Your Childhood vs. Your Child’s Childhood

Proud dad of two, and happy husband, Daniel De Guia works as a web producer and project manager in Northern California.

He also writes on his blog, deguia.net about current events, life in Sonoma County and the West Memphis Three.

As a parent, often times it’s hard to remember that your childhood was vastly different than your own child’s childhood. This was something that was driven home, abruptly, this past week for me.

For ages now I’ve been trying to teach my 7-year-old daughter how to ride a two-wheeler bike. Every time I try to start the process, it inevitably gets interrupted by common colds, broken bones, bad weather, or life in general getting in the way.

The latest reason: She has outgrown her bike.

After each unsuccessful attempt, without fail, I am left feeling guilty and ashamed as though I’m a bad father for not having it done by now. This is especially true when I remember that I was riding on two wheels around the neighborhood, making jumps off of the dirt ramp at the end of our street, when I was younger than my own daughter.

I’ve spent time thinking back on my own childhood, to see what was different than the childhood I’m observing now. The reasons are numerous and vary in complexity.

Here is one example…

When I was younger, my parents both worked full-time jobs. Starting in second grade, I was responsible for getting myself ready for school in the morning. My dad would leave for work shortly after waking me up and I was the one to dress myself, brush my hair and teeth, get my own cereal, gather the things I needed for the school day ahead, and so forth. After school let out, I would walk home, let myself into the house on days when my mom was not yet home from work, and begin playing or doing home work.

With my own children, their childhood is drastically different.

Chief among those reasons is that we are a one car family. As such, a daily strategy meeting is held to figure out how we will accomplish all of the tasks and errands that need to be done.

Sometimes that requires the kids to ride along with us and spend more time in the car than at home playing in the backyard. I work full time 14 miles away from home. With traffic, it can easily take 45 minutes to drive home. On school nights that leaves little time for playing.

While we have more family time together than I had growing up, they have fewer hours to play each day.

Does that mean that I’m doing a bad job as a dad?

I don’t think so.

I think it’s important to remember that using your own childhood as a guideline for determining your value and success as a parent, rarely works out for the best.

Parenting is something that should be based on actions born of the heart and honesty in the present, rather than on fragments of your memory from decades past.