My Boobs Are Not Squeeze Toys :: 8 Tips For More Action In The Bedroom

Squeeze Toys

What is one food that can make a woman’s sex drive disappear?

Wedding cake.

That joke might be funny if I hadn’t heard it from so many married men that complain about the lack of sexual activity taking place in their marriage.

As much as guys might want to think that any reduction in the quantity of time between the sheets (or on the dining room table) is an evil plan concocted by their wives, often times the real answer is staring at them in the mirror.

Now I am not going to get all Cosmopolitan on you and start bashing my fellow man and placing all of the blame on you for any lack of spice in the bedroom, as your partner certainly plays a role in that as well.

But when you take a step back and look at how you have changed over the years, you might just find that there are some small changes that you can make that will have your partner crawling all over you.

The following eight tips are things that you can do right now to avoid being one of those guys that breaks out that joke about the wedding cake.

1. Stop thinking of her as your personal squeeze toy.

Guys, I know it is extremely tempting to constantly be giving your wife a squeeze here and a squeeze there; however, she will most likely not appreciate it as much as you would if she were the one squeezing you.

The path to romance rarely begins with a “drive-by” boob squeeze as you pass your wife in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the boob squeeze as much (actually more) than the next guy but if you think it is going to lead to some hot and steamy action in the bedroom, guess again.

2. Pay attention to her turn-ons.

No, I am not referring to the type of turn-on such as how she likes it when you kiss the small of her back. What I am talking about here are the every day things that might be a turn-on for your wife or partner. Often times it is things that seem so ordinary that you might not pay attention.

If you get home before your wife, rather than plop down in front of the TV, clean up the house and vacuum the carpets. When she walks in and sees you vacuuming, she may have a hard time not jumping on you right then and there.

3. Cook her dinner.

Sure, some of you guys are outstanding chefs and thrive when putting together a meal. However, many of us defer to our wives far too often when it comes to the cooking.

Once you are done with the cleaning (and any extra-curricular activities that might take place as a result) head into the kitchen and prepare a nice dinner. Throwing hot dogs on the grill with a side of potato chips doesn’t count either. Prepare a meal that includes a main entree along with one or two sides, maybe a nice salad beforehand. Bonus points if you plan ahead and bring home a nice bottle of wine to enjoy with dinner.

4. Plan a date night and surprise her.

Between the demands of work schedules, driving the kids around to their activities, and taking care of things around the house, it is easy to forget that you and your wife need to spend some time alone together. Away from everyone and everything.

Plan a complete date night for you and your wife without letting her know about. Coordinate the baby sitter to take care of the kids and enjoy a night together. About an hour (you might want to make it two depending on your wife) before you need to leave, tell her to put on something nice as you have somewhere to go.

The activities that you plan for the date night aren’t nearly as important as simply making the effort to plan some special time just for the two of you.

5. Randomly let her know that she is on your mind.

Sometimes we get so busy in our day to day activities that we take it for granted that our loved ones know how important they are to us.

Take a few minutes out of your day, maybe before you run into your next meeting, to give her a call and let her know that you were thinking about her. Tell her that you cannot wait to see her tonight so you can kiss her beautiful lips. When you hang up, she’ll know that she was on your mind and now she will be thinking about the kiss, and maybe more.

6. Admit it when you are wrong.

Have you ever argued a point even when you know that you are wrong? It is silly when you think about it, as you know that you messed up, yet you continue to hold your ground and refuse to admit your wrong-doing.

This defensive behavior builds up a wall around you and casts a negative light on your actions. When you can admit when you are wrong, your wife will appreciate the fact that you are aware that you don’t know everything. You might think this is a sign of weakness on your part, she will likely think it is an extremely attractive sign of your confidence.

7. Tease her.

Not the name-calling, hair-pulling kind of teasing – that might be coming later if you’re lucky. What you want to do here is leave her wanting more.

Pull her in close and start to give her a nice, deep kiss – then stop and walk away. She’ll be left wanting more and will be looking for an opportunity to continue where you left off.

