I just have to share something with you. If I had to experience it, I think it’s only fair that you do too.
I endured my monthly trip to Meijer to shop for groceries. I have a real aversion to grocery shopping for some reason, but apparently my children want to eat on a daily basis, so alas, I do what I gotta do.
Timing is everything. If I go too early in the morning, I get there in time for senior citizen’s social hour which includes legions of slow moving traffic, motorized scooters and chit chat blocking the aisles.
If I go a little bit later in the day there are herds of mommies with young children who also take up oodles of aisle space and tend to whine and cry a lot … the children are noisy little critters too.
I don’t go at night because there are scads of people there who have worked outside the home all day. None are too friendly and they’re in a hurry and just get the hell out of their way.
I definitely can’t go on the weekends, far too many people and I don’t really like people all that well.
The ideal time for me to go is around 2:30pm. Most of the mommies are gone and getting ready to pick up their other kiddos from school or start to make dinner for their brood. Also most of the senior citizens are home knitting, golfing, working in the yard, playing dominoes, or getting ready to go to dinner to get the Early Bird Special.
Since I try to only go once a month, it’s no easy feat to pile four week’s worth of groceries strategically in the cart without smashing the loaf of bread with the vodka. Though I must say this particular trip was going fairly uneventful. That is, until I rounded the corner and entered aisle 12.
Grandpa Scootsalong was in a motorized scooter. I don’t have a problem with that. Some days my feet don’t work so well either and hey, he’s still out and about. Fantastic, right? Except that he had one of his legs elevated up on the handle bars.
Okay, I can still handle that. He had on some sort of knee brace. Perhaps he just had a knee replacement and needed to keep it elevated. I give the man credit for being at the store on his own.
But the man had shorts on and his do-hickey was peeking out of his pant leg. Eww eww eww.
C’mon now… Put your leg down, Grandpa. We don’t need to see your minivan with two flat tires. O…M…G!
Needless to say, I lost my appetite and didn’t eat dinner that night. In fact, I’ve never been right since, which may explain some of my Facebook status updates. Aren’t you glad I shared? Now you too need to wash your eyes out with vinegar! If that doesn’t work, try using Skunk Out. Not sure if it’ll help, but it can’t hurt – certainly not much anyway. That will at least give you something else as a focal point.
Thanks for reading. Have a nice day!