What is one food that can make a woman’s sex drive disappear?
That joke might be funny if I hadn’t heard it from so many married men that complain about the lack of sexual activity taking place in their marriage.
As much as guys might want to think that any reduction in the quantity of time between the sheets (or on the dining room table) is an evil plan concocted by their wives, often times the real answer is staring at them in the mirror.
Now I am not going to get all Cosmopolitan on you and start bashing my fellow man and placing all of the blame on you for any lack of spice in the bedroom, as your partner certainly plays a role in that as well.
But when you take a step back and look at how you have changed over the years, you might just find that there are some small changes that you can make that will have your partner crawling all over you.
The following eight tips are things that you can do right now to avoid being one of those guys that breaks out that joke about the wedding cake.
1. Stop thinking of her
as your personal squeeze toy.
Guys, I know it is extremely tempting to constantly be giving your wife a squeeze here and a squeeze there; however, she will most likely not appreciate it as much as you would if she were the one squeezing you.
The path to romance rarely begins with a “drive-by” boob squeeze as you pass your wife in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the boob squeeze as much (actually more) than the next guy but if you think it is going to lead to some hot and steamy action in the bedroom, guess again.
2. Pay attention to her turn-ons.
No, I am not referring to the type of turn-on such as how she likes it when you kiss the small of her back. What I am talking about here are the every day things that might be a turn-on for your wife or partner. Often times it is things that seem so ordinary that you might not pay attention.
If you get home before your wife, rather than plop down in front of the TV, clean up the house and vacuum the carpets. When she walks in and sees you vacuuming, she may have a hard time not jumping on you right then and there.
3. Cook her dinner.
Sure, some of you guys are outstanding chefs and thrive when putting together a meal. However, many of us defer to our wives far too often when it comes to the cooking.
Once you are done with the cleaning (and any extra-curricular activities that might take place as a result) head into the kitchen and prepare a nice dinner. Throwing hot dogs on the grill with a side of potato chips doesn’t count either. Prepare a meal that includes a main entree along with one or two sides, maybe a nice salad beforehand. Bonus points if you plan ahead and bring home a nice bottle of wine to enjoy with dinner.
4. Plan a date night and surprise her.
Between the demands of work schedules, driving the kids around to their activities, and taking care of things around the house, it is easy to forget that you and your wife need to spend some time alone together. Away from everyone and everything.
Plan a complete date night for you and your wife without letting her know about. Coordinate the baby sitter to take care of the kids and enjoy a night together. About an hour (you might want to make it two depending on your wife) before you need to leave, tell her to put on something nice as you have somewhere to go.
The activities that you plan for the date night aren’t nearly as important as simply making the effort to plan some special time just for the two of you.
5. Randomly let her know that she is on your mind.
Sometimes we get so busy in our day to day activities that we take it for granted that our loved ones know how important they are to us.
Take a few minutes out of your day, maybe before you run into your next meeting, to give her a call and let her know that you were thinking about her. Tell her that you cannot wait to see her tonight so you can kiss her beautiful lips. When you hang up, she’ll know that she was on your mind and now she will be thinking about the kiss, and maybe more.
6. Admit it when you are wrong.
Have you ever argued a point even when you know that you are wrong? It is silly when you think about it, as you know that you messed up, yet you continue to hold your ground and refuse to admit your wrong-doing.
This defensive behavior builds up a wall around you and casts a negative light on your actions. When you can admit when you are wrong, your wife will appreciate the fact that you are aware that you don’t know everything. You might think this is a sign of weakness on your part, she will likely think it is an extremely attractive sign of your confidence.
7. Tease her.
Not the name-calling, hair-pulling kind of teasing – that might be coming later if you’re lucky. What you want to do here is leave her wanting more.
Pull her in close and start to give her a nice, deep kiss – then stop and walk away. She’ll be left wanting more and will be looking for an opportunity to continue where you left off.
8. Cuddle, yes, I said cuddle, after sex.
The word cuddle makes most men cringe, as they usually have one of a few things on their mind after sex: going to sleep, having something to eat, or watching SportsCenter.
Resist the temptation to indulge in one of those activities and cuddle with your wife. You will be showing her that there is nothing more important than being there with her at that moment. Check the scores in the morning over a big breakfast and you might just be given the opportunity to cuddle more and more.
Spark The Romance
Throughout all of these tips, you will hopefully have noticed that most of them are focused on adding a little romance into your relationship rather than talking specifically about sex.
As part of Darren Rowse’s Group Writing Project on Killer Titles, hopefully this post has given you something to think about and captured your attention.
After having a few kids and being married for years, it is easy to lose sight of the importance that romance has in a relationship. Give these tips a try and you will hopefully find that the path to more action in the bedroom begins with romance, not a boob squeeze!
Photo credit: shutter.chick