8. Cuddle, yes, I said cuddle, after sex.

The word cuddle makes most men cringe, as they usually have one of a few things on their mind after sex: going to sleep, having something to eat, or watching SportsCenter.

Resist the temptation to indulge in one of those activities and cuddle with your wife. You will be showing her that there is nothing more important than being there with her at that moment. Check the scores in the morning over a big breakfast and you might just be given the opportunity to cuddle more and more.

Spark The Romance

Throughout all of these tips, you will hopefully have noticed that most of them are focused on adding a little romance into your relationship rather than talking specifically about sex.

As part of Darren Rowse’s Group Writing Project on Killer Titles, hopefully this post has given you something to think about and captured your attention.

After having a few kids and being married for years, it is easy to lose sight of the importance that romance has in a relationship. Give these tips a try and you will hopefully find that the path to more action in the bedroom begins with romance, not a boob squeeze!

Photo credit: shutter.chick


  1. says

    Very good advice, especially the part about turn ons other than the obvious physical ones. As a female, I can say that these tips definitely work! :)

  2. says

    AWESOME post. I’m sending a link to my husband. Because my boobs, are, in fact, NOT squeeze toys :)

    I especially liked the non-physical turn ons as well.

  3. says

    I hope plenty of men read this post. There is a HUGE difference between being treated as a peer and a possession!

    Any man who truly “gets it” will be rewarded by all the sex they can handle.

  4. Brock says

    This article is pretty wrong. My girl asks me to squeeze her boobs harder. Harder than other girls I’ve dated have enjoyed. She also hates to cuddle after sex. She’s very vanilla in terms of sex, and I’ve always been the leader, so it’s not a kinky thing.

    Are you sure you’re just not overly frustrated with a bad lover? All women and men like different things. The only point you have right is “2. Pay attention to her turn-ons.”

    The rest are either wrong, or have nothing to do with bedroom habits, and are just signs you care.

  5. Jim Peters says

    This is all BS. Men shouldn’t have to beg and do tricks for sex like a dog waiting for food.

    If your wive thinks she’s too good for you, goto the bar and find one who isn’t.

  6. Brin says

    In other words…. “be a good boy and you might earn a treat”. Plan B: Go down the the bar and pick up a ho who will suck you off in the parking lot. She won’t mind if you use her boobs as squeeze toys.

  7. says

    Now what about my needs as a man?

    Heres few suggestions for the ladies:
    1) Change the oil in his truck
    2) let him watch the game/race in peace, go bring him beer
    3) Hes not here to clean the gutters, hes just here to lay the pipe
    4) have farthing contests
    5) For once you try to make the loot and come home expecting to satisfy his ever desire
    6) Shut up!
    7) Realize its not the dress that makes you look fat
    8) Suggest IDB as a form of foreplay

    Chimbless last blog post..Things you didn’t know you had!

  8. Nate says

    “I hope plenty of men read this post. There is a HUGE difference between being treated as a peer and a possession!

    Any man who truly “gets it” will be rewarded by all the sex they can handle.”

    I think this is horrible. “will be REWARDED with sex.” I don’t know about the rest of you but I like having sex because I love the other person in my relationship not because she does things for me.

  9. says

    If she is feeling shitty and grumpy towards you because you haven’t helped / haven’t paid attention &tc, why should she perform for you ?

    Think of it like this… Foreplay for tonights loving started first thing this morning.

  10. christine says

    i only agree with numbers 4-8; 1-3 don’t exactly “fit” with me… 1) i love it when my boyfriend touches at my chest or my behind – it’s sort of endearing to me because it’s one way of showing that someone is attracted to you and it’s very playful. 2) in a relationship, i believe that most things should be equal or at least somewhat fair. seeing my boyfriend clean isn’t a turn on for me because it’s him showing respect and he has better things to offer me that turn me on. 3) same with 2 but i will also mention that you should always acknowledge when your partner is being selfless and you should sincerely appreciate what they do for you.


