There is more to finding life balance than simply being physically present with your loved ones when you are not at work.
Earlier today I was reminded of this fact by my wife.
My wife sent me an IM this morning to ask me if there was anything wrong as she felt that I was being a little distant this week. Right off the bat, the fact that we were having this conversation over an IM is not a good indicator of life balance. This morning I left for work well before anyone else in the house began to stir so we didn’t have a chance to talk and last night I was home but engrossed in researching a franchise opportunity that I thought sounded interesting.
The point that my wife was trying to make was that this past week she felt like I was around in body but that my mind was off somewhere else. While I didn’t recognize it until she said something, I cannot say that she is wrong.
As I mentioned, I’ve been doing some research on a franchise opportunity that I learned about recently in addition to working at my full-time job and the time that I spend working on my blogs. When I have been away from the computer and spending time with my family, I’ve been mentally reviewing all of this new information and running through various scenarios in my head.
Obviously that has had an impact on my wife as my family time has not been receiving my undivided attention. When it comes to work life balance it is important to remember that it is next to impossible to find the perfect balance. But when your loved ones notice that they aren’t getting “all” of you for an extended period of time, you need to evaluate whether you have too much on your plate.
While browsing around the Interweb today I came across an article from Brad Feld on discovering work life balance. Mark explained how he was very successful at the work he did but it came with the cost of always being over-committed, regularly being exhausted, having a failed marriage at the age of 24, and physically changing. This cycle continued for Mark until his 2nd wife said that he had to change or she could no longer continue in their marriage.
Mark has developed a set of habits that define his newly discovered balance:
- Spend time away.
- Life dinner.
- Segment space.
- Be present.
- Meditate.
I encourage you to head over to Mark’s site to read more about his habits and how they have provided the structure that he needed. As I thought about the conversation that I had with my wife and how she felt that I have not been there this week, I really connected with these habits and how they can reinforce my own efforts to ensure that I properly balance life and work.
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you have proper life balance simply by the fact that you are physically spending time with your loved ones. If you’re anything like me, you may not be able to easily determine when you have fallen into this trap but something like a simple reminder of “Be present” from your loved ones is a great signal.
In order to get the most out of your time away from work, it is essential that you devote your mind, body, and soul to the moment and not just go through the motions.
FREE 21-Page Internet Business Idea Guide
Enter your name and email below and we'll send you our unique 21-page guide chock full of Internet business ideas - for free! Your information will be kept private, of course.
Great points here Derek. I think as husbands we have no problem giving attention to our kids but often forget to give our wives that amount of our time.
A couple years back I got a call like the IM you mentioned only it was with a few more words than what you indicated. I immediately made my next call to a travel agency and we went to Catalina for the weekend.
We shouldn’t wait for our wives to tell us we aren’t taking them out and/or vacationing with them enough. We shouldn’t, but we do sometimes I am afraid. I’ve done OK since then I think. We are Going to Vegas for the weekend in a couple weeks so we’re excited about that. I haven’t decided if I’ll bring the laptop . . . I’ll probably ask her input there!
Damien, I’m sure the IM from my wife included some of those same words.
When you went to Catalina, was that with or without the kids? It is funny that you mention that though as I had immediately thought that I should schedule a little weekend getaway for next weekend.
Thanks for the feedback!
Definitely no kids! We left them with my folks. It was such an awesome getaway. Best of luck my friend, choose somewhere with cool sheets and maybe a jacuzzi!
It’s funny, you’ve just described my wife, & I am the one sending the IM’s!
Between the 2 of us, she is the workaholic. You may even say she is fast assuming the bread-winner role.
I don’t have a problem with her salary being higher than mine. I don’t mind that she is more familiar with all things corporate, has a better network, more ambitious than I, etc.
I do mind that she comes home very late, almost every night. Yes, I do trust her. It really is her work (attitude).
Without getting into the details of the causes & symptoms, we did make an “agreement” that Wednesdays would be alone-time just-us-2 dinners (though I gotta say that I have been guilty of “Hmm I wonder what Caitlin [our 3 yr old] is doing now..”!) But sadly, that’s also kinda forgotten.
My inlaws look after our little girl during the day. It’s come to an “arrangement” now where in the morning before wife wakes, I’d send Caitlin over to my inlaws before work, & pick her up after work, entertain, feed, change (ok we have a live-in nanny who tags along) & put her to bed, all before wife comes home. Most times I am even already in bed when she comes home.
When wife is home, she’d watch her pre-recorded Anime series. I know she enjoys them & it relaxes her, so even when she watches them when I am around I leave her to it.
I can’t say I enjoy this arrangement or not, but I have gotten used to it…
Weekends are really the only time when we are together. But that’s when I am the one needing the relax time!
This post is certainly food for thought. Of late to try and ensure time with our two little ones I have been leaving the office earlier than I otherwise would, heading home to spend a couple of hours with them, before logging straight back into work remotely from home to do another few hours work.
I think I just realised in my desire to spend time with my kids, while juggling work, that I have completely ignored spending some time alone with my wife. This is particularly bad given that of late I have not even made it to bed until my wife has already been asleep for a few hours.
That’s it, and executive decision has just been made, I am logging off and heading home early today. Spending time with the kids, then some time with the wife.
And even skipping and afternoons work I have a feeling that the world won’t end afterall……..
It’s like what an ex boss once told me: There will always be another job (to apply for), but there’s only one wife.
Another simpler but true quote, from my older brother: Work will never finish! (he’s actually saying work *should* never be finished, otherwise they don’t need you!)
@JLow :: Thanks for sharing a little more detail about your situation and how you have been trying to make it work. It sounds like you have an outstanding bond with your daughter and she is very lucky to have that. Do your best to keep that time with your wife as well!
@ToddlerDaddy :: I hope you enjoyed the fruits of your executive decision and had some time with the kids and your wife. I’m guilty of the same habits as I will try to get home to have some time with my kids and then get back to work once they are in bed.