Observations From Seat 34B

Sitting here on my flight to Miami, Florida for a work conference, I thought that it would be fun to share a few random observations that I’ve had from seat 34B – the middle seat.

First, I have to comment about the middle seat.

When I booked my flight, there were no window seats available – my preference given that I never get up during a flight. Hoping that something would open up by the time the online check-in became available, I jumped online 24 hours before my departure and realized that I was doomed to endure the middle seat. Unfortunately, my trip has not lived up to the Penthouse forum stories you read about being between two gorgeous ladies; instead I am sitting between two guys.

Smells like someone just farted…not pleasant at all. I’m thinking it was the guy that has already made three trips to the bathroom, although it could just as easily be the elderly woman in the next aisle who is sound asleep.

Now the guy to my left – he has been gone for over an hour. It seems his headphone case, Bose headphones as everyone within three aisles learned, slid back a few aisles during the take off. He was dead set on retrieving that case and when the people behind us did not act quickly enough, he decided to get up and get the case himself. Surely he has found it by now but I don’t know where he went after that; not that I really care as I am enjoying the extra leg room with the empty seat.

The guy to my right has been involved in a spirited game of bowling on his Nintendo DS. Every now and then I catch the occasional fist pump – undoubtedly after a strike or a difficult spare.

The smell of fart has dissipated, that or it burned my sense of smell so badly that I can no longer smell anything.

To the front, there is a family that must have had a long day; when I approached the ticket counter at the gate I heard the agent indicating that she was calling security due to their behavior. I later learned that they had been at the airport for over 6 hours and had numerous flights canceled, so I can imagine their frustration. Other than the fact that the woman has her seat reclined into my lap, they all seem nice enough.

Oh yeah, and why is it that the person in the window seat gets to decide whether I can look out the window or not. That just seems wrong to me, but what can you do.

The stream of people heading to the restroom is picking up now that the drink cart has passed by. You know, I’ve never used the restroom on an airplane and I don’t plan to change that anytime soon.

Another thing I don’t do – at least not often – is sleep on the airplane. As a courtesy to my fellow travelers, I only sleep when I am accompanied by someone that can elbow me in the ribs when I inevitably begin to snore. Instead, I just like to sit back and observe everyone else on the flight – much like I am doing right now.

We have entered into Florida and it won’t be too long until we touch down in Miami. The guy in 34A is still nowhere to be seen, not that I am complaining, and 34C just missed a crucial shot – or so I assume based on the fist slam to the tray table.

Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts as the observations from seat 34B, the middle seat, have come to an end.