  11. Big Bob says

    Yeah this is garbage for the most part. This take the horrible view that the man has to earn sex. Ladies you have all been plowed many times before so you have nothing special down there that another girl at the sizzler won’t give out for less.

    Next time you are tormenting your man appreciate that he still loves you, works for you and the family, and that he still desires you.

    These types of games only end up in hate and the feelings of slavery.

  12. Arvid says

    The best is right before you finish from behind is taking a pair of pliers and squeezing her nipples. Then when she turns around you punch her in the face.

  13. Steve says

    Great tips on how to become an emasculated, pussy-whipped shemale. Most women secretly HATE that men are becoming so feminized (run the vacuum to turn her on? Give me a break!)

    Act like a man. Keep yourself in shape. Get to the damn gym at least 4-5 times a week, and work hard until you can bench-press your own weight. Learn to f#*k her hard, long and with passion.

    Don’t be an asshole, be a gentleman in the old-fashioned sense.

  14. says

    Interesting that women on here think this is a great list and the men are all complaining about slavery! 😀

    I`d just like to point out that if you feel your wife should throw herself on you just so you won`t head downtown for someone else, she shouldn`t be with you. And here I was, thinking that macho attitude was somewhat subdued in the Western world. sigh.

    Personally, I thought it was a great post, from the female point of view, particularly the no-squeezing (once in a while is fine, but not every ten min.) and the non-physical turn ons. Excellent post.

    Genesiss last blog post..How to Promote Your Online Business

  15. Aurora says

    Ha! I am printing this and taking it home with me, if for nothing else the squeeze toy thing. It’s so hard to explain why it’s annoying. I know that his intentions are not to annoy me, but that’s what always happens. Now at least he can see that it’s not just me!!

  16. Pissed off Hubby says

    2. Pay attention to her turn-ons.

    “If you get home before your wife, rather than plop down in front of the TV, clean up the house and vacuum the carpets. When she walks in and sees you vacuuming, she may have a hard time not jumping on you right then and there.”

    Yeah right.

    I started cleaning the house, laundry etc. a few years ago, my wife started a tempory job. The sex improved for about a week. 4 years later, i work 48 hrs a week shiftwork, do all the housework, most of the laundry, al the DIY and some of the cooking – the sex is now less than it has ever been.

    In fact i’ve become such a good house keeper, i might just go it alone, and pick up a tart every now and again. It would be a lot cheaper.

  17. says

    And yet, every time I’ve gotten my hands on a woman’s breast I’ve gotten whatever else I wanted. They’re not squeeze toys, but they are very important to both parties.

  18. says

    Wow, thanks, guys. Any legitimate gripe or complaint about the content of the post that may have been offensive to men, was just thrown out the window by your immature comments.

    Derek – I think this is a great post. Great posts like this one spark passion in people and get them to chime in. Unfortunately, this also sparks the passion of idiots.

    That being said, I have to admit: Something about this post didn’t sit well with me and while I can’t put my finger on it, I think, whether intentional or not, the implication that romance, turn ons and so forth is rests primarily on shoulders of the man in the relationship is a bit too unrealistic.

    Relationships require 100% from each person. I expect just as much attention, forethought and effort, and planning of things to get me in the sack from my wife as she does from me.

    Finding the balance of who has changes in behavior to make to get laid more, is something different for each couple. What works for my wife and I won’t work for the people with the loud ass kids next door.

  19. Sasha says

    Guess all they guys who will fuck “just another ho” at the bar because their wife isn’t fucking them will be stuck fucking hoes for the rest of their lives. Sloppy seconds, much?

  20. Sasha says

    The minute you start thinking of your partner as a personal squeeze toy is the minute your’re going to be getting less and less action.

  21. Justin says

    …ok good post, now write a post on 8 tips for women to get a guy in the bedroom.

    I’m tired of trying, it’s your turn ladies.

  22. snail says

    A++ on the cuddling, but hey, some of us kinda enjoy being squeeze toys. The fact that my body interests somebody so much they just have to touch is quite a self-esteem boost.

