoon that if she forgot her book or homework at home, that I would not be bringing it up to school for her. The day came where I saw she had forgotten her homework assignment on the table. I didn’t take it up to her school. She learned that day that she needed to be more responsible with her stuff. Celina got recess detention because of it, by the way.
Over the years, I see her being more and more responsible in her daily activities. Even more so when her youngest brother was born. She loves to take him for walks or rides in his wagon down the street. She has demonstrated to me that she is responsible enough to do that.
Freedom / Trust
We are still struggling with her wanting more freedom and for me to trust her more. I feel like if I give her an inch, she takes a mile.
But I took the first leap of faith about a year ago when I allowed her to ride her bike over to her friends house about two blocks away on her own (but armed with a walkie talkie!!) I kept radioing her to make sure she was ok. She was fine the entire time but I was a nervous wreck. She felt good afterwards about her new freedom and I felt good that I could trust her. I recently let her ride more out in the neighborhood. Funny thing is, before she was dying to ride around on her own but now she just hangs out on the street and doesn’t go far which is fine by me!
I recently allowed her to ride the bus home on certain days after school instead of the bus dropping her off at my work. She has a key and lets herself in. She knows to immediately lock the door behind her and to never answer the door at all. She calls me to let me know she is home. I am usually home within 30 minutes of her arriving home by herself. Its been working out, I am cool with everything as so is she. It builds her self confidence to know I trust her. Like I said, it is still an ongoing struggle with the whole trust issue with her. This all goes back to her driving me insane.
I hope all these things I talked about shape my daughter into being a strong and confident young woman one day. I believe if I lay the groundwork early on, she will grow from that. I know myself that I must be strong and confident. She learns from me, so I know I must set an example.
She is a spitting image of me right down to the dirty looks she gives. We butt heads on a daily basis. I pick my battles with her. For the most part, I let her win unless it is life threatening or just plain wacky. She knows she can always come to me no matter what her problem is.
We are good friends but more importantly, I am her mother first.
(Yes, I know I am in trouble. Thanks for pointing that out!)