Pay Attention To Husband Balance Too

With the name of this site being Dad Balance and the first few posts focused on being a dad with a quality work-life balance, I wanted to remind all of the dads that we need to pay attention to “husband balance” as well.

Husband Balance

It is easy to fall into the mindset that work-life balance means that you have found a balance between your work and the time you spend with your children. But work-life balance also means you have devoted time to be with your partner.

How often do you spend time with your wife without the children around?

It might seem like a silly question to ask but you might be surprised by the answer. When you arrive home from work, you may have dinner as a family or head outside for a little playtime before the kids go to bed. Once the kids are in bed though, do you and your wife do something together or do you each head off to do your own thing?

You may want to catch the end of the game while your wife sits in a different room and watches the television show of her choice. Or maybe you prefer to read a book while your wife surfs the Interweb. Regardless of what the activities may be, I think that there are quite a few couples that do their own thing rather than spend time together.

As a reminder, I’m not referring to the intimate time that you spend with your wife as I hope that is an activity spent together as opposed to each of you doing your own thing. :)

Finding My Husband Balance

Awhile back my wife and I had a conversation in which she expressed her feelings that I was not anywhere near the husband balance that she needed.

When I would arrive home from work, I would spend time with the kids until it was time for them to go to bed. We’d head outside to play some catch, shoot hoops or go for a bike ride. But once the kids were in bed I would usually head off to the computer to work on my blogs while my wife would read, watch television or sit less than five feet away surfing the Interweb.

I was guilty of thinking that because I was able to spend quality time with my family that I had a healthy balance between work and life. However, I was lacking in the area of husband balance.

After our conversation, I had posted on my personal site about my need to be a better husband and came up with the following points to devote my attention:

  • Helping Hand
  • Understanding
  • Special
  • Best Friend
  • Anticipate
  • Never-Ending Love
  • Date Night

Since that time I have done a much better job of finding an appropriate balance between the time spent as a family with the time spent with just my wife. There is still work to be done but I am now more in tune with what I need to do to maintain my husband balance.

Have you been paying attention to your own husband balance?

Comments

  1. Jones Loflin says

    Superb job with the subject. I really like how you specifically listed the items that show good “husband balance.” Too often men say they want to be a better husband but never create a blueprint to becoming one.

  2. Derek Semmler says

    @Believer :: Thanks! You’re right that it works both ways and the key is to have quality communication between each other.

    @Jones :: Thank you! The items that I listed are a pretty good blueprint for me. Now I just need to pay attention to make sure that I follow the blueprint.

  3. says

    Derek,

    Great post! Funny enough, one of the members over at workitmom.com emailed it to me because I just wrote about this from the wife perspective on the Work It, Mom! Blog (http://www.workitmom.com/blog/). I think it is so important to not lose focus on your marriage or relationships while you juggle work and childcare – whether you’re a husband or a wife:)

  4. says

    Great post Derek!

    When my business first started I worked upwards of 12 hrs a day (gladly, I might add!) and this resulted in my partner feeling a bit ‘widowed’. I still do sometimes need reminding to step back a bit and be a better partner to my partner!

  5. Derek Semmler says

    @Nataly :: Thanks, I’ll have to check out your article to get the perspective from a wife. :)

    @Sara :: You’re absolutely right that this applies to everyone. Thanks for pointing that out.

  6. says

    I feel like this with my tv . . . i don’t spend as much time as i should with it since i seem to only care for the internet . . . i’m gonna find my tv balance starting this weekend!

  7. Derek Semmler says

    @Lisa :: Thanks, we all need reminders from time to time but a patient partner certainly makes it easier!

    @Blogging :: If the time comes that you are a husband, remember this as it will make your life easier. :)

    @Gary :: Lol. My TV balance comes back real quick once the NFL season kicks off.

  8. says

    If you can…try hard now and remember what it was like before you had kids and when it was just the two of you.

    At the end of the work day who were YOU thinking about? Who were you rushing home to be near? If you were a normal attentive newly married young man what did you do the very moment you got home? You took that wife of yours in your arms and hugged her with all your might and said hey or hi or what’s for dinner ( yuk-yuk )?? Now that might be a simple thing or a daily moment in time but I LOVED when my husband stopped the clock with a hug first thing when he got home. Somehow and for some reason all that changed after kids.I was LAST. Now I also treated him like the relief valve – he got home and the caring of children and dinner and tasks began. However I do remember saying to him – wonder if you gave me that I’m who your coming home to feeling again — do you think it might set a different tone for the evening?? I know it works both ways and that the wife can also stop that clock and hug her man – just think it’s important to pause. Remember and appreciate how it all began

    Mother Earth
    http://www.bestwellnessconsultant.com

  9. says

    Interestingly, my wife is the one working long hours, and I am the one seemingly in a hurry to be with our nearly-3 yr old Caitlin after work.

    It has become a routine now where I’d be the one putting Caitlin to bed before Wifey gets home. It has become my compulsion to be the one wanting to spend the most time with Caitlin because children need their parents, and I know I am the parent able to give the time.

    Not that I am complaining- however I am complaining about the little time Wifey spends with Caitlin as a result.

    So, Wifey tries to get home soon after dinner to be able to also put Caitlin to bed.

    And then there is also me.

    So, funnily coincidentally enough, we now also have a Date Night: Dinner together, just the 2 of us.

  10. Derek Semmler says

    JLow, that is great that you can be there for your daughter and that your wife is making the effort to get home to participate in that as well. It is also great to hear that you guys have a date night!

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