    Oh, the internet-comment-drama. Jeez, how can you sleep knowing that someone’s wrong on the internet?

  23. says

    You have a great site. I came over because I also found myself on the Discovering Dad, ten sites to check out list. Not to sound all Polyanna, but my wife and I don’t have any problems. Your list is pretty dead on and, referring to Daniel above, it doesn’t fall squarely on my shoulders, she has her own silent list she follows (she’s also exceedingly tolerant of the drive by squeeze). Anyway, love your blog and already subscribed. Have a great weekend.

  24. JD says

    Genesis, you’ve hit the nail right on the head:

    “I`d just like to point out that if you feel your wife should throw herself on you just so you won`t head downtown for someone else, she shouldn`t be with you. And here I was, thinking that macho attitude was somewhat subdued in the Western world. sigh.”

    You’re absolutely right Genesis, she shouldn’t be with “him”. Men shouldn’t be married. Getting married is slavery and brainwashing, and I advise all single men to STAY SINGLE. Marriage gleans NO BENEFIT for a man, and no man needs a woman. Men DO expect to get sex from their spouse in exchange for fidelity, financial support, parenting and friendship. The fact that sex ends when marriage is contracted is proof that women do nothing but take advantage of men.

    Now Derrick, I don’t know you personally, but from this post I would say that you are EVERYTHING that is wrong with male culture today. You are a brainwashed immasculated slave, and you are a bad influence on other men. No man should feel guilty about who he is or what he thinks or how he behaves. We are as men should be, and women should have learned by now that we’re not to be controlled. To the married men who are trapped I say, you have my sympathy.

  25. says

    Good Title.

    Very good suggestions. The one that I would add:

    Build the relationship through conversation.

    We get so caught up in the day to day of life we forget to continue to build our relationship. It’s so sad when you here people say “I don’t even know who you are anymore”.

    The deeper you can connect with your spouse the more passionate your bedroom experience will be.


    Saw you in Problogger killer titles. you can check out mine if you wish.

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  26. maleAnon says

    Most of the people posting responses on here seem pretty pathetic. Saying that following these ideas is being a door mat? Treat your woman well and she will treat you the same way. I’d have to say it’s unfortunate if any guy actually has to be told this stuff.

  27. says

    These comments are the kind of junk that makes me want to rant and rave. Where are these men in real life? Do they know that they are quickly becoming extinct? Do they know that they are sadly damaged and the reason they have this attitude towards women is that they continue to attract those types of women into their lives?

    Good Lord.

    cory huffs last blog post..10 Easy Ways to Bond With Your Teenager

  28. says

    As a romance writer, I’m always interested in these kinds of discussion – and the comments are fabulous as well!

    To the comments on men having to ‘earn’ sex…C’mon let’s face it – we all do ‘tricks for treats’ all the time, and not just for sex. We do them for employers and family members, for friends and even strangers. Just try being rude to the kid behind the counter some time and see how your service is impmacted!

    Like my grandma (and every other grandma out there, I imagine) said, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

    If it’s ok with you, I’m going to add parts of this discussion to a post I’m working on.

    Thanks again!

    Romance writer, Loring Parks, at Juicy Like An Apple

    A ProBlogger entry

    Loring Parkss last blog post..Romantic showdown: Grand gestures vs little moments

  29. cj says

    There is a big elephant in the room that you don’t mention. Why oh why should a man, or a woman, need to beg and pleed for their needs to be met?

    The idea of marriage is mutually seeking to meet the needs of the other. Mutual. Seeking. What I find is that many women never get that point. They understand if a man isn’t seeking THEIR needs, but they can’t imagine that they are guilty as well.

    It’s not a trade. It’s not “I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine”. It should be independent – you as a good man seek her needs, she as a good woman seeks his needs.

    As SOON as you turn it into a TRADE, or worse, prostitution (paying for it with chores, etc) you have ruined selfless love.

  30. says

    Derek, the comments from some/most of the men is baffling and pathetic (to say the least). What a bunch of whiners! Boohoo Waaaah! Gonna go out and eat worms now?

    Anyone that has been married for awhile knows that keeping the fire alive in marriage and spicing things up in the bedroom takes work and effort by both the man and the woman.

    I see nothing wrong with your post here, as you are obviously focusing this post on the things men/husbands can do to keep the fire embers burning in the bedroom. Grow up boys and get a clue.

    Since Derek is a man, OF COURSE he would discuss this topic from a man’s point of view. As if I would ever post something like How to be a Good Husband or How to be a Good Dad etc.

    Derek, ignore the rants of these dweebs who would rather whine and yes, BITCH about what things their wives should be doing for THEM in the bedroom, as opposed to taking a good look in the mirror and realizing bedroom antics are a two-way street BOYS….

    Still wearing those boxers/underwear with the little holes in em? That old beat up shirt with sweat stains and funky looking sweats? Yeah, real exciting for your lady to wanna jump your bones with that on. Whine and whimper all you like. You’re just making yourselves look stupid and juvenile.

  31. says

    Great Post … was caught by the Title … Just had to look :-)

    Anyway, I love my wife and you don’t have to do all this if all you want is sex … but you do need to do it is you want a loving relationship. It’s all good and its not about being being a door mat.

    In fact, after reading I was inspired to write something on a similar topic … You need to love the way your partner wants to be loved.

  32. Jeb says

    Hard to believe the advice that is being given here..cook, vacumn, and you may get sex…..why not just come out and say it…..if you work for sex you can get it from your wife….give me a break!

  33. Christy Barnson says

    Great Post! I am working on my master’s degree in mental health counseling with the goal of becoming a marriage and family counselor. The tips given in this post are definitely on the right track.

    There’s a book titled “The 5 love languages.” One of which is service, which the example given is doing housework for the wife. IF that is her love language, she recognizes that you are showing your love for her by lightening her load. Let’s face it. If she’s too tired from doing work all evening while your butt is on the couch in front of the TV, you won’t get any. There are four other love languages. You need to figure out what your love language is and what your spouse’s love language is in order to understand what makes them feel loved and vice versa. You should not feel that doing chores is the trick for the treat. If it is, your relationship needs serious help.

    Each marriage needs boundaries that are agreed upon. While I enjoy my husband’s squeezes, I am not comfortable with such PDA in public and particularly not in front of our four children. I don’t want them to think it is appropriate behavior.

    One of the comments mentioned building a relationship with your significant other. If you actually have a relationship to speak of, none of this is a big issue. She wants to make you feel loved just as much as you want to make her feel loved. It’s more about the other person than “my needs.” As was mentioned, if you’re both giving 100% everyone’s needs are being met.

    Those of you who don’t want to work at having a good relationship, do the world a favor and don’t get married.

  34. Zrotpar says

    Mostly reasonable points, but you are missing the big one. If her desire for you isn’t approximately the same as your desire for her, you are mismatched and in for a miserable wedded life. You are being set up to be manipulated. “Internet Strategist” rather cluelessly summarized everything wrong with this post when s/he said,

    “Any man who truly “gets it” will be rewarded by all the sex they can handle.”

    Really, just how insulting can you get?

    With the exception of #1 (which is possibly indicative of a guy who is overly horny as a result of being deprived by a manipulating wife), ALL of these can apply to the woman as well as to the man. So few here care to bring that to light, yet they are probably the same people who use words like “equality” in every other sentence.

    Some want to complain about the negative or “my needs” comments, but if you had a clue you’d realize that is probably the bitterness of a good man who’s been ruined by a bad or manipulative woman. If you want to call them whiners, you should feel the same way about abused or abandoned women. Psychological and emotional abuse by manipulators are no less real than physical abuse.

    Finally, comments like #25, 28, 37, etc are people who for the most part get it. Unbalanced teachings on marriage do NOTHING to help; posts like this piss off men and teach women to be unjustly demanding. Rowboats have two oars for a reason, and marriage is all about balance and working to meet your partner’s needs. If they BOTH don’t do that, it will fall apart every time.


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